The 38 Best Quotes in Football Movie History

Matt SteinCorrespondent IIJuly 27, 2011

The 38 Best Quotes in Football Movie History

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    With the NFL lockout having just ended, coaches are going to need to motivate their players quickly. What better way to do that then by using the great writing minds of Hollywood?

    I'm not saying that Bill Belichick or Mike Tomlin can't give great motivational speeches. I'm just saying that they can't say it quite like coach Herman Boone can after saying the same line 20 times before getting it absolutely perfect.

    We all have our favorite movies about football, and we all have our favorite quotes from those movies. Whether they may make you laugh or cry, scream in anger or jump for joy, here are the 38 best quotes in football movie history.

38. Radio: I Want Both

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    Waitress: You want strawberry pie or apple pie?
    Radio: I wan' both!

     

    That a boy Radio. Way to get what you want.

37. Forrest Gump: He Sure Is Fast

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    Coach Bryant: That kid may be the stupidest son of a bitch I've ever seen, but he sure is fast!

     

    Come on, Coach Bryant—Forrest can't help the fact that he might not be as far ahead mentally as the rest of us.

36. Leatherheads: Sergeant York

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    Jimmy "Dodge" Connelly: I got a new play. It's called the Sergeant York.

     

    Do you think this is what NFL coaches name their plays today? It sure would make things a lot easier.

35. North Dallas Forty: Quarterback Sandwich

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    Maxwell: Ladies, ever had a quarterback sandwich?

     

    Quarterbacks can get away with anything. Damn you, quarterbacks.

34. Little Giants: 80 + 40 = 100?

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    Steve Emtman: Just remember, football is 80 percent mental and 40 percent physical.

     

    I don't think Steve Emtman was much of a mathematician.

33. The Waterboy: You Can Do It

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    Townie: You can do it.

     

    Had anyone other than Rob Schneider had this line, it wouldn't have worked. It certainly wouldn't have worked numerous times in the same movie.

32. The Program: Opening a Can

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    Alvin Mack: Let's open up a can of kick ass and kill 'em all, let the paramedics sort 'em out.

     

    I like the idea of opening the can of kick ass, but killing them might be a little extreme.

31. Heaven Can Wait: Who Is Right?

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    Mr. Jordan: The likelihood of one individual being right increases in direct proportion to the intensity with which others are trying to prove him wrong.

     

    Give me like 10 minutes to figure out what Mr. Jordan is saying, and then I can explain it to you. I think I'll be right, but I could be wrong.

30. All the Right Moves: USC's Low Academic Standards

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    Steff: Listen up, ladies. Brian Riley is going to USC!
    Brian: All I have to do is maintain my fantastic 2.0 grade-point average, and everything is cool.

     

    Even back in 1983 the standards for getting into USC were pretty low. Things haven't changed much in the last 20 years.

29. The Longest Yard: Protect ME!

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    Paul Crewe: The most important thing to remember is: to protect your quarterback—ME!

     

    I agree that protecting the quarterback is important, but is it really the most important thing? That might be taking it a little far. One might say you are a little too into yourself, Mr. Crewe.

28. Invincible: Don't Get Your Hopes Up

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    Frank Papale: I know. That touchdown got me through 30 years at that factory. Got me through all those times your mother being sick. When I told you not to get your hopes up...didn't mean that I wasn't.

     

    This is the type of speech I always wanted to get from my dad. I guess that is why I never turned out to be a professional athlete.

27. Facing the Giants: It Don't Have to Look Pretty

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    J.T. Hawkins Jr.: It don't have to look pretty, it don't have to look smooth. It can look like a dying duck as long as it goes through the goal.

     

    When it's put like that, anyone should be able to be a kicker in the NFL.

26. Any Given Sunday: Kiss Me

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    McKenna: Hey, unless you're gonna kiss me, get your hands off my ass.

     

    This is why you never try to line up under the wrong player to snap the football. It is just asking for an awkward moment.

