MLB 2011 Home Run Derby: Not so Rapid Reaction from a Random Fan

These thoughts went through my mind as I watched the Home Run Derby presented by State Farm or Century 21 or somebody last night. Follow the dashes!

—Cano can-ohhhhhh yeahhhhh! The late, great Macho Man was a big fan of the Home Run Derby. Little known fact. Seriously, though, Cano was consistent. 8 long balls in the first round, 12 in the second, and then 12 to win it. Will he carry the momentum into the second half? The A-Rod-less Yankees might need him.

—Robinson Cano (NYY) defeated Adrian Gonzalez (BOS) in the finals. Another notch in the rivalry belt for New York. Big Captain Big Papi picked him for the AL, Red Sox Nation. Do what you will with that revelation.

—Matt Kemp only homered twice. That non-momentum better not carry over into the second half of the season. My fantasy team needs him. And that's the most important thing to take away from all of this.

—How in the heck does the worldwide leader calculate those home run distances so quickly? 442! 597! The numbers pop up on the screen as the ball lands. Are they guessing? Estimating? Guesstimating? Estissing? According to the all-knowing number star, one ball hit into the first deck traveled farther than a second decker. It doesn't make any sense. And furthermore, by the way, vis-à-vis, what does projected distance mean? When Prince Fielder hit a home run 450 feet, why was it projected to be hit 483 feet (or whatever the actual real numbers were?) Sports science guys, America wants answers!

—Speaking of Fielder, his home run strike zone is huge. Pitch at his ankles? Gone. Shoulder level? Crushed. It's unreal. And each swing is so violent. Vlad Guerrero used to swing the same way. He still does. He just grounds out now.

—Cano and Rickie Weeks representin'? Two second basemen in the derby? Until recently, 2B was not the place to be if you wanted power on your team. Chase Utley, Ian Kinsler, Dan Uggla and now Cano and Weeks have changed that position's image. Chris Berman pretty much said the same thing after the contest. But he said it in his usual dismissive, blowhard way and former middle infielder Nomah Garciaparra almost pulled a Nolan Ryan and made Berman his Robin Ventura.

—Finally, there were a few noteworthy performances from the fans. One of the kids shagging flies in the outfield caught everything hit his way, highlighted by a sprawling dive in center field. Frank McCourt, give that kid a contract! There was also the guy that caught the home run, fell into the pool, didn't spill his beer, and was swarmed by bikini-clad femininas. Lucky!

So there you have it. The highlights of the HR Derby. Or some of the highlights. Or what I thought were highlights. I hope you enjoy the All-Star Game tonight starring Derek Jeter! I mean, Justin Verlander! Ryan Braun? Alex Avila! All-Star fever, catch it!