NHL Skills Competition: Running Diary

8:24: That was probably the greatest tribute to Stompin' Tom's Hockey Song ever. If a non-Canadian watched this, he'd think the entire country is nuts. It actually is, but it's probably best if you just keep thinking we're all drunk beaver hunters.

8:31: High comedy at it's finest: Chris Pronger tries to cut in on an interview, but ends up tripping and falling before getting to the camera. Maybe Edmonton is better off without him?

8:39: Thomas Kaberle goes 8/9 in the accuracy competition (A 4/4 in the preliminary round, 3/4 in the finals, and 1/1 in the tiebreaker) and supplies Leafs fans with the lone bright spot of their season. Soon he'll be traded for a sixth round draft pick!! (It's the Toronto Maple Leafs! We trade All-Stars for spare parts!!! Feel the Magic!!!) East: 6 West: 5

8:43: Hitch is on at 9:00....for some reason I care? 

8:45: Thomas Kaberle: "Maybe I should shoot more, but that's not what I do, I'm a passer." How did he know that's what I wanted to hear? 

8:46: And now it's time for the Al MacInnis Hardest Shot competition. Actually, I think it should be called the Al MacFrate competition; they both deserve recognition. For a majority of the competition, Vinny Lecavailler held the mark with a 101.9 mph shot...and then Zdeno Chara blasted a 103.1 mph shot on the final shot of the contest. An idea for next year: Same competition, but keep the goalies IN the net. Then we can create a reality show from the ensuing lawsuits!!

9:02: Time for the NHL's Slam-Dunk contest! Complete with Dominique Wilkins!!! (Did you ever notice that his number hangs beside Ted Turners banner? These are things that I believe you need to know)

9:05: Pavel Datsyuk=Boring

9:06: Martin St. Louis tries to skate backwards. Other than that=boring.

9:07: Ryan Getzlaf probably has the best bald spot in the NHL. I can't help looking at it. He combines the Pavel Bure-kick and the Lemieux-Through the Legs but fails to score.

9:08: Ilya Kovalchuk= An inaccurate score. Scott Mellanby is the biggest homer if I ever saw one. Also on the board are Bill Clement (former Atlanta Flame) and Taylor Kitsch. You know, the guy from Friday Night Lights? Yea, him. Go figure. 

9:12: Marian Gaborik= Kinda Boring.

9:15: Ovechkin scores on an average move, but on his second attempt, he bats the puck Crosby-style three times, and then tries to bat it out of mid-air into the net. He missed, but I can't help but think how much better that move would have been if he missed the puck, but clocked Osgood in the side of the head.

9:17: Getlaf tries to lacrosse it, but fails. Ovechkin on the other hand, well he does the same move, but hits it higher this time, he spins, waits for the puck to come down and then....misses the puck in mid-air. Still good enough for an 8-9-9-9 score card.

9:19: Two average moves finish off the show. Ovechkin wins, as he should, because...well...his skills make me feel like I'm sub-par at walking. I don't even understand how that's possible. Oh well, at least I can grow a better beard than him. 

You're currently logged into Facebook

Do you want to share your Bleacher Report activity on Facebook?