NHL Fashion Faux Pas: 20 Past and Present Uniforms That Are Still Repulsive
Ugly jerseys are as much a part of hockey as goal-scoring, fighting, hooking and Southern teams drawing 6,000 people to a game. Almost every franchise in the National Hockey League has one jersey that should never have seen the light of day.
Of course, most of these fashion mistakes can be credited to hockey executives who wanted their uniforms to look "modern" or "cool." None of these jerseys ended up being modern and/or cool.
Some are most definitely worse than others, but certainly don't view this list as the be all end all of ungodly hockey jerseys. Think of it as a collection of sweaters that you can put in any order you wish.
20. Los Angeles Kings Third Jerseys
Nothing says "I'm a tough hockey player" like a king with a purple beard looking like he's trying to take a dump.
In all fairness, this was their third jersey, so fans only had to see King Dump every so often. However, in a city where image is everything and some of the most beautiful people in the world strut around the streets, why select a jersey that a third grader wouldn't even wear?
19. Dallas Stars
Let's say you are employed by a team called the Dallas Stars and are put in charge of designing the team's newest uniforms.
So what's the logical thing to do? If you answered "put a Texas bull on the front and make it a constellation," then forward your resume to the Stars HR department.
Yes, I know, it's a constellation, so therefore, it makes sense for the Stars. It's still stupid. If you looked at that jersey as a non-hockey fan, you would have no idea that the team was called the Stars.
Maybe the Texas Starry Longhorns?
18. Calgary Flames Road Jersey
Remember what I said in the introduction about owners changing jerseys to try and look "cool?" Here's People's Exhibit A.
A flaming horse head? Unless the Flames suddenly morphed into the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, I fail to see the connection to the city of Calgary.
17. 1980s Vancouver Canucks
Is there a better jersey which illustrates the Decade of Decadence than Vancouver's mid-80s sweater?
Not only do we get the dark black contrasting with the wow, is that bright yellow, but we even get a custom-made neon sign that looks like it came straight out of a Japanese anime movie.
I'm sure there's a riot joke to be made here, but I'll leave that to the people who comment.
16. Pittsburgh Penguins
Sorry fellow Penguins fans; I hate this jersey.
The Pens won two Stanley Cups in 1991 and 1992, then changed their logo to that robotic-looking pigeon instead of the iconic skating penguin.
It's no coincidence that they did not win another cup until they went back to the classic logo.
Also, what's with the grey-yellow-gold mash-up on the front? Did some guy just throw darts at a design board and land on this?
15. 1930s Ottawa Senators
My God, I know it was the 1930s, but did we really need this "evil twin brother of the candy cane" jersey?
I know the picture is a little out of focus, but do you people really want to see this in glorious high definition? I know this was the "style" of the time, but that doesn't make it any better.
14. Mighty Ducks of Anaheim
Honestly, do teal and purple ever have a place in hockey? It's bad enough that your team is named after a movie aimed at 12-year-olds, but do you really need to dress in colors usually reserved for little girl dance groups?
Just like real-life ducks, these jerseys had no teeth and came off looking extremely wussy and bright.
13. New York Islanders Fisherman Jersey
NYI Executive: "We need something fearsome to put on the front of our new jersey. The whole logo thing just isn't working for me anymore."
Design Guy: (drunk) "Heyyy, you stay away from my wife *hic*. You know whats theshe ishlands haveth? *Hic* FISHERMAN! We should put a ******* fisherman on our damn jerseys."
NYIE: "Whatever you say, Mr. Milbury."
12. New York Islanders...Again
Yeah, why not?
Bright orange jerseys are never good times. Your players end up looking like giants pieces of fruit or (worse) an arena football team.
The Islanders just simply refuse to embrace their iconic old-school jerseys for whatever reason, so we get these ugly things instead.
However, even though the jersey stunk and looked terrible in every game, Garth Snow still signed it to a 20 year, $140 million dollar deal.
The jersey broke its arm in the second game of the year.
11. Tampa Bay Lightning
Long before Tampa Bay was the home of St. Louis, Stamkos and Lecavalier, they were a mere expansion team getting the living snot kicked out of them on a nightly basis.
Management needed to give fans a reason to come out to the arena, and they came up with LIGHTNING BOLT JERSEYS!!
I'll pause while you pick your jaw up off the floor.
10. Chicago Blackhawks
Not only does this Chicago alternate jersey have the horizontal stripes that I hate so much, but also a very bizarre looking Indian logo.
Aside from its usual mug shot profile picture, poor Mr. Black Hawk also seems to be wearing a very sheer red lipstick.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
9. Boston Bruins
Aren't bears supposed to be ferocious and dangerous? This one looks like it was just shot with a tranquilizer gun or had a really bad day at the office.
It also doesn't help that the jersey is the same color as Winnie the Pooh, hence giving critics the perfect nickname for the sweater.
8. Vancouver Cancuks...Again
Good Lord, that thing is ugly.
I don't know how Vancouver's design team convinced themselves that a gold and black logo would look just great on a red and blue jersey.
I guess if you were hunting in the woods, this jersey would be helpful, but I can't see it as a hockey jersey.
7. Phoenix Coyotes
Oh, the poor Phoenix fans. Those 12 people have been through some rough times, and this jersey was one of them.
I'm not sure if Phoenix wanted to use their camouflage jerseys to blend in with their surroundings, but they probably should have picked something different than jungle colors.
Plus, what is up with that coyote's eye? Does he have glaucoma or something?
6. Atlanta Thrashers
Alas, Atlanta Thrashers...we hardly knew ye.
What the hell is that logo supposed to be? Is it the Tasmanian Devil playing hockey? Is it a bird with severe spinal problems?
In either case, baby blue is simply not a very good hockey color. You tend to look like big, blue stuffed animals when skating along the ice surface.
5. Mighty Ducks of Anaheim...Again
My God, how terrible. What did the players do to deserve having to wear this thing?
It looks like a t-shirt that a second grader would wear to school and then take off when his classmates ruthlessly beat him.
Is the duck bursting out of the ice supposed to show power? Why was he under the ice in the first place? Who thought this was a good idea?
4. Montreal Canadiens
My eyes! The goggles...they do nothing!
The candy stripe look of the old Canadiens uniform succeeded in giving me a major migraine in a matter of 30 seconds.
Actually, if you stare at it look enough, you see a sailboat in 3D.
Wow, there are two obscure references in a slide...new record.
3. New York Americans
Looking like rejects from American Gladiators tryouts, the New York Americans took the ice in 1933 dressed in these snappy outfits.
Now I'm as patriotic as the next guy, but this is like severe red, white and blue style right here.
My favorite part of the ensemble are the Where's Waldo? socks that no doubt pulled in all the ladies.
2. Vancouver Cancuks...Again
Who looks at that uniform and then thinks to himself "oh yeah, that's a good look?"
With the letter V well-represented, the Canucks took the ice looking like invading martians with a dress code.
1. St. Louis Blues
Oh...my...God. Can you believe someone thought this was a good idea?
Thankfully, this monstrosity of a jersey never saw the light of day because St. Louis head coach Mike Keenan took one look at them and forbid his players from wearing them.
That's right. The uniforms were actually ready to be handed out to everyone until Mike Keenan freaked out.
Rest assured, it would take a monumental effort to design a worse jersey than this.