Chris Bosh and the 8 Softest Players in the NBA

The title of this slideshow says it all. Who are the softest guys in the league?

Many factors can come into play here: a glaring lack of physicality, a problem with mental toughness, things said or done off-court, or just any general behavior unbefitting a person who owns male genitalia.

This list only includes active players; Danny Ferry, you can stop worrying. Shawn Bradley as well, although he would get partial credit for at least trying to get in people's way before being dunked on.

Please note: All-Stars are not safe from exposure as softies.

8. LeBron James

Kicking things off, we have the former MVP.

Physically of course, LeBron is the furthest thing from soft this side of a rhino. Compared to the average human being, he's basically a truck that can fly. He defies human anatomical limits, and when he's on, he can impose his physical gifts on whomever he chooses.

The problem? When he's off, he is spectacularly off. In these Finals, LeBron essentially confirmed many people's prior suspicion that he doesn't have the heart or mental gifts to match his all-world physical talent.

Never was this more evident than in the last few fourth quarters of the series, but his full-game numbers still indicate that from Game 3 onward, LeBron James was essentially George Costanza out for a swim.

Out of every player ever to average at least 25 points per game and make the Finals, LeBron suffered the single greatest drop-off in scoring average. Ever.

To have a guy who is so naturally capable of dominating psych himself out so badly, that's a heck of a toughness problem.

Couple that with his "gimme it, it's mine" attitude, and his now world-reknowned lack of thick skin off the court, and you have a guy who gives people way more questions than answers about his intestinal fortitude.

And it's all in his head.

7. Eddy Curry

I know Eddy Curry is barely even on the NBA map, but he is still in active talks with certain NBA teams (or was, until lockout began) so he is not safe from inclusion on this list.

First off, let's get it out of the way. The guy is fat, so that's where the softness begins. If he ever posted you up, you'd end up smelling like cheesesteak for the rest of the week.

But all jokes aside, there's also the simple fact that the guy is seven feet, almost three hundred pounds, and sports career averages of 5.3 rebounds and less than one block per game.

It takes a special kind of softness to be that huge and get so little done. To me it speaks to a fear of mixing it up. Scoring was never an issue, but than again, neither was sharing the ball.

Also, although I hesitate to bring up his heart condition, it does make him a more fragile player, one who gives you constant doubts about what he can physically withstand. It certainly doesn't help his case.

6. Glen Davis

In a world of "next Jordans" and such, give it up for the next Oliver Miller. Another guy notorious for his weight.

Glen Davis is not a bad player, and he fits in well in Boston. Unlike most other guys on this list, he's not averse to banging in the paint, and he has shown the ability to step up in big moments,

So what's the problem?

Anytime a grown man is reduced to tears by a stern talking to, he gets to be called soft. I know what he was thinking after Garnett got in his face: "I'm trying my best, why is he giving me $#!t?"

Still, one would expect him to express this in a manner that wasn't reminiscent of an eight-yeur-old. The once affectionate nickname "Big Baby" instantly became a derogatory following this display, and has been since.

5. Vince Carter

Coming in at No. 5, we have Vincent Lamont Carter, aka "The Human Ankle Injury."

Every time he went down with a tweaked/rolled/turned ankle, you could swear by the drawn-out pause that his foot was in fact snapped off, and the delay was just them getting a good tourniquet tied.

"Nope... just a twisted tootsie... game on. No, Vince, you don't need an ambulance."

Aside from his crystalline physical constitution, Carter also has certain personality traits that could be described as... not hard.

Aside from having a bravado that far exceeds his actual worth as a player, Carter is also considered soft due to the ease with which he can be kept from the basket. Just one hard foul or, more likely, one rolled ankle, and he's a pussycat.

For many years, his reputation as a rim terrorizer was such that he made a living off it. Problem is, he still walks around with this swagger to this day, even though those years are far behind him.

Meanwhile many people conveniently forget that in between the jaw-dropping moves of his youth, Carter was usually seen launching ill-advised mid-rangers when the concept of driving to the basket ceased to appeal to him.

The rest of Carter's time was spent on the floor clutching his ankles.

4. Andrea Bargnani

I guess you could say, being Canadian, that I'm a default Raptors backer. I suppose I'm a well-wisher. As such, I am mildly perturbed at the fact that Andrea Bargnani is the face of the franchise.

