College Football 2011: 17 Teams That We'd Give New Nicknames

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Nicknames are meant to both represent the school and to inspire fear and terror into the hearts of their rivals.

Cougars, Crimson Tide, Yellow Jackets, Fighting Irish, Trojans and Golden Bears are good examples.

But some nicknames could use some updating, are just silly and some are just downright illogical. 

What teams need new nicknames? Read on.

UNLV Rebels

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In 2003, the Ole Miss administration decided to bar their mascot, Colonel Reb, from the sideline and has just replaced him with a bear.

Let's just say that there has been plenty of controversy over that move.

But here's an interesting thing: UNLV still has a confederate as their mascot. Hey, Reb has been has been on the sidelines since 1983 with relatively little protest.

Mississippi was an actual member of the Confederacy, while Nevada never was.

How does all this make sense?

Michigan Wolverines

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Contrary to popular belief, there are no wild wolverines in the state of Michigan.

Of course, I'm talking about the ferocious small animal, not the crazy students who attend the University of Michigan.

Is it really too much to ask of Michigan to have a mascot that actually lives in the state?

Maybe that's why Michigan doesn't have anyone dress up as a wolverine.

Navy Midshipmen

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Army's nickname is the Black Knights. That sounds intimidating.

Air Force's nickname is the Falcons. Both the bird and the airplane are things to be feared.

Navy's nickname is...the Midshipmen?

That nickname doesn't exactly inspire fear, does it?

Auburn, LSU, Missouri, Clemson, and Memphis Tigers

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There's just way too many teams that have the nickname Tigers in college football. At least one of the five teams listed above needs to change.

So, I propose that we get Aubie (Auburn), The Tiger (Clemson), Tom the Tiger (Memphis), Truman the Tiger (Missouri) and Mike the Tiger (LSU), put them in a cage and let them duke it out for the right to keep the nickname.

Sounds like great TV to me.

Virginia Tech Hokies

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The word "Hokie" was made up a man named O.M. Stull as part of a contest for creating Virginia Tech's spirit yell all the way back in 1896. Back then, "Hoki" was spelled without the final e.

Somehow, it stuck and Virginia Tech has been known as the Hokies to this very day.

Now, I'm not against using a made-up word as your nickname, but can't Virginia Tech do better than Hokie?

Stanford Cardinal

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Back in the day, Stanford's nickname used to be the Indians.

However, that is no longer the case due to complaints by Native Americans. So, Stanford used the color Cardinal as their nickname instead.

Lame.

So, why not have a nickname that has to do with the Stanford Tree? It's cooler than just a color, anyway.

Syracuse Orange

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Normally, nicknames are meant to inspire fear and respect for one's team.

Orange just doesn't really do either.

What's the Orange going to do to me? Help me prevent scurvy?

Texas A&M, New Mexico State and Utah State Aggies

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All three of these teams are or once were agricultural universities. Hence, they all have the nickname "Aggies."

Again, it just doesn't strike fear into the heart.

Of course if you're Utah State or New Mexico State, your football teams don't exactly strike fear into most teams' hearts anyway.

But you'd think that a team like Texas A&M would come up with something better than "Aggies." 

Toledo Rockets

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Toledo got the nickname "Rockets" because William Hook recovered a fumble off of a Carnegie Tech player and returned it 99 yards for a TD.

Sportswriters said that Hook looked like a rocket, and the name stuck.

But does the word Rocket really describe Toledo, either the city or the team?

Wake Forest Demon Deacons

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Isn't the term "Demon Deacon" just an oxymoron?

Akron Zips

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Akron got its nickname from a contest back in 1925. The full nickname used to be Zippers, which was a reference to rubber overshoes made by B.F. Goodrich.

I'm not kidding.

It was shortened to Zips in 1950, but maybe now would be a good time to get a nickname that didn't have to do with rubber shoes.

Indiana Hoosiers

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Even in Indiana, no one really knows what a Hoosier is or where that nickname came from.

However, the term Hoosier is a nickname for a redneck in St. Louis.

Is that really the image the University of Indiana wants to project?

Ole Miss Rebels

If you can't have a real Rebel as your mascot and have to settle for a Black Bear instead, then what's the point?

Now if the Ole Miss administration had allowed Admiral Ackbar to be their mascot, then Rebels would still be appropriate...

Purdue Boilermakers

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Back in the day, boilers were part of just about every bit of technology. So, to be known as a boilermaker was a great honor.

These days? Not so much.

Maybe its time that Purdue took their nickname into the 21st century. 

Minnesota Golden Gophers

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A Golden Gopher sounds more like a cartoon character than a serious nickname to me.

Hey, if there actually was a Golden Gopher cartoon, the nickname might be cooler.

Tennessee Volunteers

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The nickname "Volunteers" just isn't accurate. 

When was the last time anyone from Tennessee volunteered to do anything for you?

My point exactly.

Maryland Terrapins

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Football is all about speed, agility and power.

Terrapins don't bring any of those attributes to mind, particularly speed and agility.