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AUSTRALIA: The first race of the season begins with Massa winning from pole position, with Hamilton coming a close second. Unfortunately, Hamilton was deemed to have followed Massa too closely, distracting him slightly...

Formula 1 2009: Bernie's Bright Ideas

by Adam Flinn [HUMOR]

9

987 reads

Humor

November 01, 2008


AUSTRALIA: The first race of the season begins with Massa winning from pole position, with Hamilton coming a close second. Unfortunately, Hamilton was deemed to have followed Massa too closely, distracting him slightly. The FIA see this as a safety hazard and consequently gives a 25-second penalty three hours after the race.

MALAYSIA: The Malaysians agree to a night race to entertain the 500 strong crowd, and Alonso wins after forcing Hamilton off the track on the penultimate lap. McLaren appeal, but the FIA declare it as a "racing incident".

BAHRAIN: A much bigger crowd of 950 attend the Bahrain GP, and once again Massa wins from pole. After finishing 11th for the third consectutive race, Kovalainen is sacked and replaced by the shocking signator Fernando Alonso.

SPAIN: Bernie Ecclestone announces that there will in fact be a French Grand Prix this year. Hamilton takes the win, and leaves the track immediately to avoid any upset from the Spanish fans. Toyota release a statement saying that 2009 will be a consolidation year before trying for the championship in 2010.

MONACO: Jenson Button (remember him?) wins the race after torrential rain results in him being the only finisher. He claims that the cars appalling speed helped him to stay on the track. Alonso punches Ron Dennis in the face and claims he is not getting equal equipment to Hamilton from McLaren.

TURKEY: Massa wins as usual at Turkey, and an engine failure ruins Alonsos chances of taking second place, which goes to Hamilton. Bernie announces that the French GP has been cancelled after a disagreement with the organisers. Alonso punches Martin Whitmarsh in the face.

BRITAIN: Alonso wins the race, which pleases the British fans. Bernie announces that the French GP is back on. Hakkinen feels sorry for drive-less Kovalainen and creates his own team "Super Mika" for the Finn. After struggling to find a suitable team-mate for Heikki, Hakkinen announces that he will drive the second car.

FRANCE: As the teams arrive in France, Bernie announces that the French GP has been cancelled. The drivers hold a raffle to decide who gets the points from France, and Timo Glock is declared the winner ahead of Adrian Sutil and Mika Hakkinen. Alonso punches Ron Dennis in the face after claiming that the raffle was fixed in favour of Hamilton.

GERMANY: Bernie announces that he has plans for a grand prix on the moon, and discussions have begun to decide whether it should be a night race. Raikkonen wins his first race in over a year, and is characteristically delighted.

HUNGARY: Massa wins, and takes the lead in the world championship. Alonso "accidentally" stalls in the pits, holding up Hamilton and costing him an almost certain victory. Bernie announces that a French GP will be held at the end of the season.

EUROPE:

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9 comments Last one added 8 months ago — Leave a Comment

  1. Chris Rowlands 8 months ago

    This is the single funniest thing I have ever read!
    Let's just hope it never happens...

    This has actually remimded me of a FourFourTwo article a couple of years ago, listing what would happen over the coming season. It was the year Gerrard nearly left, and in the article he splits in two: one is his ego, which eventually kills the original on the Eiffel Tower. They both play for about 5 clubs, and change their mind a good 10 times!

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  2. Michael Griffin 8 months ago

    Mate, this is absolutely brilliant, Ron Dennis must have a sore nose haha!!!

    If this does not get POTD, I am the Pope.

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  3. Saraswathi Siriginia 8 months ago

    Lovely read Adam F, love the Moon GP

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  4. Isuru Wakishta Arachchi 8 months ago

    great stuff but a lil hamilton biased, don't you think?

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  5. Isuru Wakishta Arachchi 8 months ago

    yah on the moon where glock does not exists :lol

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  6. einnahs 8 months ago

    Moon GP rocks my socks off.

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  7. Adam Poole 8 months ago

    Very good Adam mate! Moon GP - well to be honest, with the lunatics leading F1 nowadays, that may not be as stupid as it sounds :)

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    • About the Author Adam Flinn (scribe)

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