I’m back! It’s been over a month but I was finally able to not only watch RAW live but get up a review. Let’s start out with some quick notes.
-Few surprises last night. I’m excited for a great promo; MIZ is going to undoubtedly cut about his loss last night.
-No Sin Cara or Daniel Bryan in the PPV was not only surprising, but kind of disappointing considering they could have easily put them together in a tag match and killed two birds with one stone.
Monday Night RAW Power to the People comes to us live tonight from Baltimore, MD. I feel like this is going to be one of those things the WWE does that is a great concept but will be executed terribly.
Punk starts us off tonight coming off a big win over Rey Mysterio.
“I wouldn’t believe this guy if his tongue were notarized.” Lawler starts us off with a knee slapper.
Punk says he fears what decisions the people will make tonight based on the fact that they chose to live in Baltimore, MD. He then tells us he is the best wrestler in the world. Bit of a stretch there.
He then decides that he is the #1 contender for the WWE Championship based on his accomplishments over the past two weeks. What about the last two years when you got crapped on by all of your opponents?
He pulls the never before seen sit-in. He won’t leave the ring until the RAW GM makes him the #1 contender for the WWE Championship.
Punk just mocked the shit out of Cole by mimicking his lines when the GM chimed in. It was hilarious. He then did snow-angels as the GM tried to get him to leave the ring. The GM is not about the sit-in and tells Punk he will have to fight Alberto Del Rio and Rey Mysterio in a triple threat match for the #1 contender. Punk then leaves. So much for standing up for what you believe in, Punk.
First viewer’s choice: who will lose to Brie Bella--Eve, Kelly Kelly, or Beth Pheonix. The camera then catches Lawler trying to send Wiener pictures to Kelly Kelly. If Kelly Kelly doesn’t win with at least 70% of the votes, I’m calling this whole shtick rigged.
The Bella’s come out looking AAAAAAAWWWWESSSOOOOMMMMMEEEEEE! tonight in purple. And her opponent is… Kelly Kelly! I’ll take 53% but I’m a little suspicious.
This match went on for quite a while. I didn’t actually watch it because the Yankees were on at the same time, but I flipped back to watch Kelly Kelly celebrating. She’s actually crying. That’s a bit over-dramatic. So we have a title exchange hands with the first match at Power to the People. Ballsy, WWE. Well played.
Evan Bourne got a 35 minute video promo that showed some insane looking Shooting Star Presses including one off a ladder, which I had never seen before.
Second viewer’s choice: Who will face Evan Bourne--Swagger, Mason Ryan, or Sin Cara. Can you imagine the match we would get out of Bourne and Sin Cara? Booker agrees. My fingers are crossed.
And Bourne will face… Mason Ryan? Really? I call shenanigans on that one.
Bourne started dancing around to start the match to avoid Mason Ryan until Ryan caught him and began tossing him around like a rag doll. Bourne had a few glimpses of hope, but Mason Ryan caught Bourne off the top rope and hit his Rock Bottom-esque Sidewalk Slam then ate Evan Bourne whole. Decision: Mason Ryan by consumption.
I like how WWE put up that promo video making Bourne look awesome, then let him get decimated by Ryan.
Third viewer’s choice: Mark Henry vs. Kane in a--Body slam match, arm wrestling match, or over the top rope match. After two solid matches to start us off, we get a real stinker. I want to see an arm-wrestling match just because it would be the shortest of the three.
Apparently next week we will have RAW Roulette. Remember what I said about Power to the People earlier? Same thing goes for RAW Roulette.
Why does Big Show wear a yellow glove?
Oh god, Mark Henry has a mic in his hand. Whoever gave it to him better get fired.
He actually cut a good promo calling out Big Show. Well done, Henry.
And the match will be: arm-wrestling match! Excellent. Ten bucks says it ends in a DQ.
Henry keeps bitching out of the set-up. This has already gone on too long, and it hasn’t even started.
We finally get under way and the two stalemate in the center for what seems like an eternity. Henry cold cocked Kane, and I’m up ten bucks. He then proceeds to kick Kane around the floor and slam him through the announcer’s table.
R-Truth promo video. Am I the only person who thinks R-Truth sucks just as much as a heel as he did as a face? You still can’t understand anything he says, and what little you can make out makes no damn sense. The Little Jimmy thing was old five weeks ago. Not to mention that, since he’s turned heel, he hasn’t won anything.
He was literally given the #1 contender for the WWE Championship. If Cena was ever just given a #1 contender for the WWE Championship, this site would explode with articles about how Cena is going to be the reason the world is going to end next year. I’ve come to the conclusion that, as long as you are a heel, you will be liked by the IWC.