25. Necessary Roughness: Playing in a Typhoon

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    Chuck Neiderman: But in a typhoon it's anybody's game.

     

    So true.

24. The Replacements: Professional Football Players

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    Jimmy McGinty: All right, Sentinels. Listen up. There are some who will say that your accomplishments today will soon be forgotten, that you're not real players, that this isn't a real team. And I say that's bullsh*t. Because as of today, you're all professional football players. You're being paid to play, and I want to you to remember that, because the men whose places you've taken forgot that a long time ago. Let's bring it in. Let's play some football.

     

    This is exactly what I would say to replacement players. You see, with replacement players, you have to make them believe they are actually really good.

23. The Blind Side: Cut off His Penis

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    Leigh Anne Tuohy: Michael, I want you to have a good time but if you get a girl pregnant out of wedlock, I will crawl into the car, drive up to Oxford and cut off your penis.

     

    That is quite the statement to send your kid off to college with. If I was Michael Oher, I probably wouldn't leave my dorm room for fear of my manly parts.

22. The Longest Yard: Incidental Punishment

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    Granville: Alright men, now here's the play we're gonna use. I don't think the guards know this formation. It's called "incidental punishment after the ball is blown dead." Remember, any man you tackle gets an elbow, knee, or kick in the mouth.

    Now this is the type of football that I love to watch. Personally, I believe that elbowing, kneeing and kicking in the mouth should be allowed.

21. Ace Ventura: Einhorn Is a Man

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    Ace Ventura: What the... That's it! Einhorn is Finkle! Finkle is Einhorn! Einhorn is a man!

     

    Sure, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective isn't really a football movie, but it is based around the Miami Dolphins, and Ray Finkle used to be an NFL kicker. He is now a woman.

20. Remember the Titans: Fifth Grade Sissies

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    Coach Boone: You look like a bunch of fifth grade sissies after a cat fight! You got anger, that's good you're gonna need it, you got aggression that's even better you're gonna need that, too. But any little two year old child can throw a fit! Football is about controlling that anger, harnessing that aggression into a team effort to achieve perfection! 

     

    Coach Boone was always talking about perfection, and now we know that if we control our anger and harness our aggression, we can achieve perfection.

    I didn't know it was that simple, but I will certainly give it a try.

19. The Waterboy: Lawrence Taylor's Wisdom

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    Lawrence Taylor: Which brings me to my second point, kids. Don't do crack.

     

    How many more points of wisdom do you think Lawrence Taylor had for these kids?

    Ten?

    Twenty?

18. Varsity Blues: Football Is a Way of Life

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    Mox: In America, we have laws. Laws against killing, laws against stealing. And it is just accepted that as a member of American society, you will live by these laws. In West Canaan, Texas, there is another society which has its own laws. Football is a way of life.

    Nobody does it bigger and better in football than Texas. I absolutely believe that football is more important than the actual law in West Canaan.

17. The Blind Side

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    Leigh Anne: This team is your family Michael. When you look at him you think of me, how you have my back. Are you going to protect your family Michael?

     

    I would do anything to protect Sandra Bullock. I would even consider going up against Michael Oher.

16. Rudy: Ru-dy!

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    Players and Fans: Ru-dy! Ru-dy! Ru-dy!

     

    This was my dream growing up. To have a stadium full of people chanting your name must be exhilarating.

    Unfortunately, people don't usually chant names during a tennis match.

15. Remember the Titans: Rule Like Titans

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    Coach Boone: Tonight we've got Hayfield. Like all the other schools in this conference, they're all white. They don't have to worry about race. We do. Let me tell you something: you don't let anyone come between us. Nothing tears us apart. In Greek mythology, the Titans were greater even than the gods. They ruled their universe with absolute power. Well that football field out there, that's our universe. Let's rule it like titans.

     

    All I can say is that I want to be a Titan.

14. Jerry Maguire: You Complete Me

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    Jerry Maguire: I love you. You...you complete me. And I just...
    Dorothy: Shut up, just shut up. You had me at "hello."