I can't think of a worse franchise player with which to strike fear in anybody's heart.

Now he has found his niche in this league. He'll put points on the board, he'll stretch the opposing defense, and he's not a terrible rebounder, but for the love of God, don't ask him to actually use his size.

Considering Bargnani himself is seven feet tall with the ball in his hands a lot, it's a bit of an indictment that he's made himself into a 20-point man without really developing a big man's skillset. To me it says all that size is going to waste.

On top of it all, as with all players who live on the perimeter, he'll fall victim to some major cold streaks, which hurts the team that much more by him being the focal point of the offense. Don't count on him to make up for it in the paint.

Again, he's not terrible, but if I'm a big Raps fan, I don't feel any more comfortable when ball is in his hands. Conversely, he's a guy who doesn't really make the opposition worry all that much.

He won't assert himself offensively, and he can be bullied by big men who are less talented but far more hard-nosed. If I'm the opposing coach, I know that I can keep him under control by roughing him up a bit.

Personally, I don't think it's very becoming of a big man (particularly a No. 1 draft pick) to shy away from physical basketball.

That's why I call him "The Cannoli," which of course is nothing but an Italian creampuff.

Sasha Vujacic

Yeah, I know he's not a Laker anymore, but I can't think of a photo that captures the essence of Sasha Vujacic as perfectly as this one.

Notice the pained, dramatic, almost feminine look on Vujacic's face, which would normally accompany an amputation of some sort, not a simple reach-in foul. This is invariably the outcome every time someone remotely fouls him.

The guy is kind of like an overly sensitive car alarm. Rest assured that if so much as your index finger comes into contact with Sasha Vujacic, he will blare out the kind of noise one would need to dissuade a robber.

Which is to say, a lot.

So when a guy's reputation is built more on his All-NBA whining skills than say, his shooting, he has earned a spot high up on this list.

Now again, everybody fishes for calls with a little acting, but there a line beyond which acting just turns into full-blown menstrual tantrums. Perhaps someone would care to contact Vujacic and see if he took notes while crossing it.

Also noteworthy, he once tried to complain to league offices about Chris Paul after the latter called him a "bitch" during a game.

2. Charlie Villanueva

Once again, the problem begins on the basketball court, and ends off it.

On the floor, Villanueva is himself guilty of some recurring displays of physical unassertiveness, and he also relies too much on the midrange game.

I've seen Charlie V try his hand in the post on a semi-regular basis, with mixed results, but overall he'd rather live 10 feet and beyond from the basket. That's probably how he's able to stay so pretty.

But we all know why he's really on this list... What could be less manly than complaining about having your feelings hurt via Twitter?

Things are said on the court to get inside a player's head, and Garnett's comment, while crass in retrospect, was par for the course.

Villanueva had every right to object to it, but as any man with fully descended testicles will tell you, you either address it directly or you let it go.

What you don't do is vent to the public hours later via the modern equivalent of a diary entry.

1. Chris Bosh

For the sake of expediency I will refer to Chris Bosh in the masculine gender, however I have no evidence to support this

If this slideshow was called "The Top 10 Softest Moves of Last Season," he'd be a serious threat to run the table all by himself. Here's a quick highlight reel:

-discussing openly his (and his team's) penchant for slacking and partying;

-being unusually light in the britches for a player his size, and being just plain uncomfortable in the low block at times (see: bricking 17 of 18 shots rather than taking the ball inside)

-crying (or seeming to) postgame during the regular season. It got to the point where, when it was later leaked that some of the Heat were crying in the locker room, Bosh was universally presumed to be the first among them.

-last seen leaving the court after the NBA Finals, using the least manly mode of locomotion in existence (i.e. crawling).

And then there was "The Flop."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2h60uviwKC0

Now I know what some of you are going to say: everybody flops, sometimes poorly. Right you are, but that's not the soft part.

You see, when the average man flops to draw a foul, it doesn't work and he gets up. This, on the other hand, turned into a performance of operatic proportions... needlessly.

As you look at Bosh writhe on the floor, you just wish he was miked up so we could hear him sob or whatever sounds he was making as he garishly chewed the scenery. 

Then when he sort of gets up only to lay back down and keep moaning, you start thinking to yourself... If he thinks this is believable, that can only mean this is how Chris Bosh takes an elbow in real life.

That, my friends, is why Bosh is the king of Marshmallow Mountain.