Dear Super Bowl Ticket Scalpers,
The Super Bowl is right around the corner and my favorite team, the New York Giants, are less than two weeks away from pulling off one of the greatest upsets of all-time.
And I want to be there. No, I have to be there.
But all the tickets I’m seeing listed online are more expensive than Michael Strahan’s divorce. Okay, nothing’s that expensive, but you get the idea.
I know I should’ve been planning for this. I should’ve been tucking away money all season just in case this happened. But let’s be honest: not even Giants fans could’ve imagined Eli Manning leading Big Blue to the Super Bowl.
But shocking things happen every day. I mean, who could’ve predicted Kevin Federline would be a more responsible parent than Britney?
If there’s one thing I know about ticket scalpers it’s that you guys are amongst the most reasonable and kind-hearted people on the planet. Sure, you get a bad rap for buying up tickets and making it impossible for real fans to get their hands on them. But as far as I’m concerned, you provide an important service and deserve to be well compensated.
And I, for one, have no problem paying a five hundred percent mark up to gain entry to a sporting event or concert.
In fact, I’d be more than willing to pay the ten grand necessary to get a decent seat at the big game. I just don’t have that kind of money…ever. And my credit cards are in worse shape than the Miami Dolphins.
But there certainly isn’t any reason we couldn’t barter for the tickets, right? So let’s make a deal.
First, let me begin the negotiations by stating as clearly as I can that sexual favors are unequivocally off the table.
Then again, it is the Super Bowl…
No, they’re definitely off the table. I just watched “Midnight Cowboy,” and I don’t want to end up with that Jon Voight in the movie theater look on my face.
8 comments Last one added about 1 year ago — Leave a Comment
Fred Salas about 1 year ago
Dave,
Buy a plane ticket to Glendale. Get to the stadium 3 hours before kick off. Ask everyone you see if they have an extra ticket. You will find one for face value or less. No doubt. The catch, you have to be there.
Don't sell your kid or a kidney. These will regretfully be painful sales, even if the Giants don't get worked.
Go Giants!
Fred
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John Fennelly about 1 year ago
Dave - don't listen to Fred
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dave cost about 1 year ago
Dave,
Buy a plane ticket to Glendale. Mug the first scalper you see. I'll meet you by the beer garden, the first one's on me!
P.S.Sell your kidney and get some flames painted on that bad ass ride of yours!
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Bennett Kaplan about 1 year ago
Why dont you call Ted Ginn Junior. He will steal the tickets, and while celebrating he will break his leg.
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Erick Blasco about 1 year ago
Bennett FTW!
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Peter Mimmo about 1 year ago
Dave,
Don't waste your time or your money. Pats 56 - Giants 0.
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Anonymous about 1 year ago
What you people don't realize is that it is people just like yourselves that help make the ticket prices so high. Why is that?
Because people just like you that get tickets through work, a friend or because you are a season ticket holder then sell them to brokers like me. Do you guys sell them for a reasonable price? NEVER.
If you had tickets would you sell them to me for a reasonable price? Of course not. You would do what hundreds of others I have spoken to this week do. You would milk me for every last penny you could. You would try and get me to pay you retail citing various web sites and news articles written by people who nothing nothing about the business claiming they know what tickets are selling for. (Hint: Just because someone is ASKING for a certain price on StubHub doesn't mean that tickets are actually SELLING at that price.) You would make a deal with me only to hang up the phone and call another broker and try and get them to pay you $10 more. I know this because I deal with this all day long.
The truth is it isn't the brokers who get rich on the Super Bowl it is the average Joes that are lucky enough to come across a pair of tickets. I've had hundreds of people in my office this week, all of which are making $4000-5000+ on each pair of tickets they sell me. If I'm lucky I might make $200-400 on a Super Bowl ticket (minus 3-5% for credit card fees), and that is only if the market doesn't shift and leave me trying to sell tickets for less than I paid.
Signed,
www.teamonetickets.com
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Anonymous about 1 year ago
Dave,
I doubt that you would be able to get much for your kidney. From the picture you paint of your financial situation, you are probably the kind of guy that chokes down a couple bottles of screw top wine on a nightly basis. I would wager to be that your kidneys are more abused than Paris Hiltons vigina.
Here is a suggestion for you. Take this article and have it published on nice heavy bond paper and frame it. Then give it to your son on as a sentimental gesture of your love for him on one of the crowning achievements in his life, like when he graduates high school, is released from prison, or comes out of the closet.
Best of luck with those tickets.
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