Kim Kardashian, Ron Artest, Hope Solo and Today's Swagger Buzz

Somewhere along the line, Kristin Cavallari thought Jay Cutler was the one, a man that could provide her all the happiness in the world. The nation was also mistaken into thinking the quarterback was headline news. We were all wrong, because it turns out he is just some dude. 

Jay Cutler can go back to being a second-tier quarterback that seems to have a bulls eye on his back for defensive ends. 

The Bears starter received a huge amount of publicity when it was announced that he was engaged to reality-TV star Kristin Cavallari. 

The fairy tale soon became a nightmare for Cavallari. The couple split in dramatic fashion last month. A scorned woman, Cavallari was said to be devastated. 

You can sympathize as she had just released wedding gown photos and their gift registry. The sad tale now has a book end. NBC reports Cavallari has given back the engagement ring. There is no word on whether she spiked it then did a dance first. 

The mourning period for Cavallari is just about over. She tweeted this gleeful post, "Going to Greece thursday...cannot wait!!!"

You can always tell the stature of a man on how long a woman needs to get over him. By my calculations, she got over him in no time at all. 

Now Cutler can rest in the fact that he will be forgotten by the general public. I would not venture to say that Cavallari will be a movie star, her credits include some very forgettable work. 

However, she will remain in the limelight, and Cutler will be content to elude an oncoming blitz. Cavallari need not worry about retribution, the rest of the NFL and their defensive lines will handle that portion. 

In about ten years, many will look back and declare, "do you remember when Krisitn Cavallari almost married that one guy?" With a smile, I will state his name is Jay Cutler, and I have no idea what he is doing at the moment. 

It is rare that you can sit down and open a video game and know that you will be pleasantly surprised. Many of you get goosebumps when you get home with the newest Madden. For me, its the FIFA series by EA. This year is about to give more of the same, pleasant surprises. 

There really is only one thing that gives me pause as I type. It is that I will have to wait until September 12th to get my hands on the virtual pitch that will take hours of my life away, in a great way. 

The latest incarnation of soccer, FIFA 12, is but a couple of months away. The good folks at EA have released some tidbits on what we can expect in changes and upgrades. 

Those that were lucky to take the game for a spin at E3 know that we are about to get inundated with goodness. 

ESPN's video game guru, Jon Robinson was one of those people, and he has something to say about it. He writes the following: 

So to say that the team at EA Sports has made such significant improvements to "FIFA 12" that once you play it, "FIFA 11" becomes irrelevant, well, you get how big of a statement that is.Thing is, every word of it is true.

I can do nothing but believe him. Every iteration of FIFA has driven at one crucial point, making the game play as realistic as possible, while leaving the fun well within the game. 

This year, EA will tweak three things that will have you coming back for more; player impact engine, precision dribbling, and tactical defending.

The new player impact engine will make collisions more realistic, heavily determined by real weight and strength. 

The precision dribbling will allow for better skirting through defense. Over-commiting on a drive will be a big no-no. The fine tap dance through a defense will have to be mastered. 

The biggest overhaul has been on defense. You simply can't drive and tackle. There has to be a good measure of timing and precision to that end of the pitch. 

Through it all, the main point is immersion and depth. It is one thing to have a game that will allow for fun on a random weekend, but we need replay value. 

EA is promising a game that will take the season to master, and that makes me excited to get a crack at it. 

Now comes the bad news. We all have to wait to have all this fun.

The grandest of events are usually laid out with a red carpet. EA and ESPN are doing just that by releasing tidbits on the newest hit video game, Madden 12. Today the hits are bigger than other days. 

On Tuesday, ESPN released the five highest-rated linebackers in the upcoming Madden 12. Like always, the ESPN expert on video games, Jon Robinson, offered the breakdown. You can view the grandeur here. 

There are so many great elements to every Madden, it is hard to choose just one. The most unheralded, but widely discussed, is the player ratings. 

The good people at EA work diligently to procure the most exact representation of player's true attributes in the form of a rating system. This gives us NFL fans a rare opportunity to discuss and banter about how true these ratings really are. 

The top five in descending order are as follows: James Harrison 98, DeMarcus Ware 98, Patrick Willis 98, Jon Beason 97, Clay Matthews 95 and Ray Lewis 95. 

