WWE RAW 7/11/11 Review

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WWE RAW 7/11/11 Review

RAW Live from the Boston Garden.

I am super pumped for PUNK tonight.  Hopefully, we get a three way promo with him, Cena, and McMahon.

Luckily, he’ll start us off.  He makes his way down the ramp with a megaphone in his hands.  He starts off with a recap, stating that his contract is up at Money in the Bank. He will defeat John Cena at Money in the Bank and leave with the WWE Title, rendering all future champions useless.  He says once more that when Vince McMahon dies, he will leave the company to his idiot daughter and son-in-law.  Punk says he didn’t get in trouble for saying any of those things but because he has the balls to say those things.  He got a loud round of applause from the crowd on that. 

Punk says he is reinstated, his match is back on and that his megaphone is backup in case they cut his mic again.  A “CM PUNK!” chant starts up.  He then says McMahon very desperately wants to sign him to a long-term contract.

Punk continues by saying that he all he has wanted was the microphone in his hand because that microphone gives him power.  He says he single-handedly made WWE socially relevant because before, the only times WWE got mentioned was when Punk spoke his mind or when somebody died. 

You can tell the crowd is starting to get tense.  They’re back in that area where they’re unsure as to what’s going on and are becoming uncomfortable with what Punk is saying.  All that does is prove Punk’s point that the microphone in his hand is power.  Punk says now he has all sorts of people, including ESPN and Jimmy Kimmel, contacting him to try and get his story.

Punk invites McMahon down to the ring to have his contract negotiation in the ring.  Cena comes in.  Punk had the mic for over 10 minutes, and it felt like five.  That’s how good he is at captivating people.  If that were someone like Triple H, Sheamus, Wade Barrett or Christian (who are all good mic workers), it would have felt like an eternity.

Punk thanks Cena for getting him reinstated to a job he didn’t even want.  He tells Cena he will beat him at Money in the Bank but that Cena won’t get fired because Cena was fired a few months ago and it lasted only a week. 

Cena says Punk likes to run his mouth and that he’s been saying for three weeks that he is going to leave Chicago with the WWE Title but that Punk forgets that he has to go through Cena to get it.  Cena says he prances around for the company and makes all those appearances because he loves it.  “I am the best because I have this (WWE TITLE) and I’ve earned it.” 

He says that there are a ton of wrestlers, including Triple H, Edge, Batista, Eddie Guerrero and Shawn Michaels who thought that Cena couldn’t hang with them but they were all left disappointed after Cena beat them. 

“You think you’re great, here’s what I think.  I don’t care if you have a microphone or a megaphone.  I don’t care if you stay or if you go.  I don’t care if Vince McMahon fires me or if he’s full of it.  I think I’m coming to Chicago at Money in the Bank to whip your ass.” 

I said it last week; this just cannot be a three-week long feud.  It’s just too good. 

Of course, the anonymous RAW GM that I keep trying to forget exists has to chime in.  The RAW GM wants to see Cena in action in what could be his last RAW appearance.  He will take on the tag team champions who, in case you forgot, are David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty.

There have been a lot of predictions about what will happen with Punk and Cena at Money in the Bank; the most popular being that Punk will win and the Money in the Bank winner will cash in at Money in the Bank to save Cena’s job.  Here’s my prediction that may actually be irrelevant because I am too lazy to research where RAW is going to be the Monday after Money in the Bank.

Doesn’t WWE usually have RAW the next night in the same building as the pay-per-view the night before?  Or at least in the same town, different stadium?  If that’s the case, what if Punk wins, comes on RAW the next night to brag, getS jumped by Cena then has the Money in the Bank contract cashed in on him?  It would add much more suspense than just “Punk wins then loses two minutes later”. 

If RAW is not in Chi-Town next Monday, then disregard everything I have just written, and my prediction is that Cena will just beat Punk because he is better.

Cena starts us off with some solid matt-wrestling on Otunga.  Suck it, haters.  Cena sends Otunga outside with a drop kick to send us to commercial.

We come back with Cena in a headlock.  Otunga and McGillicutty have the upper hand until Cena goes vintage on McGillicutty.  He gets McGillicutty up for the Attitude Adjustment, but Otunga saves him and they hit an atomic drop/dropkick combo.  They keep the upper hand until Cena fights off McGillicutty from the top rope and sends Otunga to the outside then hits his sweet leg drop move from the top rope.  He slaps on the STF, but Otunga breaks it up.

