I have never had the pleasure of giving a rat's ass who wins the Super Bowl.
You see my favorite team, for reasons only God knows, is the New Orleans Saints. They have never been to the Super Bowl, and in fact they have only won 2 playoff games in their entire existence.
So if you want someone who knows how to enjoy the Super Bowl objectively, I am your man.
For this year's festivities, I decided to create a drinking game. Here are the rules:
1. Every time the word "perfection" is used - 1 drink.
2. Incomplete pass from Tom Brady - 1 drink
3. Archie Manning appears on screen - 1 drink
4. If the weather in Phoenix is compared to the weather in Lambeau last week - 1 drink
5. If someone at the party changes the channel at any point - 1 drink per channel turned
6. Every time the word "walking cast" is used or the picture is shown - 2 drinks
7. Every time that one girl that laughs at everything laughs at an unfunny commercial - 2 drinks
8. If a female at the party pronounces "Osi Umenyiora" correct - 3 drinks
9. Every time the camera just happens to catch the cast of a new show on Fox and the commentator says "Hey, look it's <reads card>" - 3 drinks
10. If Tom Petty shows a boob - 4 drinks
11. If a player tries to "Superman that hoe" - 4 drinks
12. If Bill Belichick is dressed better than you - 5 drinks
13. If Joe Namath asks to kiss you or if Bill Cowher does kiss you - Finish your drink
14. If Tom Coughlin smiles during the game - Finish your drink
15. If Michael Strahan shows up to the Super Bowl with the gap in his teeth fixed - Streak across the yard...sober.
16. If Adam Vinatieri kicks the game winning FG - Take out the Super Bowl XXXVII tape and turn the channel to Fox. Also see #4
17. If the Giants win - Stop drinking...call a cab. You are so drunk that your eyes are playing tricks on you.
There you have it. The best way possible to enjoy the game and the commercials if your team isn't playing the big game.
Got some rules to add? Bring it on! Nothing better than another reason to drink!
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7 months ago
I'd add one drink for every time a commercial featuring either Peyton or Eli Manning, but we'd probably end up with a national outbreak of alcohol poisoning as a result...
7 months ago
How about a drink for every 10 yards that any New England running back rushes for?
7 months ago
Hilarious. Thanks for the read.
7 months ago
Mike Vrabel lines up as a TE and scores a TD ... 2 drinks.
7 months ago
If Joe Buck's forehead fills an entire television screen...drink 3.
7 months ago
If you want to add one more...Every time there's a camera shot of Eli doing the "Eli Manning face" (you all know what I'm talking about hopefully) drink 1 drink. I think if you did this by itself you'd get drunk enough. The Eli Manning face is priceless
7 months ago
This is awesome. And hey, you should like the Super Bowl... one word: Manning. If you can't have the Saints, at least Archie's kiddies have made the bowl. That in itself is a victory in the world of football.
PS- I'm going to the Super Bowl. Any last words of advice? :)
from 7 months ago
Yes, take me with you.
7 months ago
If they use the term "Peyton's little brother" take a drink.
Awesome :) I think I'm gonna play.
7 months ago
What about me... I quit drinking 20 years ago... I guess I'll take a toke... heehee
7 months ago
As a fellow Saints fan, it they mention the Saints chances next year I say drain the still!
7 months ago
For every minute that the Giants have the lead take a drink, you should end up sober.
6 months ago
The Saints will make it next year, right?? right?? Maybe they're just biding their time until I can figure out how to get tickets - although I'd really rather not wait.
from 6 months ago
Of course they will make it next year. I do need to add though that I predict this every year.
6 months ago
So do I Wes, so do I. I lose a little money every year too though. I just can't bring myself to bet against the Saints, it seems disloyal.
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