These bad boys are hard-hitters in real life, as well as in the game. Just like in real life, the attributes that make these bruisers hit with authority can knock your opponents receivers unconscious. Yes, concussions are a very real part of the game. 

That makes it absolutely vital that you get the game on August 30th, and immediately trade for Ray Lewis. His play recognition is off the charts. It will enable his avatar to zone in on the run, and kill the man with the ball. 

It is see ball, kill ball with these fine chaps. In all of this discussion, we find that the evolution of Madden is the best part. The game has come to such a level that we can now have a thoughtful discussion on these ratings. 

Heated debate is a necessary part of sports. Madden proves that it has a place at the table of sports culture. 

Lolo Jones has a problem that I just can't understand. It's not that I don't empathize with what she is going through, it's just that I can't understand how a woman like that has a problem like this. 

You see, Lolo Jones can't seem to find love. The world-class American hurdler has been on so many crummy dates that it is surprising that she is not more jaded than she is. 

Sensing an opportunity to bring a hot female athlete to the masses with a great story, ESPN asked Jones if she would indulge them in some speed dating. 

The lightning quick hurdler was game for the speed dating challenge. Two things happened that are of no surprise to me. One, she did not find true love. 

This is hardly an earth-shattering revelation as speed dating has to be the worst ways to really get to know somebody. 

Second, Lolo Jones handled the ordeal with a sense of humor, class and dignity. You can't expect any less from an Olympian that fell short of her gold medal dream, only to handle the stumble in the most dignified of manners. 

The most telling portion of her exchange is when she identified the positives of speed dating. She stated the following. 

They have to talk to me. I've talked to everyone from A-list celebrities to top athletes. Pros have courage, but they deal with the emotional roller coaster of their season; it's hard to deal with mine too.

There you go. The problem lies in the old adage that nobody wants to talk to a hot woman. While true, it should be amended to, nobody would dare hit on a hot woman who also happens to be a world class hurdler. 

It has to be hard running around the world, never staying for long in one place. The life of a famous athlete is sadly a lonely one. 

I am confident that a classy lady like Jones will not be lonely for long though. 

She was benched ahead of an important World Cup match, then kicked off the team for remarks she made after the game. She was then shunned by her teammates. All of that was a lifetime ago; things are very different for Hope Solo now. 

The woman who could do no wrong in the 2011 World Cup did everything incorrectly in 2007. After that debacle, Solo was seen as selfish and grandiose. 

What a difference four years makes? The once reviled keeper has a new deal in place that proves, just like in men's sports, winning cures all ills. 

SportingNews reported Hope Solo would be the new face of the biggest sports drink in the world. Gatorade signed the US Women's keeper to a multi-year deal to endorse their product. 

The US lost the 2011 World Cup to Japan, but they dazzled a nation with their impressive play. A second place finish never looked so good. 

Hope Solo was an immediate star with her superb play and passion for the game. It was hard not to like a winner that gave the sport everything she had. 

In 2007, she chided then head coach Greg Ryan for benching her against Brazil. Her comments were taken as disrespect for back-up Brianna Scurry. Solo was just being the same self-confidant person she is today. Only, we could not see that behind the US loss at the time. 

Winning has a way of changing the color and tint of a picture. Solo is still the woman who demands to be between the sticks, only we see that as confidence, and not brutish egotism. 

Winning is the hardest thing to do in all of sport. With it come the best spoils in the world. For a time, you can do no wrong, and are in the good graces of everyone you meet. 

Winning cures all ills is used so often it falls into the reprehensible pile of cliche. However, it is used so often for a reason. It is so very true, and Hope Solo has proved its point once again. 

Ridiculous. The only thing I can think to mutter to myself as I read exhaustive coverage on Kim Kardashian and her wedding gown, ridiculous.

The fact that I mutter to myself is proof positive that Kim Kardashian has sucked my brain dry of the last usable brain cell. She finished what binge drinking had started a long time ago. 

The latest brouhaha surrounding Kim K. and her wedding is the decision to go with Vera Wang to design her wedding dress. 

The fact that we consider this news is laughable, and as arbitrary as having your neighbor win millions in the lotto. Kardashian is living the life of a rock star, movie goddess and artist, all while accomplishing little more than nothing. 

The soon to be bride of New Jersey Nets star Kris Humphries is receiving a great many hours of thought on her Vera Wang decision. 

