Tim Duncan and the 10 Most Boring San Antonio Spurs in Franchise History
How full of, um, wisdom, were the Spurs in 1997? Chocked. The front office allegedly ordered the tanking of a few games in order to draft Tim Duncan.
The Spurs for now have a reputation—perhaps a fleeting illusion—for being a model organization capable of making smart moves. Trading George Hill, while keeping Richard Jefferson, however, was not one of their wisest decisions.
Last season, R.J.'s game sank down the stretch quicker than a pair of customized cowboy boots on the San Antonio Creek—I mean River. Except for ditching his alleged fiancé at the proverbial altar, Jefferson isn't known for getting in trouble outside the lines, though.
He is one of the most boring Spurs ever, but did he make this list? To find out, join me in counting down 10 of the most uninteresting men in the world—past and present San Antonio Spurs.
Wake up and roll graphics.
10. Michael Finley: Class Personified
9. Steve Novak: Who?
Steve Novak knows how I do it, but I have no clue how he does. If you know your cat, Lake, then you know how I get it in.
I keep it funky around here and stay super fly like I'm supposed to do.
I could help Steve out in the personality department, so he could maybe latch on somewhere in the media after his playing career. I'm already taking a nap just thinking about him as an analyst. Yikes!
8. Richard Jefferson: One of the Most Uninteresting Spurs Ever
Yes, R.J., you did make this list and for good reason. You fell asleep in the playoffs, brother. Wipe that goofy look off your face and get to balling, why don't you?
Oh, wait, maybe you're not capable of being the baller you once were. That's all right. Keep it boring, brother. You probably won't be a Spur for too much longer.
7. Gregg Popovich: The Most Boring Coach in NBA Lore
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Oh, huh? Yeh, right. Popovich is a polymath when it comes to boring. In fact, next slide, please.
6. Matt Bonner: The Nickname "Red Rocket" Bores Me
As NBPA representative for the Spurs, Bonner is a bona-fide bore. Yo, get your hands out of your pockets and get some personality, why don't you, Mattie? The Spurs sorely need it.
They've consistently been one of the best, but least watched teams in the NBA. I'm not suggesting the redhead should sell his soul to Lucifer.
Mattie, I beg you, sell your ... I'm kidding. But, you're the red-headed hope to help end the lockout. Say something controversial about David Stern. Please.
5. Bruce Bowen: One of the Most Boring Bow-Tied Analysts Ever
Bruce Bowen (right) tried to spice up his image by sporting bow-ties on national television as an NBA analyst. Caron Butler, right, for one, appeared to be taken aback.
Aside from getting into a heated argument on a local morning show, Bowen is as boring as an English butler. And that, my dear readers, is pretty danged boring.
He made the list for never running afoul of the law and providing quotes largely void of entertainment value during his playing days. He's doing a bit better as an analyst, but I'll never confuse him for the natural sports analysts like Charles Barkley and Shaquille O'Neal.
Wait, maybe that's a good thing.
4. Manu Ginobili: One of the Most Boring Spanglish Speakers in the World
Ginobili could've made my list of the most hard to understand NBA players ever. Stay tuned, I could compose said list at the drop of a dime. Ginobili would be right up there with Dirk Nowitzki, Moses Malone, Charles Barkley and yes, Shaquille O'Neal.
Maybe that's a good thing, but at least Barkley and O'Neal have a bunch of entertainment value—just ask TNT. On the other hand, Ginobili is one of the most boring local grocery store pitch men one could imagine. And I have a killer diller of an imagination.
If entertaining acting skills could kill, then Ginobili would be buried—never to rise again in a local commercial. I have a sneaking suspicion, though, that this will not be the case.
3. Jacque Vaughn: He's More Boring and Much Smarter Than You
In addition to his athletic prowess, Vaughn is one of the most intelligent Spurs ever. Certainly, that's to be commended, but it's boring.
I wasn't too shabby in college—graduating cum laude. But, literally, Lake is definitely not boring. Yet, he values high intelligence. Lake often writes in third person.
As he writes this, Vaughn is probably reading eight or nine books—including mine. After he reads this, then he'll probably ask for my autograph and for me to pen his autobiography. I might.
On a mighty 4.0 grade point average scale, Vaughn's was a five at KU. I jest, but he did win the Dial Award as America's A-1 male prep scholar-athlete.
He's married to his college sweetheart. Double yikes. These are the traits former players turned Spurs head coaches have. Hear is some advice to my brother; interviews are the spice of life. Start spicing.
2. David Robinson: An Officer, a Gentleman and a Woefully Boring Individual
Hey, you, Dave. Do something. Make me laugh, cry, spit up blood for talking down about you and the San Antonio River Creek—anything.
Listen, you have a great academy for children going on, but life as a sportswriter is more than books and B.A.s before the age of 18. I need something controversial from you to really get busy with my writing skills.
Don’t be so selfish, Dave. C’mon. Get in trouble one quick time. Do it for the Laker (me).
1. Tim Duncan: One of the Most Boring Spurs in the World
Duncan is an outstanding player, but, yawn like a mother. Timmy wake up brother, will you please? Do something—anything.
Timmy D. could become the first NBA player ever to fall asleep during an interview. Not that Duncan grants many interviews, but if he did, they'd be the most boring transcripts in printed-paper history.
No offense, Timmy. I'd like to interview you. There is nothing wrong with being boring, especially in these days of athlete arrests. But damn.
Anywho, this has been the best damn Lake Cruise Show. Catch him in third person on the next episode of Reasoning on the River Creek, I mean Walk.
Walk it out ladies. Walk it out.