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My Mountaineer Presidential Endorsements

RG Yoho

Correspondent Written on November 01, 2008

With the presidential election taking place this Tuesday, I thought it was time that I made my endorsements for president and the members of the executive branch. No doubt some of you will question my politics, but these are just some of the guys I want running my administration.

If you like these picks, then you should see the guys I plan to put in the House and the Senate. Gridlock will be a thing of the past. But a lock on the gridiron will be something you can count on every week.

President- Don Nehlen (Don had the one thing a candidate for president must have. The man knew how to run.)
Vice President- Bill Stewart (One heartbeat away from the head job, Stew knows what it is like to step in at a moment’s notice.)
White House Chief of Staff- Ryan Mundy (He knew how to walk into a new position and immediately get a team working together.)
Secretary of the Treasury- Pat White (No matter what the economy, the guy is just money in the bank!)
Secretary of Defense- Owen Schmitt (This man hits himself with football helmets—and he likes it! Do you really think anybody is stupid enough to take him on?)
Secretary of State- Again…Owen Schmitt (If you listened to his speech after the Fiesta Bowl, nobody loves the state anymore than he does.)
Secretary of Housing- Steve Slaton (The guy just knows how to take it to the house.)
Attorney General- Darryl Talley (Nobody was ever any better laying down the law!)
Secretary of the Interior- Reed Williams (Even when he’s wounded, he has no tolerance for trespassers.)
Secretary of Health and Human Services- Pat McAfee (When your kick-off coverage looks ill, he always comes to your aid.)
Secretary of Commerce- Grant Wiley (Nobody know more about hard work than this guy.)
Secretary of Homeland Security- Mortty Ivy (He definitely knows how to stop any of your hostile advances.)
Secretary of Energy- Dorrell Jalloh (Nobody is better at knowing just when to light up things on a scoreboard.)
Secretary of Agriculture- Scooter Berry (He knows something about bringing the beef. His assistant would be Johnny Dingle. The two just seem to go better when working in tandem.)
Secretary of Transportation- Quincy Wilson (He knew how to carry the freight and was good at clearing obstacles from the highway.)
Secretary of Education- Noel Devine (Just when your defense thinks it knows everything, he takes you to school.)
Director of Management and Budget- Major Harris (He could quickly get you out of a deficit and rack up some big numbers.)
Head of the EPA- Brandon Hogan (When footballs are flying toward the secondary, he knows how to clear the air.)

Listen, Mountaineer fans! You might not agree with my presidential endorsements, but I wouldn’t recommend you voting against them. Some of them may not like it.

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written on November 01, 2008 Humor