Let me put it this way. This woman is garnering the type of attention that necessitates writers to sit in a chair and write "thoughts" on her latest triumph. 

If there was ever a more time-wasting exercise in the history of journalism, I can't find one. Oh, yeah, my brain cell. 

I am on a crusade now. My duty is simple. I need to find out why this family continues to capture the attention of a nation. I may be on my death bed many years from now muttering, "are you seriously recording Keeping Up With the Kardashians reunion episode?"

Somewhere along the line of this reality TV fad that was supposed to die off and go the way of slap bracelets and neon t-shirts, we decided to turn off our brains. 

Now we have reputable news source like the LA Times covering this like it mattered. Well, it doesn't. The day that we realize that Kardashian is famous simply because she is famous, well, we realize how ridiculous this all is.

I fear I may join the masses that care now. I no longer have the brain cells to do otherwise.   

One is an affable reality star that is as lovely and photogenic as anyone on TV. The other is a clown that just happens to be one of the greatest centers in NBA history. Together, they are the answer to the NBA lockout doldrums. 

For the time being, the NBA is on hiatus. The players representative, Lakers guard Derek Fisher, has only just met with the league. 

The negotiations are assumed to be a long and laborious process. It is time for some good old fashioned distractions. I can't help but think that should come in the form of the new analyst for TNT, Shaquille O'Neal, and his girlfriend, Nicole "Hoopz" Alexander. 

I am coming from a place of disdain for most reality television. More often than not, the "real" people on the screen are manipulated by producers to invoke some interesting moments. 

That is when we get trash like Basketball Wives that gives us brawls and slap fights as a substitute for dramatic entertainment. How about if we got some characters that were actually interesting in real life? 

With the NBA lockout threatning to kill the 2011-2012 NBA season, there will be little to nothing for Shaq to analyze on TNT. 

It is time to get him and his lady a season of their own show. If you need convincing, please take a look at this Harvard Medical School video on sleep apnea starring the dynamic duo. 

They managed to take a topic as dull as sleeping irregularities and made it entertaining. Now imagine what they can do with a few episodes on their own accord.

You have a personable lady that is very easy on the eyes in Hoopz played against a jokester that is never lacking in entertaining quips.

This is the type of programming that I would stop all chores to tune into. The obvious star for his own show is Shaquille O'Neal, now make it happen Hollywood.  

The New York Jets are a loud-mouthed circus that is lead by a class clown. Their hysterical journey took another turn this week while one thing remained constant. It was all about Rex Ryan. 

I realized something so obvious this morning that I am almost ashamed to admit it. Rex Ryan loves himself some Rex Ryan. 

The zaftig head coach simply can't get enough of his own image or hi-jinx. The amazing thing is that he never comes off as obnoxious, at least not to me. I am sure there are Patriots fans out there that had enough of Ryan a few years ago. 

He walks a fine line between egomania and tongue and cheek banter. On Monday, we got a look at a laughable tattoo that suits Ryan just right. 

As I wrote, the tat is a perfect dork stamp, an uncool ink spot placed on the calf of a man that doesn't realize he is uncool. The joke was on me. It is not that Ryan doesn't know he is uncool, it's that he doesn't care.

On Tuesday, the Jets released a video on their Facebook page that stated exactly what the tattoo meant. Straight from Ryan's mouth, "A new 'tat' means believe in yourself, which I've got no problem doing."

No, he doesn't. That ink on his right calf has been the target of an exhaustive measure of jokes. Many, including myself, have chided the coach for being out of touch. How can this man not know how uncool that tat is?

Again, he doesn't care. Ryan has always been about having fun and letting loose. In the end, it doesn't matter what people say or write, as long as the smile he wears is genuine and the laughter is raucous.

How can we make fun of a man that cares little of being made fun of? The simple answer is you can't. The joke, you see, is on all of us. Let's wipe the egg from our faces and take a long look at the tattoo. It turns out, it is cool after all.  

Behind wide-eyes and an ever present smile, Ron Artest seems easy to understand. Past transgressions and renewed personae prove otherwise. However, this summer has been a stark look into one of the most mysterious athletes in all of sports. 

A self-professed cuckoo bird, Ron Artest decided to dabble into something he had never done his entire life, stand-up comedy. 

