IMPACT Review 8/4: Final Show Before PPV, Immortal Trouble, Angle/Sting Contract

Charlie GSenior Writer IAugust 5, 2011

Hello everybody, and welcome to IMPACT Review number 10! I'm your host, Charlie Groenewegen!

Sound familiar, Zack Ryder fans?

I'm back from my vacation in Napa, California! I went on a tour of AT&T Park, went to an A's game, witnessed a man break his wrist and laughed my ass off. After the A's game they had a firework show to either A) celebrate the Twins victory or B) make the fans forget about the Athletics loss.

The Athletics should look into fireworks because the show was awesome and because the baseball team damn sure doesn't sell out.

Sorry, A's fans. Not for the comments above but because your baseball team is bad with exception to Trevor Cahill and Josh Willingham. 

It's Thursday night ,which means IMPACT Wrestling is on! Yes, the new season of Jersey Shore also started tonight, who cares?

A good way IMPACT can counter Jersey Shore is by putting Robbie E and Cookie on the broadcast tonight. Spoiler for Robbie E and Cookie fans, neither was on TV tonight.

I was sitting in front of my TV with some stupid show on, but I wasn't paying attention to it. I was watching the clock because it was almost nine!

No Cheez-It crackers this week. Sorry, SoCal Val and Cheez-It fans. I upgraded to Tostitos chips and root beer.

Shut up, the review is starting!

Opening Segment

The show is kicked off with Immortal standing in the ring. No Hulk Hogan or Eric Bischoff. Just the wrestlers and Karen Jarrett.

Karen is looking hot tonight! (IMPACT photos can be viewed at

Bully Ray is on the mic and introduces his fellow stablemates.

Scott Steiner is the guy with the largest arms in the universe!

Abyss is the only guy Ray is scared of and is a monster!

Gunner is the blue chipper and future of Immortal!

Jeff Jarrett is Ray's idol because he brought the Mexican AAA title to the US!

Anderson's an asshole!

Wait, what was that last bit? Bully Ray gives credit to everyone but Anderson. Then tensions are high between Ray and Anderson.

Anderson says Ray screwed him in his match against Kurt last week. Anderson and Ray keep arguing until Anderson issues a match at Hardcore Justice.

Ray spits in Anderson's face! Immortal separates them until Fortune comes out. Kazarian thought they would be invited to the ring so they charge in and toss Immortal out of the ring.

James Storm hurt his back during the brawl. 

Match 1: Madison Rayne vs. Miss Tessmacher

Knockouts Champion Mickie James join Tenay and Taz on commentary.

Why's Mickie on commentary? She doesn't have a pay-per-view match against either woman so what's the point?

It's always good to see "The Queen" Madison Rayne. My favorite!

Miss Tessmacher, one-half of the Knockouts Tag Champions, comes to the ring with Tara. Tara and Tessmacher do their good luck kiss, but Madison urges Earl Hebner to send Tara to the back.

Tara leaves, and Madison is still hot as ever.

Okay, that last part of the sentence was irrelevant to the situation, but I thought I'd point it out anyways.

It was a pretty good Knockouts match but it was too short in my opinion. Maybe I just wanted to see more of Madison...

Miss Tessmacher won after a roll-up on Madison.

Winner: Miss Tessmacher

There's a post-match beatdown by Madison on Ms. T, and Mickie feels the need to step in.

Mickie starts her way down the entrance ramp but is attacked by Angelina Love. Mickie fights Love off, but then Winter comes from behind.

Winter belts Mickie with the title and poses with it.

Winter looks good with the Knockouts title. Damn!

Match 2: BFG Series: AJ Styles vs. Devon

Devon was very impressive in this one, and AJ was, well, AJ. No. 1 of 500 on PWI Top 500.

I was impressed with the fact that Devon kept up with Styles the entire match.

Pope was in the crowd with Devon's family, and Daniels was sitting at the entrance ramp. AJ was more distracted by Daniels than Devon was with Pope. 

In fact, Styles lost because he was distracted by Daniels.

Winner: via roll-up, Devon (+7)

Styles is mad at Daniels, and Daniels just keeps asking for an answer from Styles.

Devon vs. Pope is announced for Hardcore Justice. It's a BFG match. 

Match 3: BFG Series: Samoa Joe vs. The Pope

Ah, the feud that ended at Lockdown revisited. I love it.