     

    This is the line I used to get my wife to marry me, so yeah, it works.

    By the way, I'm just kidding. I used a way cheesier line than that one.

13. The Express: 21 Lines

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    Ernie Davis: 21 straight lines five yards apart. That is a football field. But there are other lines you don't see that run deeper and wider. All the way through the country, and aren't part of any game.

     

    Let us all take some time to remember that there is more to life than just football.

    Okay, now back to obsessing about football.

12. Remember the Titans: Perfection

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    Coach Boone: We will be perfect in every aspect of the game. You drop a pass, you run a mile. You miss a blocking assignment, you run a mile. You fumble the football, and I will break my foot off in your John Brown hind parts and then you will run a mile. Perfection. Let's go to work. 

     

    Very few times will we ever see perfection in a football game. But every once in a while, we witness perfection, and it is amazing. Coach Boone expected perfection, and I don't believe he was asking too much.

11. Rudy: No One Comes into Our House

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    Dan Devine: No one, and I mean no one, comes into our house and pushes us around.

     

    I once tried to use this line to pump up my roommates before a flag football game. We got so excited that we broke three lamps and a coffee table.

10. Knute Rockne All American: Win One for the Gipper

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    Knute Rockne: Now I'm going to tell you something I've kept to myself for years. None of you ever knew George Gipp. He was long before your time, but you all know what a tradition he is at Notre Dame. And the last thing he said to me, "Rock," he said, "sometime when the team is up against it and the breaks are beating the boys, tell them to go out there with all they've got and win just one for the Gipper. I don't know where I'll be then, Rock," he said, "but I'll know about it and I'll be happy."

     

    I know the clip above isn't this actual speech, but it gives you a good idea of who Knute Rockne was. The Gipper speech is simply legendary.

9. Jerry Maguire: Show Me the Money!

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    Jerry Maguire: Show me the money!

     

    You know a quote is good when after 15 years, people are still saying it.

8. The Replacements: Glory Lasts Forever

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    Shane Falco: I wish I could say something classy and inspirational, but that just wouldn't be our style. Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory...lasts forever.

     

    All three of those things are true. Pain does eventually heal. Chicks really do dig scars. Glory will last forever. Well said, Falco, well said.

7. Rudy: Prove Nothin' to Nobody

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    Fortune: You're five foot nothin', 100 and nothin', and you have barely a speck of athletic ability. And you hung in there with the best college football players in the land for two years. And you're gonna walk outta here with a degree from the University of Notre Dame. In this life, you don't have to prove nothin' to nobody but yourself. And after what you've gone through, if you haven't done that by now, it ain't gonna never happen. Now go on back.

    This is one of the greatest football movies of all time, and had Fortune the janitor not given this speech to Rudy, who knows what would have happened?

6. Remember the Titans: Gettysburg Address II

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    Coach Boone: This is where they fought the battle of Gettysburg. Fifty thousand men died right here on this field, fighting the same fight that we are still fighting among ourselves today. This green field right here, painted red, bubblin' with the blood of young boys. Smoke and hot lead pouring right through their bodies. Listen to their souls, men. I killed my brother with malice in my heart. Hatred destroyed my family. You listen, and you take a lesson from the dead. If we don't come together right now on this hallowed ground, we too will be destroyed, just like they were. I don't care if you like each other of not, but you will respect each other. And maybe...I don't know, maybe we'll learn to play this game like men.

     

    This was the turning point of this fantastic movie. A great idea by Coach Boone to bring his players together on such a historic field.

5. We Are Marshall: We Are Marshall!

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    Jack Lengyel: When you take that field today, you've got to lay that heart on the line, men. From the soles of your feet, with every ounce of blood you've got in your body, lay it on the line until the final whistle blows. And if you do that, if you do that, we cannot lose. We may be behind on the scoreboard at the end of the game but if you play like that we cannot be defeated. Now we came here today to remember six young men and sixty-nine others who will not be on the field with you today, but they will be watching. You can bet your ass that they'll be gritting their teeth with every snap of that football. You understand me? How you play today, from this moment on is how you will be remembered. This is your opportunity to rise from these ashes and grab glory. We are...
    Young Thundering Herd: Marshall!

