It's World Cup time, baby!
Okay, okay, so it's the less heralded Women's World Cup. But hey, it's soccer, it's on a worldwide stage and it's one more opportunity to support your country as it bids to further enhance national pride.
Oh, and there are some lovely ladies that will be gracing the pitch as well.
With that in mind, I'm pleased to present some of the loveliest ladies of this year's World Cup—and in case you needed some more convincing to watch (which I'm sure you don't), I've thrown in 20 reasons to watch this year's Cup as well.
To the slides!
Reason No. 20 to Watch: If you watch men's soccer and not the ladies, you are a sexist.
Okay, so that might be jumping to conclusions.
Or is it?
Yeah, it is.
Reason No. 19 to Watch: You never know when an awesome nickname will happen.
I've already got a pretty good one for Lotta Schelin.
Reason No. 18 to Watch: The future is, uh, bright.
Full disclosure: Annika Doppler is on the U-20 German team, not the national team competing for the World Cup. But she recently made headlines when she posed for Playboy with several of her teammates, the photos of which are linked to above.
Reason No. 17 to Watch: The future is, uh, bright.
If you haven't guessed it by now, five of the reasons to watch are the game's bright future.
Reason No. 16 to Watch: If you don't watch, you don't love your country.
Well, that or you aren't really a soccer fan.
But it's mostly because you hate your country.
Reason No. 15 to Watch: It's the opportunity to watch Canadians play well at a sport that doesn't involve ice or snow.
I can't tell if I'm being honest here or just mean.
Reason No. 14 to Watch: There is no possible way the women could take more dives or fake more injuries than the men do. In other words, it isn't a wussier version of the game.
The worst part of soccer is all of the diving and faking of injuries.
That is all.
Reason No. 13 to Watch: The future is, uh, bright.
Two more to go!
Reason No. 12 to Watch: Other than baseball, what else is there to watch?
Yeah, yeah, we know that Wimbledon is happening right now, tennis fans. But honestly, call me when Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal match up for the final.
Until then, I'm going with the ladies of the pitch.
Reason No. 11 to Watch: If you're an American and you don't watch, you hate freedom.
And Uncle Sam will find you and smack you around.
(By the way, who was Uncle Sam's wife? Who is America's Aunt? I'm thinking Rosie the Riveter, but that's just me.)
Reason No. 10 to Watch: Team USA has some gorgeous gals.
Meet Alex Morgan, one of the newest and hottest faces of US women's soccer.
Reason No. 9 to Watch: The possibility for sexual innuendo and puns remains high.
"And there is a great touch by Unitt, who buried it in the back of the goal."
"Unitt got deep there without going offsides."
"She had Unitt streaking free but passed up the opportunity."
And I'm spent.
Reason No. 8 to Watch: The future is, uh, bright.
God bless the Germans.
Reason No. 7 to Watch: It's not like the women's game is any more boring than the game the fellas play.
Listen, I like soccer, but let's keep it real—the game can be really slow and boring sometimes. It's a fact.
Before you go nuts and call me an anti-soccer American, I often say the same about baseball, one of my favorite sports.
Reason No. 6 to Watch: Listen, it's not the WNBA.
Don't be afraid—it won't be nearly that boring.
Reason No. 5 to Watch: You miss vuvuzelas.
And your favorite character from Star Wars was probably Jar Jar Binks.
Reason No. 4 to Watch: Heather Mitts.
Reason No. 3 to Watch: Soccer on the world's stage is friggin' awesome, and the women deserve our support.
I like to call this reason "the only one that you should pay attention to since it is the only one that I sincerely mean."
Reason No. 2 to Watch: The future is, uh, bright.
Also, I think I love you, Selina Wagner. My new goal in life is to learn German, just so I can hit on you in your native tongue.
Reason No. 1 to Watch: The possibility that Josefine Oqvist will give us a Brandi Chastain celebration.
This is both the first and last time I will likely ever write the following sentence: I will be DVR'ing all of Sweden's games, hoping like crazy Oqvist scores a game-winning goal.
You're my No. 2 squad now, Sweden—don't let me down.
Be sure to hit me up on Twitter (@TRappaRT) along with the entire B/R Swagger team (@BR_Swagger). Also, be sure to check me out on the Sexy Metal Pants Blog and Twitter feed (@SexyMetalPants). Coming soon: The Sexy Metal Pants Podcast!