What do you get when you mix Chuck Norris, Andrew Jackson and James Dean, then add a dose of Creatine and a faux-hawk?
A cultural phenomenon—or, in other words, a “bro.”
Bros have always been prevalent in social society, but it wasn’t until recently that the word has evolved into an entirely different beast and exploded in male vocabularies everywhere.
Noun: Man, that guy in the Ed Hardy shirt is a total bro.
Adjective: Wait, you went to the gym twice in the same day? That’s way too bro for me.
Verb: We’re going to crush some Bud Light, drink some Jäger and go bro out at Circa tonight.
Not surprisingly, the brolification of the word has extended its fist-pumping influence beyond the Jersey Shore and into the sports stratosphere.
So how does one gauge the biggest bro of them all? Instead of detailing the obvious bro traits (womanly conquests, beer-guzzling ability, general appearance), we give you Gaston, the original bro from Disney’s The Beauty and the Beast:
No one's slick as Gaston
No one's quick as Gaston
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's
For there's no man in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon!
You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on
So which bro in sports sets the bro bar so high that all aspiring bros should form envious bromance with?
Bro-wse on to find out.