     

    This is the speech that the 0-16 Detroit Lions listened to after every game. Of course, instead of saying, "We are Marshall," they said, "We are Lions."

4. Brian's Song: I Love Brian Piccolo

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    Gale Sayers: I'd like to tell you about a guy I know, a friend of mine. His name is Brian Piccolo. And he has the heart of a giant, and that rare form of courage that allows him to kid himself and his opponent, cancer. He has a mental attitude that makes me proud to have a friend who spells out the word "courage" 24 hours a day, every day of his life. Now you honor me by giving me this award. But I say to you here now Brian Piccolo is the man who deserves the George S. Halas award. It is mine tonight...and Brian Piccolo's tomorrow. I love Brian Piccolo. And I'd like all of you to love him too. And so tonight, when you hit your knees, please ask God to love him.

    Just take a moment to cry. It's okay, I promise.

3. Friday Night Lights: Perfection

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    Coach Gary Gaines: Being perfect is not about that scoreboard out there. It's not about winning. It's about you and your relationship with yourself, your family and your friends. Being perfect is about being able to look your friends in the eye and know that you didn't let them down because you told them the truth. And that truth is you did everything you could. There wasn't one more thing you could've done. Can you live in that moment as best you can, with clear eyes, and love in your heart, with joy in your heart? If you can do that, gentlemen—you're perfect!

     

    See Mom, I told you I was perfect.

2. Remember the Titans: Not Another Yard

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    Coach Yoast: All right, now, I don't want them to gain another yard! You blitz...all...night! If they cross the line of scrimmage, I'm gonna take every last one of you out! You make sure they remember, forever, the night they played the Titans!

     

    Coach Yoast gave his players quite the ultimatum in this fantastic speech. His defense responded, and their opponents never forgot the Titans.

1. Any Given Sunday: Inches

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    Tony D'Amato: I don't know what to say, really. Three minutes to the biggest battle of our professional lives. All comes down to today, and either, we heal as a team, or we're gonna crumble. Inch by inch, play by play. Until we're finished. We're in hell right now, gentlemen. Believe me. And, we can stay here, get the sh*t kicked out of us, or we can fight our way back into the light. We can climb outta hell... one inch at a time.

    Now I can't do it for ya, I'm too old. I look around, I see these young faces and I think, I mean, I've made every wrong choice a middle-aged man can make. I, uh, I've pissed away all my money, believe it or not. I chased off anyone who's ever loved me. And lately, I can't even stand the face I see in the mirror. You know, when you get old, in life, things get taken from you. I mean, that's... that's... that's a part of life. But, you only learn that when you start losin' stuff. You find out life's this game of inches, so is football. Because in either game—life or football—the margin for error is so small. I mean, one half a step too late or too early and you don't quite make it. One half second too slow, too fast and you don't quite catch it.

    The inches we need are everywhere around us. They're in every break of the game, every minute, every second. On this team we fight for that inch. On this team we tear ourselves and everyone else around us to pieces for that inch. We claw with our fingernails for that inch. Because we know when add up all those inches, that's gonna make the f*cking difference between winning and losing! Between living and dying! I'll tell you this, in any fight it's the guy whose willing to die whose gonna win that inch. And I know, if I'm gonna have any life anymore it's because I'm still willing to fight and die for that inch, because that's what living is, the six inches in front of your face.

    Now I can't make you do it. You've got to look at the guy next to you, look into his eyes. Now I think ya going to see a guy who will go that inch with you. You're gonna see a guy who will sacrifice himself for this team, because he knows when it comes down to it you're gonna do the same for him. That's a team, gentlemen, and either we heal, now, as a team, or we will die as individuals. That's football guys, that's all it is. Now, what are you gonna do? 

     

    Seriously, who wants to come over and play football right now?