Super Bowl Update: All Hail the Free Press!
In this time leading up to the Super Bowl the First Amendment is hard at work. We must thank our forefathers, having possessed the insight to provide for such vital measures as the free press.
We need the free press to go rooting through Eli’s trash. It is imperative that we know if he uses Tinactin or Micatin, drinks Coke or Pepsi, and if he REALLY eats just the filling out of Oreos.
We also need to know what Matt Light was doing driving someone else’s car at 2:00 PM on a Thursday, and why Randy Moss was seen in a grocery store. If Tom Brady eats Buffalo wings, we need to be informed. The hot bathroom call the next day could affect his performance. Las Vegas odds depend on this stuff.
Photos of Bill Belichick’s home, out of focus, taken from a tree three blocks away, revealed that he DID NOT clean up his dog’s doo after taking the little guy for a walk. What kind of coach is this guy? Will he be this sloppy getting his team ready for the big game? Thank goodness the press is on the story.
And thank The Maker the media spotted Michael Strahan leaving a dentist’s office, then reporting that his gap was un-repaired. Gapgate could have ruined the Giants’ chance at victory for sure. They certainly don’t need that distraction.
Wait a minute. This just in—the point-spread is changing again due to a report accompanied by a photo (again, blurry—almost unrecognizable) of Tom Coughlin smiling in New York.
Rest assured, there are at least one hundred reporters digging away at the story.
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