Well, it was a good match until the end.  Otunga and McGillicutty (the Tag Team Champs) completely mess up a double team that allowed Cena to hit the Attitude Adjustment on McGillicutty then send Otunga outside to pick up the win.  If Punk wins, I'm really curious as to see what he does to beat someone who just single-handedly defeated the Tag Team Champions.

We get a Mark Henry/Big Show promo.  How awesome was that spot when Henry sent Big Show through the cage?  Nevertheless, that is going to be the slowest match ever.  I don’t think either man will leave their feet.  They should make it a No DQ match to spice it up a bit.

Backstage segment with Ziggler, who says that he is going to tell McMahon that he can fire Punk and Cena because as long as Ziggler is the US Champ, they can make that the premier title in the WWE.  Vickie does a spot-on impression of McMahon.  Drew McIntyre then jumps in to show his McMahon impression to the world.  They throw around some childish jokes about Vince McMahon then, surprise surprise, McMahon shows up.  McMahon puts McIntyre and Ziggler in a handicapped match against the Big Show.  They look thrilled. 

Kelly Kelly is up next against Melina.  Kelly Kelly wins.  The Bella Twins hit the ring to make fun of Kelly Kelly for not eating enough.  Who are they to talk?  They put the beat down on Kelly Kelly, then Eve, who tried to save the blonde bombshell. 

MIZ is in the ring for a promo with a bunch of ladders.  He climbs up one to sit right next to the Money in the Bank briefcase.  He says he knows what it’s like to win the Money in the Bank match and be the WWE Champion.  He says he is still the future of the WWE.  Jack Swagger interrupts to remind everyone that he also won the Money in the Bank match.

MIZ: “Let me ask you a philosophical question.  If someone wins the Money in the Bank, then cashes it in and nobody remembers it, did it really happen?”  Burn.

Here comes Evan Bourne.  He’s got a mic in his hands!  He says he is tired of them talking about what they’ve done and that he is going to talk about what he is going to do: “climb that ladder, go air born, and win Money in the Bank”.  Not with mic skills like that you’re not.

SOS!  In comes Kofi.  Are we going to get all eight competitors in here?  Ten bucks says one of them tries to climb the ladder to get the briefcase. 

The Truth will set you free.  5/8.  Truth says he is afraid of heights then for some reason tells us he is also afraid of spiders.  “If I open up the briefcase and there is a spider, the grits gonna hit the pan.  The grits gonna get got!”  What the hell is he talking about?

Del Rio’s in next.  Did you guys know it is his destiny to win the WWE Championship?  Apparently Riley’s in the ring too.  I must have missed his entrance.  Aaaaaaaaand...cue the RAW GM.

MIZ, Swagger and Truth will take on Kofi, Riley and Bourne in a six man tag match.  My prediction: Kofi hits a trouble in paradise then Bourne hits Air Bourne for a team face win.

I was completely wrong.  Riley hit his lifting DDT for the win.  Touché, WWE.

MIZ sneaks in to hit the Skull Crushing Finale, Kofi sends MIZ outside, Truth cleans out Kofi, Bourne takes out Truth, then, right as he’s about to hit Air Bourne, Del Rio takes him out and cleans house with a steel ladder.  Where’s Mysterio? 

Handicapped match up next.  Ziggler starts off in the ring, takes one look at Big Show, then tags Drew McIntyre in and gets the hell out of the ring.  That was great. 

Big Show dominating early on, looking very impressive.  Ziggler is literally hiding behind the ring.  Big Show tosses McIntyre around outside the ring like a rag doll.  He throws him around up the ramp then into the WWE statue.  Double count-out.  That was sort of a waste of time.

HOLY CRAP!  I retract my previous statement.  Big Show had McIntyre up and was about to chokeslam him off the stage and out of nowhere Mark Henry came and ran right through Big Show.  All three took a spill off the stage.  That was awesome.

I love these Money in the Bank ladder match promos videos they’ve been doing.  I’m torn between my pick of MIZ or Del Rio. 

Up next: the live negotiation of CM Punk’s contract.  McMahon kept coming out then going backstage then coming out until he got the positive crowd reaction he was looking for. 

