I also decided to throw up a picture of Barack Obama, because Coyne is a die-hard conservative.
1 point - Atlanta over New Orleans
The Saints have screwed me over every time I pick them, so I'm staying away from them this week. I actually feel very good about the Falcons beating New Orleans this week, which is why I only put one point on the game. You know, because of the fact I'm usually wrong about these things.
2 points - Cleveland over Denver
3 points - Baltimore over Houston
Baltimore is proving to be one of the better teams in the NFL, but Houston is usually pretty good at home. If this game was in Baltimore, I'd probably put at least 10 points on the Ravens, but something about Reliant Stadium makes me uneasy. Even though the Texans are garbage and Sage Rosenfelds is no good. If the picks weren't already locked for the week, I would probably put a little more weight on this pick.
4 points - New York Jets over St. Louis
I should probably have put more points on the Jets, too. What was I thinking when I made these picks? I guess that's a question I could ask myself after every week though. Part of the reason I knocked the Jets down is my continuing hatred for all things Brett Favre. I honestly don't think I've taken a Prilosec while wearing Wranglers at all since he's been traded. But despite Favre playing like he's 39 (oh... wait), the Jets are finding ways to win.
5 points - Philadelphia over New York Giants
Even though the Eagles can't beat anybody good, I'm going to give them the nod this week against the Giants. Philadelphia is still in a state of euphoria after the Phillies title, perhaps their new outlook on life will transpire to the football field. The real reason I took the Eagles though is because I need to start taking some chances if I'm going to catch the leader in my points league. Well that, and because of how impressed I am of this baby firing up a crowd during the Phillies' victory parade:
6 points - Chicago over Tennessee
Remember what I just said about needing to take upsets to try to catch the leader? This is one of those upsets. I truly believe this one will come through, however. Look, I just saw the Titans play, and they are pretty good. But they are not 9-0 good. Unfortunately for a Packer fan like me, it's going to be the Bears that make Mercury Morris' day, but that's life.
7 points - Pittsburgh over Indianapolis
I picked up Jamaal Charles of the Chiefs this week, and I'm starting him over Joseph Addai this week. That's just one way of saying, I think the Colts are finished.
8 points - New England over Buffalo
I don't know what to think of this Patriots team, other than the fact that I did not think they would miss Tom Brady this much. I know he was the MVP and all, but I thought if any team could survive the loss of their starting quarterback, it would be the Patriots. Apparently not. I'm still on the Bills bandwagon, and this is almost a must-win for them, with the AFC East suddenly becoming a good division. Unfortunately for Chris Berman, the Patriots are going to ruin his day. But that's life.
9 points - Arizona over San Francisco
Not much to say on this one, I'm not too excited about that. And I'm a little distracted right now, Iowa just upset Penn State. Just once, I want to experience a moment like Hawkeyes kicker Daniel Murray just did. It's just so weird how grind it out of a game football is, and how often the games come down to kickers.
By the way, I'm also rooting for Alabama and Texas Tech losses tonight, so that college football realizes maybe it's time for Barack Obama's playoff system (Seriously, I love Obama. But him talking about how he wants a college football playoff system was so overblown this week. FOR GOD'S SAKES... EVERYONE WANTS A COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYOFF SYSTEM!!!)
10 points - Miami over Seattle
Miami is going to the playoffs this season. Their Wildcat system has just been too dominating this season. How fun will it be next year, when half the league tries to implement that system, and none of them do it successfully? That should be fun.
11 points - Jacksonville over Detroit
With the first pick in the 2009 NFL Draft, the Lions select.... (this guy?)
12 points - Green Bay over Minnesota
What can I say, I'm a homer. Plus, are you really telling me you don't think the Packers are going to win this week? Remember, Aaron Rodgers has never lost to the Minnesota Vikings.
13 points - San Diego over Kansas City
I think it's time I give up the Chargers as my AFC representative for the Super Bowl. They are still a good team, they just can't figure out how to win games. Actually, that's the opposite of what a good team is. Oh well, they are playing the Chiefs.
14 points - Carolina over Oakland
There you go folks, those are the picks. Seriously Coyne, what's so bad about this column? Other than the fact that I don't write it until 18 hours before the Sunday noon games, and by the team most of you read this article it's already past it's relevance. Other than that though, pretty good right? Plus, that baby thing was cute.
But if you're still looking for the best sports commercials, let's go with my favorite: