MMA Sweet Tweets: The Resurrection of the Sexiest Column in Combat Sports
July 31, 2010, is a date that will forever be remembered in combat sports history. It was the day that the MMA Media world was shaken up and introduced to the sexiest series of articles that the planet has ever seen.
It was also the same day that Rosie O’Donnell nearly killed herself by swallowing a staggering 25 Reese's Peanut Butter Cups all at once.
There’s no wrong way to eat a Reese's—so long as you remove the wrapper first and actually chew like a normal human being and not an overweight cow that looked like it crawled out of the anus of another overweight cow.
Hell, not just the planet, but the entire universe for that matter subdued to the immense sexiness that this weekly Bleacher Report piece generated.
Somewhere in a galaxy far, far away Obi Wan Kenobi’s monkey ass was pleasuring himself to the latest edition of MMA Sweet Tweets with one hand on his light saber and the other on a box of Jedi flavored donuts.
After an incredibly long six month hiatus, I am here to tell you that MMA Sweet Tweets is back and ready to rock your world on a weekly basis once again.
Now, some of you are probably wondering who the gorgeous blonde in the headlining photo is. Her name is Pamela Jean Noble, and she is a black belt in sexy-fu and was just recently awarded her brown belt in hot-jitsu.
For more information on this beautiful beauty, click next slide and let the games begin.
Pamela Jean Noble
With a bachelor’s degree in kinesiology, this 22-year-old actress/model/ninja has the ability to move things with her mind.
So, unless you want to find yourself floating over Madison Square Garden in nothing but a pair of tighty whities for all of New York City to see, you would be best suited to stay on her good side.
Actually, I’m an idiot, and telekinesis is the ability to move objects with one’s mind, while kinesiology is the study of human movement...but either way, I think Pamela Jean is much better looking than the X-Men’s Jean Grey.
Miss Noble has been involved in various MMA publications, such as Fighters Only and TapouT. She’s a huge fan of the sport and definitely worth following on Twitter.
Yesterday there was Gina Carano, today there is Miesha Tate and tomorrow there will be Jordan McDonald.
Oh, and for all of you ladies out there who have been spamming my inbox like a pack of horny wolves humping a poor defenseless mustang, the rumors are true—Carano and I have recently divorced. It was quite brutal, but clearly she still wants my strudel.
McDonald is a lot more than just a pretty face. She’s a pretty face that will kick your head off your shoulders and then beat a hole in your headless body with a lethal knee strike for good measure.
On Aug. 26, McDonald will look to do all that and then some against Liz McCarthy for the Tuff-N-Uff 110 pound Women’s championship.
Yours truly will interview her either before or after her upcoming title bout as part of the debut episode of MMA Mass Debation Radio.
Recent sweet tweet: “Some people enter your life as an angel, they don't stay long but they change your life forever. Missing one in particular today!!!”
After weeks upon weeks of receiving naughty text messages and threatening emails, I finally caved in and proposed to Mercedes Terrell upon her request.
I tried to play the “we should at least try to get to know each other first,” bit but she was very aggressive and wanted that ring. A man can only resist so much.
Anyway, Mercedes Terrell (soon to be Mercedes Ciccarelli) is one of the premier ring girls of the Bellator Fighting Championships.
Look for her cageside at Bellator 48 on August 20. That particular fight card will feature a featherweight tournament final between Pat Curran and Marlon Sandro.
TV Host, Correspondent, Model, Sports Lover, Business Woman, MMA Fanatic, Ass Kicker Extraordinaire, Jedi Warrior Princess, Power Ranger, half mermaid and the list just goes on and on.
Quite frankly, Iris Garcia can do anything in the world and do it a lot better than you. But she won’t brag because she’s also the best in the world at being humble, and that is a big part of her success.
Born in El Paso, Texas, Garcia went to school at New Mexico State University, where, in her spare time, she played hide and seek with a bunch of armadillos and fed bacon to the chupacabra.
Alongside her partner in crime, Erica Goitia, Garcia is rapidly taking over the MMA world in everyway imaginable.
