Editor’s note: Remember to submit your best fantasy football team name into our July contest. Winners get Mardi Gras prize-packs!
Michael Bay and I don’t get along. It’s not that he doesn’t know how to blow things up. He does. He also knows how to make a way too-loud action sequence that is guaranteed to stop the loudness several times during a battle/fight/explosion/animal sacrifice. He is good it that too.
It’s just his movies are terrible. I’m not sure I can live in a world where he dominates the box office. Give ME $400 million dollars and I will make the best movie ever made too. I’m not impressed. I decided after Transformers 2 he was out of my life forever and since that decision, every day has been better than the last.
Which brings us to another impending disaster…………
What if the unthinkable happens and NFL football is postponed, or even worse canceled? Sure regular people in their SUVs and 2.5 kids and white picket fence houses would be inconvenienced. But what about us? The degenerate betting public that keeps sports newspapers in business? We would be hit the hardest my friends.
In this spirit, I have located some bets to keep our betting muscles shapely toned this offseason or worse……..the rest of this year. As always, I take this responsibility very, very seriously.
WHO WILL HAVE THE MOST TWITTER FOLLOWERS BY THE END OF THE YEAR – LADY GAGA OR JUSTIN BIEBER?
Lady Gaga is the favorite at -227 and Biebs is a plucky underdog at +162. Not sure what I’m missing here but I’ll take any underdog with a ton of tweens that probably have multiple cellphone’s at their disposal.
ASHTON KUTCHER WILL BE REPLACED AFTER ONE SEASON OF TWO AND A HALF MEN +350
Yes, is the correct answer. Look, there is a reason this guy was available to do this TV show. He can’t even sell cameras correctly. He has mooched off the success of others his whole career and there is no way he is carrying this show to ratings glory. Might as well profit off his demise. I’m betting against him and not the show being cancelled +200 because CBS is more likely to retool than admit the show is lost without Sheen.
CELEBRITY BREAKUP: MEGAN FOX AND BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN +250
I feel confident laying the wood here on their romance going south. I’ve seen this guy’s act before, he can’t even keep Tori Spelling much less Angelina Jolie 2.0. He is a valet somewhere in Hollywood probably and she is going to need something to stay in the spotlight since her movie career is yahtzee. Easy money.
2012 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION
Democrats -250 Republicans +162
For those of you that actually vote, you may be interested in making election night matter more next year. Right now there isn’t any reason not to load up on the Donkeys. Betting on politics is a great way to get involved kids.
2012 SUMMER OLYMPICS – UNITED STATES TOTAL MEDALS WON OVER/UNDER 39.5
We just had July 4th, obviously I’m taking the OVER. What are you a communist? I highly recommend Olympic betting as well so that you actually care about the 90% of the sports no one even knows exists.
THE AMERICAN X FACTOR – WINNER WILL BE A GIRL UNDER 25 +250
This will be the American Idol of the Fall basically and if there is no football, our wives will probably follow this. The wagering categories are boys under 25 (being the favorite), girls under 25, individuals over 25 and groups. I’ll take the chance they want to be another American Idol with a younger winner and from that conclusion, always go with the better odds.
God willing we will have football to wager on soon and none of this is necessary. Even better if Michael Bay would just quit. Too bad there are no odds on that.