CM Punk comes out and mocks Vince’s strut.  I love when they lay down the red apron on the ring to make it look better, like they’re not still in the middle of a ring where people were beating the crap out of each other with ladders ten minutes ago.

McMahon says everything is in Punk’s contract that he wanted, including the stipulating that he “wants his own collectors cup”.  Vince just called Punk “Phil”.  That was awkward.

Punk says Vince’s contract wasn’t up to par, so he had his lawyers draw up a new one.  His new contract includes: Punk gets his own jet.  His face is on the titontron, the turnbuckles, cups, posters, spoons and socks.  He wants Vince to bring back the WWE ice cream bars (which gets a HUGE round of applause and strikes up a “CM PUNK!” chant).  He wants WWE to start production on “CM Punk: The Movie,” which he says will be called The Chaperone 2 but will actually be successful, funny and entertaining.  He also wants to be in the main event at Wrestlemania. 

The final stipulation is for Vince to apologize to Punk.  He also wants McMahon to apologize to the people for being a huge hypocrite, which also gets a loud round of applause.  What?  Why did those people go to the event if that’s what they think?

Punk then goes on a tirade saying that McMahon needs to apologize to him for all the superstars that he undeservingly fired.  He says he is the voice of the voiceless.

When McMahon refuses to sign the contract Punk flips the table over.

Vince McMahon: “I DON’T GIVE A DAMN WHAT YOU PEOPLE WANT!” The IWC’s mind just got completely blown.  How many articles are we going to get that take this way too seriously?

Vince finally apologizes then picks up the contract to sign it, but before he can put pen to paper, John Cena’s music hits and the champ is here!  Cena says that Punk is walking out on everyone that cheered him tonight.  He says they are both acting like children and that he hates Vince McMahon just as much as Punk does.  He says, despite that, he shows up for work everyday for the people who pay money to see him.

Cena calls Punk the biggest hypocrite of them all.  “You will ask these folks if they want to see an apology, you will ask these folks to be the voice of the voiceless and then you will leave."

Punk says that Cena named a lot of people that said “the kid can’t hang," and now Cena is looking at Punk saying that he can’t hang.  He says that Cena is everything that Cena hates.  He is not the underdog; he is the dynasty. 

“You are not the Red Sox, you are the New York Yankees.”  That got Cena going.  Punk ditched before Cena could give him a whooping then retreated up the ramp.  Cena’s music hit as Punk left, but Punk grabbed a mic and cut the music.

He says he is tired of Cena.  He tells everyone to say goodbye to the WWE Title, John Cena and CM Punk.  He then ripped up his own contract, said he will go be the best in the world somewhere else, then gave Cena the “You can’t see me” taunt.

This RAW was OK.  The Cena/Punk/McMahon ordeal took up a good portion of the show and was intriguing, although it didn’t further the storyline as much as I expected.  It really only made Punk look like a jerk.  I’m surprised McMahon was about to cave and sign the contract. 

The other thing that surprised me was the overwhelming “CM PUNK” chants in Cena’s home town.  The matches were decent at best and were really only there because, in the end, this is a wrestling show.  I’m taking MIZ as the money in the bank winner.  Take it to the bank (See, what I did there?  Sorry, I couldn’t resist).

Look out for my new article concept tomorrow “WWE is real” in which I have people (characters I made up) answer questions about WWE as if it were not scripted.  Here is a sample from tomorrow’s article.  Until then, you have been a lovely, lovely audience.

 

If the Punk leaves with WWE Title, what will happen?

John:  Man, that’s a good question.  I don’t think any other organization would honor the Money in the Bank contract, so whoever wins wouldn’t follow Punk to cash in somewhere then bring it back.  Cena would be fired so he could follow Punk around to try and get it back, but who knows how successful he’d be.  I think they’d have to create another belt which would hurt the company big time.  WWE is the best of the best, and if someone is parading around with your World Title, you are going to look very, very silly.

Dave:  It would be devastating because not only would you lose the WWE title, you would lose the best wrestler in the world on top of that when Vince fires John Cena.  I’m not sure how well the WWE could recover from such a blow.  Like you said, the WWE is the best of the best, and if the WWE Title, which symbolizes the best of the best, and John Cena, who is the best of the best wrestlers in the world, is no longer with your company, people are going to start looking at the WWE as a lesser company.

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