Super Bowl XLII: America's Idol Game

Ryan ColburnContributor IJanuary 24, 2008

Every year Super Bowl season comes around, it's like Christmas again for overweight, middle-aged men—or remembering Saturdays back on campus.

That is to say, lots of beer and junk food will be consumed.

Or maybe that's last week, or yesterday—depends on how much beer you had and how far back you choose to recall.

Anyways, FOX is going to be showing the Super Bowl in HD.  That's exciting news—the last time the NFL was involved in making the game this real was Super Bowl XXIII: 

Bob Costas declared that the "single proudest moment" of his life.  Probably much the same way viewers felt after surviving the onslaught that came to be known as the Super Bowl XIII Halftime show.

Speaking of halftime shows, every year audiences have the opportunity to watch some big name perform for millions of viewers.  Unfortunately, ever since "wardrobe-malfunction-gate," fans have been unable to enjoy musical talent at these shows. 

To be fair, I wouldn't call NSYNC and Britney Spears "football music" (or music at all).  But hey, half time isn't for the the football fans' entertainment—it's for their spouses, girlfriends (or boyfriends) that don't care to have something to watch while they wait to use the bathroom, or go out to buy more beer.

This year, the NFL gave out a wish list which included stars such as Bruce Springsteen, The Eagles, and even Norah Jones.  Somehow, we wound up with Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. 

Heartbreakers?  Maybe the Giants should see if they can borrow that if and when Eli doles out his usual pout after throwing a desicive pass right into the arms of Rodney Harrison. 

Bridgestone is going to be the sponsor for this year's halftime show.  Firestone petitioned mightily to sponsor the show themselves, but recent pictures of Tom Brady in a soft cast seemed to correspond with their withdrawal from consideration. 

Who knew Star QBs drove Ford Explorers?

Willie Nelson is reported to be performing at a pre-game tailgate party.  It's likely that this will be the first time that an entertainer fails the NFL's substance abuse policy.  Oddly enough, Giants fans have been seen sending invitations to the tailgate party to the Patriots' locker-room.

It's been a running joke for a while now that whenever poor music is played, somewhere Simon Cowell is putting down the person responsible.  With FOX's ties to this year's Super Bowl, we may actually get to see that happen. 

Ryan Seacrest will apparently be MCing the pre-game and half-time shows.  This means that millions of people will be using cell phones to attempt to vote Michael Strahan into the next round.  Either that or they'll be changing the channel frequently. 

As if that wasn't enough (which it is), Paula Abdul  somehow managed to get free airtime for her newest music video, wherein an aging female pop singer's only means of reviving her music career is. She also is in the process of rehearsals for a half-time show with Soulja Boy. 

America is currently bracing itself for the first literal representation of SuperManning that Ho.  The FCC is waiting to pull the plug on all broadcast feeds while leaving all and bikini-beer commercials on-air.

For those of you that are interested in commercials, you'll be intrigued to know that presidential candidates are spending money on Super Bowl air-time.  This is convenient, because I seem to remember my high school government teacher always proclaiming that Patriots vote.  It seems like the politicians have identified their target audience here.

This year, companies will spend a whopping $2.7 million dollars for 30 seconds of air-time.  That's too much—I say we boycott this practice. 

I'm not saying we should stop watching the Super Bowl, but when commercials go on, we should listen from the adjoining room.  That'll confuse those marketing department wizards. 

In between mocking Ryan Seacrest, changing the channel, and drinking beer and eating chips, it turns out some guys are going to be playing football or something.