The Lakers star decided to host a four-city comedy tour that is just one aspect of a wild summer. The stage has provided Artest with a pulpit with which to answer some fairly revealing stories that have been reported. 

Deadspin recently reported a story that alleged Artest sent lewd photos and texts with a woman who was not his former wife. Artest had this to say to LA Times' Mark Medina on just that story. 

You know what man, it was kind of crazy. People are trying to pull not even pranks, but try to stir something up that doesn't make any sense. It really doesn't make any sense. People call you and then pull pranks. I never shied away from the media. You can't be trying to end people's lives and what you think they have. I wasn't worried about anything. People are trying to start trouble and that's it. You have to move on.

There is no way to know exactly what went on with Artest in the convoluted response to Medina. It only furthers the mystery. We even found out that Artest is a single man. The woman we all presumed to be his wife, Kimsha Hatfield, was in fact divorced to Artest. 

It seems that when you get one piece of Artest information, another chasm of mystery is unlocked. There is no way of fully understanding Artest, or his off kilter personality, and that is what makes him such a draw. 

As if more of an entertainer than athlete, Artest offers no answers and gives only intriguing conundrums. 

I am disturbingly giddy to find what this NBA lockout will bring from such personalities as Artest. We will never get a full read on Artest, but that is a good thing. With Ron-Ron, the complexity is part of the fun.  

There are so many different types of tattoos that we would need hours to cover them all. You all know the tribal band, and the tramp stamp. Well, New York Jets head coach Rex Ryan has invented a new tattoo I am calling the dork stamp. 

You see the wearer is telling all around him that he is a dork with no grasp of reality. We all age, mature and give up things that could be considered a bad idea, not Rex Ryan. He suited up into a nice nerd suit and jumped into the deep end. 

Jets' executive Vice President of business operations, Mark Higgins, tweeted this nonsense on Monday morning:

"Converse sneaks. Check. New tattoo. Check. Rex is ready for camp. #jets http//t.co/DOCURri"

The link takes you to a picture of Ryan's new ink. There are only two explanations for such a travesty of permanent ink.

Ryan could have found a DeLorean that travels back in time when it hits 88 mph, taking him to when he was a teenager. The other plausible scenario is that the head coach of the New York Jets is actually a 19-year old frat boy from 2003.

There is no other rational scenario or explanation that would yield such an off-putting tattoo that is both ridiculous and lame.

This is just a byproduct of a man that can't let go of his youth. Midlife crisis looks very bad on this guy. We now have further proof that as the pants line gets higher on men, the need to look cool in other ways becomes immediate.

The real victim in all this are the Converse sneakers that would look much cooler on any other feet. This is the same problem people have when they have me in a picture. You become uncool by association.

I think it is far overdue. Please, someone, do not let Rex Ryan make anymore decision for himself.  

They know you want it. You know you want it. Now they will give you all the Madden 12 excitement you can handle, one tiny morsel at a time. 

There is no sense in denying it, the Madden franchise is the most popular sports game. Its release is both a reason to skip work and to stop any and all personal chores, showering included. 

The mas hysteria has allowed EA and ESPN to collaborate in a scheme that is one part marketing and one part sports information. 

ESPN columnist and video game expert, Jon Robinson, will be releasing the player ratings for all 32 NFL teams, one day at a time. The first portion is delivered in the form of the Miami Dolphins and Buffalo Bills. 

For the video game nerds like myself, you can view them here. The obvious note is made by Robinson that the game will hip with outdated rosters.

Simply, the lockout made it impossible for EA to produce the game with recent transactions taken into account. Worry not fine Madden 12 denizen, there will be an online update on day one.

This is hyper real situation we are dealing with. Madden is so immensely popular that their fake ratings are getting very real publicity by the leader in sports news.

It is hard to argue against such a decision. The game is all any sports fan dreams of every year at this time. And the ratings have been fought over by friends all over the world as they sit down to a competitive game with pizza-greased controllers in their hands.

There is no other video game franchise that demands such attention and respect as Madden. There is a ton of homework that goes into getting these ratings as close to the player's actual attributes as possible.

It is what makes Madden a must have for any football fan. There is a fine line between arcade fun and serious simulation. EA knocks that part out of the park in most years.

This is yet another example of why Madden 12 will be another reason to shut down all activities on august 30th, aside from eating breathing and playing this game.