It's a good match, and Matt Morgan is on commentary to explain the importance of BFG Series matches.

Like that isn't stressed by Mike Tenay every week. "Wins and losses never mattered so much!" We get it Mike. No need to say it every week. Just kidding. Keeping doing you, Tenay.

Morgan is injured and maybe out of the Series for good, which helps my odds in my Bound For Glory Series League. 

As I said, it's a good match between these former rivals.

Samoa Joe locked Pope in a choke hold, and Pope tapped! He tapped! Joe wins and gets some points! 

When referee Jackson James (real-life son of Eric Bischoff) tries to pull Joe off Pope, he can't do it. He tells Joe to get off, or he'll reverse the decision.

Joe is in his own world, with his eyes in the back of his head, and James reverses it.

Pope wins by disqualification!

Winner: The Pope (+3)

As a result, Joe is penalized with a -10 for the DQ.

I am glad I didn't pick Joe in my BFG Series League.

Post match: Joe does an interview claiming that he is being held back. Hopefully this leads to a breakout performance that everyone is complaining about.

I might start to regret not picking Joe in my BFGS League...

I'm starting a mini tournament. The contestants will be in the poll entitled, "Who has the worst chance of getting on TV?" Vote for who you think will be the last man on TV. As people from the poll are shown on television, they will be eliminated until there's one last man standing. The winner is the biggest loser for not having TV time! My votes for Murphy!

Bully Ray is forced to apologize to Anderson by Hulk Hogan. Hogan wasn't on TV, he called Ray via cell phone earlier.

Ray goes to Anderson's locker room.

It takes Anderson a while, but he eventually accepts Ray's apology.

They shake hands, and Ray knees Anderson in the yam-bag region and says, "Who's the asshole now?" That Bully Ray, man.

Match 4: Street Fight: Bobby Roode vs. Hernandez

James Storm was originally supposed to wrestle but his back hurt from earlier so Roode filled in.

Roode and Hernandez had a great back-and-forth street fight. In the end, Sarita and Rosita distracted Roode long enough for Hernandez to get a roll-up and win.

Winner: Hernandez 

Match 5: Austin Aries vs. Alex Shelley

It was an entertaining match.

Aries and Shelley are two of my favorite guys on the IMPACT roster, so who do I root for!?

It was a good match. Aries semi-won cleanly. He pushed Shelley yam-bag first into the turnbuckle then hit a Brain Buster for the win.

Aries has a post-match attack on Shelley, but Kendrick made the save.

Can Brian Kendrick please wear a pair of shoes? Nothing I hate more than a guy who wrestles without shoes. Jeez.

Next week, there's going to be a load of X Division guys ready to make their IMPACT debut. Should be fun.

Match 6: BFG Series: Scott Steiner & Gunner vs. RVD & Crimson

This was definitely the match of the night.

We finally got to see young blood stars Crimson and Gunner lock horns.

Did anyone else flashback to Orton and Batista fighting during their Evolution days? I really felt like Crimson was a young Randy Orton and Gunner was a young Batista. Weird.

It was a hell of a match. Everyone was a part of it.

RVD hit Steiner with a Frog Splash to get the win.

Winners: RVD (+7) & Crimson

Throughout the entire night, they've hyped up this Angle vs. Sting match for Hardcore Justice. They even shown five minutes of the empty arena match they had in February 2009.

How about some old Monty Brown videos? Ha! Got "The Alpha Male" reference in at the last second!

To end the night they had a contract signing.

Sting and Angle signed the contract and showed signs of respect for each other.

This match better not have any dirty finish with the hype they've given it!

Hardcore Justice Card:

World Heavyweight Championship:

Kurt Angle vs. (c) Sting

Bully Ray vs. Mr. Anderson

AJ Styles, Kazarian and Daniels vs. Gunner, Abyss and Scott Steiner

World Tag Team Championship:

Mexican America vs. (c) Beer Money

X Division Championship:

Austin Aries vs. Alex Shelley vs. (c) Brian Kendrick 

Knockouts Championship:

Winter w/ Angelina Love vs. (c) Mickie James

BFG Series:

Crimson vs. RVD

BFG Series: 

The Pope vs. Devon

I'm not sure whether or not I'll write a review on Hardcore Justice, but I'll damn sure be watching it. This Angle vs. Sting is being built as the best match in ages.


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