Sure, we want our girls to be beautiful…but since when is that enough?
In honor of Gina Carano, whose MMA hiatus will be coming to an end with the release of her movie, we here at B/R humbly present to you a list of the 30 most beautiful female athletes on the planet who should also probably try their hand at acting.
Not because they’re not good at sports, but because they’ve got a very special something...
Some of our greatest comic actors are Canadian (Jim Carrey, Mike Myers, and Steve Nash)…why should Sarah Burke be any different (save for the fact that she’s anatomically superior to all those mentioned and thus falls victim to the Funny People conundrum: “There’s nothing funny about a physically fit man.” Slash woman.)?
Somewhere just outside the cabin, there’s a bear skinning itself.
At 22, I’m pretty sure Alex Morgan is one of the youngest entries on this list and one of only two to play in this year’s World Cup.
Okay, this is our first “name” submission.
Not “name” as in I know who she is (I don’t), but “name” as in she has a cool name (at least so far as people with a variation of the name “Beatrice” go.)
Hollywood loves power couples, and rumor has it that tomorrow’s “preeminent pairing in golf” has just come together.
Caroline Wozniacki is dating Rory McIlroy, proving for quite possible the first time in history that it pays to be pale and Irish.
Stacy Keibler spent 6 years in the WCW and WWE, which is almost like being an athlete…and she appeared for 6 episodes on ABC’s What About Brian, which is almost like being an actor.
Her time is now.
So that’s good. She’s been exposed to the camera.
Even more promising, Janet Evans is known for something: Her coining of a particularly violent “windmill” stroke, promising both because Hollywood likes people that are known for something (i.e. “From the director of Iron Man” or “From the creator of the Windmill Stroke”) and those who have a reputation for volatility (see: Russell Crowe. Don’t: tell him he was in this article, lest he hit me with a phone.).
I put her on the list literally because I liked her scowl.
Tell me this girl isn’t cut out to play the classmate who corrupts the straight-laced sister of a Corey Matthews type by bringing hard-drugs and an introduction to familial instability into the house.
99% chance her name would be “Gia.”
Or actually, you know what works even better? “Logan Tom.”
If you share a name with Wolverine, you’re probably trouble.
Or, as she’s listed in the credits:
Jennifer Carpenter as “Hope Solo.”
In acting, you need to know your type.
(Side note: That’s Godzilla in the picture. I most certainly think that Lauren Jackson is more beautiful than Godzilla, I’m more just saying they’re roughly the same size.)
Part of NC’s admittedly hefty ranking stems from my deep-seeded and somewhat troubling impulse to include the name Natalie prominently on any “acting/woman I’d like to sleep with” list, a desire which has in no way dissipated since its “birthmother” became a birthmother to some ballerina-dude’s irrationally pliable baby.
I have Natalie Coughlin now.
I just checked with my agent as to whether her name alone would be enough to make her a Bond Girl.
It wasn’t, but her picture was.
As we learned in the previous slide, names mean a lot.
Ashley Force is a great name, fit to be either the designation of a movie star or a universal oneness with which a nerdy teenager named Ashley tries in vain to telekinetically lift her backpack.
See, now clearly this girl knows how to act.
I’m thinking we do something like the Olsen twins video sets here, thusly attempting to create the first ever marketing platform aimed at both 40-year-old men and 13-year-old girls.
Bia and Branca presents: The Mystery of the Degenerate Neighbor who may or may not have violated a restraining order.
She doesn’t seem to be particularly enthused with all the media attention her online photos have generated…and for actors, pretending to not be enthused by the adulation of millions is textbook.
Stokke is whatever nationality Allison is for, “no publicist required.”
As the late, great inventor of most things acting Stanislavski once said:
“You can totally tell how good an actor someone is based on how they look in panties.”
(The preceding has been a presentation of, “Ryan Makes Up Facts for the Betterment of his Articles, Inc.”)
Here is Gulbis showing genuine affection for a tree, which, for all intents and purposes, isn’t much of a scene partner.
I think that shows real skill on Gulbis’ part—portraying arousal via tree. (The following dialogue is fake.)
Gulbis – “I think I love you.”
Tree – [No response.]
Gulbis – “You’re tearing me apart!”
Tree – …
Gulbis – “Sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe without you.”
Tree – “Lady, that’s the first logical thing you’ve said all day.”
Gulbis – “Thank you, Tree.”
Tree – [No response.]
Not content to rest on her laurels, here’s Gulbis with a wall.
(Editor’s note: This list contains slides that not so subtly insinuate the author is up way past his bedtime. This may or may not be one of them.)
(Ed Note: That was Ryan acting like an editor. I didn't write that. Strange dude.)
It’s Jennie Finch’s name recognition (she is, after all, the preeminent softball player in America and has been for about 10 years) that lands her the no. 12 spot.
Also of note: You have no idea how close this slide was to being another tree scene.
As aforementioned twice, half of the battle in Hollywood is having a good name, and “Picabo Street” may be an even better than “Allison Force.” (It’s far more affable.)
Picabo Street might be a tad less, um, traditionally beautiful than a number of the woman on this list, but she’s cute. And cute has a massive place in Hollywood.
She’s pictured to the left with either Elmo, or a furious Grover.
Lindsey Vonn apparently idolizes Picabo Street, so I thought it appropriate to keep them together.
Why Lindsey on top?
Because after the name, the other half of the battle in Hollywood is who you know.
We’re getting into the heavy hitters now.
Mia Hamm has the looks, the name recognition, and boy, is she known for something as she was twice named the FIFA World Player of the Year (both honors coming in the first two years the award was given) and currently serves as the logo for Women’s Professional Soccer.
These are the types of people who get their calls returned.
As soon as they greenlight the She-Hulk movie, this woman needs to get herself to Los Angeles.
Lord knows the tennis thing didn’t work out.
MUDYK*: Anna Benson is set to star in a Hung-esque vehicle for HBO, tentatively titled: Willing.
(The preceding has been a presentation of, “Ryan Makes Up Facts for the Betterment of his Articles, Inc.” or, a "Made Up Did You Know.")
I’m not 100% sure on this, but didn’t Danica Patrick beat out Meryl Streep for the lead in the Go Daddy ads?
Anna Rawson. Because she kind of looks like a cross between Melanie Laurent and Amber Heard.
That logline doesn’t get you signed; it gets you in a movie.
I’ve long had a thing for Sue Bird, and this extraordinarily hefty ranking is what I’d like to consider a homage to the lady who is more slightly more attractive then Larry (if only he hadn’t of shaved the mustache…), and only slightly less talented.
In Hollywood-speak, Sue Bird is the girl next door (provided you're living in the requisite neighborhood of “all attractive people”), and those types tend to have long careers.
When Sue Bird gets done with basketball, she’ll be far from out of options.
I just sent her a bumper sticker that says, “My other husband is not Sasha Vujacic.”
I am not a hater.
This article’s namesake slash the Vin Diesel of seductive women, Gina Carano is already there—she’s an actor—and thus, had to be number one.
“Haywire,” the first film for the Strikeforce fighter (she’s the star!), is directed by the uber-notable Steven Soderburgh and will be released in January of next year.
According to secaucusnewjersey.org, Soderburgh “decided to base his action film around Gina Carano when he saw her MMA fight on TV because he admired the way she fights.”
That’s pretty cool. And the movie actually looks good!
Not that I would say otherwise…
Gina Carano would kill me.