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We Aren't Penn State: GQ Is Not a Fan

TAMPA, FL - JANUARY 1:  Fans of the Penn State Nittany Lions cheer play against the Florida Gators January 1, 2011 in the 25th Outback Bowl at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa, Florida.  (Photo by Al Messerschmidt/Getty Images)
Al Messerschmidt/Getty Images
Alex FergusonSenior Analyst IIDecember 17, 2014


We. Are. Douches.


And it’s true – according to GQ Magazine. According to the great magazine (which actually celebrates that type of behaviour in almost every issue), The Pennsylvania State University is the second douchiest school in the land.


Penn State came second behind Cornell, while Yale, Stanford, and Pepperdine (We’re still spitting bullets after driving there the last time we were in LA, and realizing that they had oceanside views and year-round sun to compete with) rounded out the Top 5.


The last time the VFA visited Penn State, we saw a Wisconsin fan getting told that the 'W' on his shirt stood for the night activities of his mother, and a woman getting doused in beer. Seriously. We don't know Cornell kids to say something nasty about...but if you do, then please let us know.


But anyway, back to Penn State. According to GQ, Penn State’s on the list because of the fact that the students can’t wear anything more imaginative than Joe Paterno outfits during Hallow’een (factually incorrect), and can’t stop talking about getting wasted on a Saturday (factually correct).

They also live and die college football (factually correct), which is why State College is home of the "All I've got is college football; seriously, don't laugh, all I've got is college football" douche.

STATE COLLEGE, PA - NOVEMBER 7: Penn State Nittany Lion fans cheer during a game against the Ohio State Buckeyes on November 7, 2009 at Beaver Stadium in State College, Pennsylvania. Ohio State won 24-7. (Photo by Hunter Martin/Getty Images)
Hunter Martin/Getty Images

It’s funny that Penn State should be this high, because we’ve been to State College a number of times and we’ve never seen people relentlessly talk about college football. If they do, it’s because yours truly has engaged them in conversation. Apologies for getting you on the list, guys.


Anyway, the Top 10 – with reasons are (the VFA added a little):



1)    Cornell - Chip On Their Shoulder Because They Aren’t Harvard, Yale, Princeton or MIT

2)    Penn State - Too. Much. Joe. Paterno.

3)    Yale - Home Of The ‘Skull And Bones’ Fraternity. And CIA. And super-douchey ex-presidents

4)    Stanford - Home of 150,000 Facebook geeks (The VFA would also like to add: Also home of Andrew ‘Incredible Arm’ Luck)

5)    Pepperdine - Too. Much. Jesus.

6)    BYU - Too. Much. Joseph (Smith).

7)    Bennington – Stupid Liberal Hippies

8)    Delaware - Member of the Large College with Mediocre Sports Program Conference

9)    MIT - “The Deepest Possible Relief For Being Out of High School”

10) Florida - Home of the Cult That Is Tim Tebow

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