Mark Doze is a 23-year-old Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu phenom that, according to rumors, was attacked by a meth addicted grizzly bear and choked the bear out with a flying triangle with his eyes closed.
You thought Chuck Norris was legendary? I don’t recall Walker Texas Ranger ever doing anything like that.
I slapped Chuck Norris in the face with a fish, and he filleted it before giving it back to me on a silver platter with a side of tartar sauce. If I would have done that to Doze, he would have shoved that fish up my ass and snapped my arm off my shoulder.
Doze is the owner of Gracie Barra Sorrento Valley in San Diego, California. If you’re in the Cali area and looking to develop the Jiu-Jitsu game of a ninja, this gym is highly recommended.
When I first heard of Mitch Westphal, my initial reaction was “This mother trucker stole my name; I’m going to beat him like a red headed step child that ate his fat step daddy’s last Twinkie”.
But then it occurred to me that Westphal is actually my long lost twin considering he’s a huge MMA fanatic and a hit with the ladies.
Someday, we may have to fuse together to form the Ultimate Mitch and layeth that ass whooping on those who threaten the planet Earth or, more importantly, those who threaten our ladies.
Recent sweet tweet: “@therhettsan Ohfosho brotha man, how you been by the way??”
Straight to the point, Jason High is the most underrated welterweight in the entire sport, and that’s the gospel.
“The Kansas City Bandit” boasts a record of 14-3 and has competed in the UFC, DREAM and Affliction. He is currently part of the Strikeforce roster and fresh off a unanimous decision over Quinn Mulhern at Strikeforce Challengers 16.
A standout wrestler, High holds notable victories over Hayato Sakurai, Jordan Mein, Andre Galvao and Kevin Burns.
He also, with the help of a time machine, went all the way back to 1987 and slammed Andre The Giant on his head before pimp slapping Hulk Hogan, thus making “The Hulkster” cry like a little girl that just lost her pony.
Erica Goitia/UpperCut Models
Last year, a very wise and incredibly good looking man predicted that Erica Goitia would become a superstar.
With her massively sexy brain, movie star good looks, confident personality and an incredible desire to accomplish her goals, it was a pretty intelligent prediction on the wise man’s part if I do say so myself.
Seven months into 2011, and it appears that I, err I mean the wise good looking man whoever he may be, was right.
Goitia’s company “UpperCut Models” is really starting to make waves. The company played a big role in the launch of the UFC Personal Trainer video game.
Recent sweet tweet: “So much traffic. Why do they do construction mid-day on a Sunday? Someone entertain me!”
Point blank, if every MMA fan was like Andrea, we would have by far the best fans in the entire world. I already believe that we have the best fans anyway, but they would be even better if they were all like her.
You’ll see what I mean if you follow her on Twitter. She’s really friendly and always says positive things about everyone.
Recent sweet tweet: “@RyanLoco So I'm confused are they there to steal your dirty clothes or to get the clothes you are wearing dirty, either way RUN!!”
Many, many years from now, when I am finished spreading my awesome sauce all over God’s green earth, I will pass the torch over to a younger disciple to continue my mission of global sexomination.
Unfortunately, Dale DeSouza is not that disciple, but he’s still pretty cool. DeSouza is one of the top columnists here on Bleacher Report and allegedly, he also impregnated Jessica Alba, so maybe he will prove himself worthy to take my place someday…maybe.
Recent sweet tweet: “one piece down, three more to go. one of those three may ruffle feathers. the other 2 may not as much.”
If you choose not to follow MMA Weekly’s Erik Fontanez, then a burrowing owl will crawl up your ass, lay eggs in your brain and kill you. So if I were you, I would follow him right now.
Follow Mitch Ciccarelli on Twitter
Mitch Ciccarelli is the sexiest columnist in MMA and the undisputed Sexyweight champion of the world. Enough said.
Follow Ciccarelli on twitter @mitchciccarelli
Recent sweet tweet: “Dennis Hallman looks like he popped out of Ric Flair's anus after the Nature Boy ate an entire bag of purple skittles.”