I have never had the pleasure of giving a rat's ass who wins the Super Bowl.
You see my favorite team, for reasons only God knows, is the New Orleans Saints. They have never been to the Super Bowl, and in fact they have only won 2 playoff games in their entire existence.
So if you want someone who knows how to enjoy the Super Bowl objectively, I am your man.
For this year's festivities, I decided to create a drinking game. Here are the rules:
1. Every time the word "perfection" is used - 1 drink.
2. Incomplete pass from Tom Brady - 1 drink
3. Archie Manning appears on screen - 1 drink
4. If the weather in Phoenix is compared to the weather in Lambeau last week - 1 drink
5. If someone at the party changes the channel at any point - 1 drink per channel turned
6. Every time the word "walking cast" is used or the picture is shown - 2 drinks
7. Every time that one girl that laughs at everything laughs at an unfunny commercial - 2 drinks
8. If a female at the party pronounces "Osi Umenyiora" correct - 3 drinks
9. Every time the camera just happens to catch the cast of a new show on Fox and the commentator says "Hey, look it's <reads card>" - 3 drinks
10. If Tom Petty shows a boob - 4 drinks
11. If a player tries to "Superman that hoe" - 4 drinks
12. If Bill Belichick is dressed better than you - 5 drinks
13. If Joe Namath asks to kiss you or if Bill Cowher does kiss you - Finish your drink
14. If Tom Coughlin smiles during the game - Finish your drink
15. If Michael Strahan shows up to the Super Bowl with the gap in his teeth fixed - Streak across the yard...sober.
16. If Adam Vinatieri kicks the game winning FG - Take out the Super Bowl XXXVII tape and turn the channel to Fox. Also see #4
17. If the Giants win - Stop drinking...call a cab. You are so drunk that your eyes are playing tricks on you.
There you have it. The best way possible to enjoy the game and the commercials if your team isn't playing the big game.
Got some rules to add? Bring it on! Nothing better than another reason to drink!