Have many times have you watched pro wrestling?
Some of you might say thousands of times. Others millions.
And in those times, surely there was a moment where you might have said "Oh my God, what am I watching? I think I'm going to die of boredom".
On some weeks, it seems that for every moment of elation, there is thrice that in boredom. Part of me, however, finds enjoyment in this boredom, perhaps more so now that these moments of boredom are in the past.
Please walk with me as we take a stroll down the WWE's Most Boringest Moments Ever Since the Dawn of Time.
The dynamic between Razor Ramon and the 1-2-3 Kid was always apparent. They worked well in the ring with one another because of their close relationship out of the ring. When the Kid made his WWE debut in 1993, he was instantly thrown into the underdog role against the more experienced Ramon. The two exchanged a series of high impact matches that won fans over worldwide.
Fast forward to 1995. After two years of seemingly blissful existence amongst one another, Ramon began to see a different side to the Kid, a side the Kid was unwillingly to admit to. All things came to a head on an episode of Monday Night Raw in November of 1995, where the Kid was the special referee to Ramon and Money Inc. super brute, Psycho Sid. Ramon, with the tides of momentum on his side, had Sid in position for the Razor's Edge, Ramon's brutal finisher. The Kid, however, assisted Sid, registered a fast three count on Ramon and joined Money Inc., to the delight of Ted DiBiase and no one else.
The second anniversary of Monday Night Raw should have been a celebration. But Vince McMahon had other ideas. In what was a widely panned moment, Harvey Whippleman and Howard Finkel chose to end their year long feud by fighting in the worst match ever, the Tuxedo Match. Worse off, Finkel was accompanied to the ring by the Bushwhackers and Whippleman was shadowed by the tag team known as Well Dunn, a team we will look at later on. The two slightly doughy individuals fought for nearly four minutes and nearly crippled the minds of millions of wrestling fans. Whippleman after the match was not a factor in the managing world of the WWE and Finkel's never lived down such a horrific moment.
As the WWE geared up for 1997, they were firmly in the rear view mirror of WCW. It was at this time the WWE decided to bring out the big guns. Along with the debut of the controversial new program, Shotgun Saturday Night, the WWE announced the signing of several midget wrestlers, who in today's age would be called 'Wrestlers of a Smaller Stature.' It doesn't end there. The midgets would be miniature versions of some of the top WWE stars, such as Goldust, Mankind and The Man They Call Vader.
Audiences were not thrilled.
In fact, the WWE fell further behind WCW, as men like Chris Jericho, Ultimo Dragon and Eddy Guererro brought a new brand of wrestling to the masses and the WWE had midgets.
After several months, WWE executives decided that the midgets did not bring ratings and fired them, one by one, in humiliating fashion.
The Man They Call Vader was supposed to be the Next Big Thing in the WWE upon his debut in 1996.
However, Vader had something else to say about that.
Vader came into the WWE with well earned street cred and promptly beat WWE Commissioner Gorilla Monsoon into a bloody pulp the day after his debut. But in the weeks and months that came, Vader succumbed to the succulent lifestyle fostered by Vince McMahon. Reports of Vader spending lavishly on his rotund figure were not uncommon. By 1998, Vader was considered a bust.
So the WWE did the only right they could do, they buried Vader and made him say horrible things about himself, on live television, in a post match interview.
This is the match where Vader speaks derogatorily of himself, post loss to future World Champion Kane. It should also be of note that this was a Mask vs. Mask match, even though Vader regularly wrestled without his mask and for the fact it wasn't as much a mask in the first place but a face strap.
In early 1996, Goldust was one of the top heels in wrestling, believe it or not. His unique brand of character and ring skill brought him to the Intercontinental Championship.
Following WrestleMania, Goldust began to become a more stable and secure figure, a stark contrast from his flamboyant, cross dressing ways of months past. It was during this time Goldust had a series of IC Title matches against the man from Puerto Rico, Savio Vega.
At that time, Savio Vega was a good, young up-and-comer in the ranks and his title shots were deemed worthy, most notably by Vince McMahon. However, they were not.
Goldust and Vega fought to a no contest in the first of their not-so epic battles and the title belt was held-up, only to reclaimed by the Golden One, one week later. People have trouble remembering such a series of match due to them being so lackluster.
1995 was a banner year for Double J, Jeff Jarrett. He was still in the midst of his first title reign as Intercontinental Champion in the WWE and he was involved one of the matches of the year against Shawn Michaels in July of that year.
His year was not all positives, though.
Enter Sparky Plugg.
Sparky Plugg was the resident WWE stock car driver. His Alabama roots solidified such a story. Sparky, however, was not as over as people might have thought. His tag team with the 1-2-3 Kid had stalled, so to speak, and he was looking for his next break into the upper echelon of talent in the WWE.
Jarrett and Plugg would engage in a series of lackluster title matches that hardly set the world on fire. In their first match, Jarrett placed his foot on the bottom rope during a pinfall attempt by Plugg and the title was vacated only to be won back by Jarrett in a subsequent rematch.
Plugg's spunk was not noticed by WWE brass and he was quickly buried again, only to return off and on throughout the years as a lower mid-carder. His shining moment, never really shone.
USWA mainstays Timothy Well and Steven Dunn were given their big break in 1994 as they made it to the big time: the WWE.
While they broke into the tag team ranks of the WWE in the mid 90s, they broke our eyes with horrible ring tights, complete with pink lips and a move set that would make people cry and howl with anger.
On numerous occasions, when given the chance, WWE brass decided to bypass Well Dunn in favor of tag teams, not necessarily more over, but just other tag teams in general, like the Blu Brothers and Jim Neidhart/Owen Hart.
Awkwardly social and unable to gain traction in the WWE, Well Dunn quietly fell by the wayside and returned to the independents a broken down and beaten men.
One of the hottest and most brutal feuds of 2001 was the feud pitting the Dudley Boyz and the Holly Cousins. During the course of their feud, it became apparent that Spike Dudley, cousin to D-Von and Bubba Ray, was becoming smitten with Molly Holly, cousin to Crash and Hardcore.
What next occurred was one of the most boring relationships this side of Billy and Alison from Melrose Place.
In what was the only positive moment that ever came from this couple, the Dudley Boyz powerbombed Molly through a press table with Spike famously laying on the table to absorb the punishment.
Other than that, this couple stunk.
Molly eventually dumped Spike to pursue the WWE Women's Title but the damage had already been done and we were left with the memories of ennui.
I have provided a video representing their love, through a song I can hardly sit through.
The most boring moment in WWE history involves a man you might be surprised to see in such a list: Macho Man Randy Savage.
Let me take you back to one of the first Monday Nights Raws, the night after the 1993 Royal Rumble. While the WWE was abuzz with the signed match Ric Flair and Curt Hennig, loser leaves the WWE, Savage, coming off his impressive performance in the Rumble, had other concerns.
His multi-colored hat.
His pink, spotted hat.
Repossessed by the Repo Man.
Oh. My. God.
Just the week before, the Repo Man had stolen Savage's hat and taken it into the streets of New York City and Savage sought revenge. In what felt like forever, the two fought in the most UNtense match of 1993, in what might be considered a brawling-like manner.
The match went unranked by the "Star System," as the story goes, due to extreme boredom. One can understand why.
After it was all said and done, Savage was able to defeat the Repo Man and reclaim his hat, but fans could not reclaim the time wasted watching such rubbish. This would be the beginning of a slow year for Savage, as he would not have a featured match until his fondly remembered feud with Kona Crush, late in 1993.
This, however, will stay with us forever.