R-Truth cut a promo that sounded something like this: “aoihfdueie Jimmy, dheuaiuhd Jimmy, aushdue Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy.”
Luckily, Christian comes out to save the day. He called R-Truth “dog”. That was a little weird.
Christian lists all the people he blames for losing his WWE Championship. This is getting pretty terrible.
AAAAAAAWWWWWWEEEESSSSSOOOOOMMMMEEE! MIZ comes out to save the day. He calls Christian and Truth cry-babies. All three men seem to think they were the most screwed last night. This is just bad.
Teddy Long comes out to save the day (third time’s a charm). He sets up a six-man tag match. Miz, Christian, and Truth will face off against Riley, Cena, and Orton. “The people” will decide the stipulation. Maybe we’ll get a dance-off.
Fourth viewer’s choice: Kofi vs. Dolph for the US Title with the stipulation of two out of three falls, Vickie banned from ringside, or submission.
Lawler on Vicki Guerrero: “I haven’t seen legs like that since the brontosaurus died out.” How does he come up with these things?
And we get a two out of three falls match! I’ll bet everything I own it goes three falls.
Kofi starts off strong looking upset. It almost looks like he got screwed out of his US Title last night. The first fall starts out very back and forth. Neither man had the upper hand for more than 30 seconds at a time. Kofi goes diving out of the ring to send us to commercial.
When we come back, Ziggler has Kofi in a headlock. During the commercial break, Ziggler got the first pinfall after hitting Kofi with a Zig-Zag outside the ring.
Ziggler in complete control of the second fall. Kofi then pulled an SOS out of nowhere for the second fall.
Kofi took control of the third fall, stopping a few attempts by Ziggler to get momentum. He hit Ziggler with the huge cross body from the top rope, but it was from behind and looked sort of awkward.
Ziggler then rolled out of the ring and grabbed his title. He tried to hit Kofi with the title, but missed and ate a Trouble in Paradise. Kofi rolled him back in and pinned him, but Ziggler grabbed the rope. Ziggler then proceeded to leave the ring and smash Kofi in the face with a microphone.
Kofi wins but apparently doesn’t get the title because one of his falls was via DQ. I’m not sure that makes much sense.
Up next is the No. 1 contender match. The viewer’s choice stipulations: no DQ, falls count anywhere, or submission. I’m rooting for a falls count anywhere. That would be a heck of a match with these three in-ring studs.
The Heart Break Kid will be on RAW next week!
Del Rio comes out without Ricardo announcing him. His entrances are still cool, but Ricardo was just great at introducing him.
And we get a falls count anywhere! I may go as far as to retract my shenanigans.
The match starts out high paced with Mysterio trying to get a quick win from Punk then Del Rio. Mysterio then went for an early 619 on Punk but got clocked by Del Rio. Sweet nearfall from Punk after he did a sunset flip powerbomb to Del Rio from the apron to the outside. Mysterio then crashed on both of them and almost got the win as we head to commercial.
Mysterio pulled a great sequence where he hit a swanton bomb then dove outside to take out Punk. He is on fire in this match. He goes for one of his huge springboard cross bodies, but Punk moves and no one’s home. Del Rio comes back and slaps the cross arm-breaker on Mysterio, but Punk jumps on them from the top rope. This match has been unreal.
619 from Mysterio on Del Rio! Frog splash connects but Punk tosses Mysterio out of the way and picks up the pinfall. Punk is your new #1 Contender. This should be one heck of a rivalry.
Punk then tells us that his contract with WWE comes to an end at Money In The Bank on July 17. He tells everyone he is leaving and that he will leave with the WWE championship. Holy crap. I know I said this already, but this is going to be one heck of a rivalry.
Viewer’s choice: Daniel Bryan vs. Cody Rhodes in a: paper bag match, no count out match, collegiate rules match. I don’t know what two of those three things are, so I’d like to see the second option. And luckily the people want that as well.
Bryan suicide dives outside early to take out Cody, and the two take advantage of the no count-out rule. Bryan kicks Cody around up and down the ramp then hits him with a big missile drop-kick when Rhodes flees back to the ring. Cody reverses a running move then hits his chuck-kick. The match ends about 30 seconds later after he reverses a roll-up into a roll-up of his own for the 1-2-3. That was pretty anti-climactic.
Bryan slaps on the Labelle lock and Dibiase hits the ring to take out Bryan. Rhodes hits him with an Alabama Slam that Booker somehow mistook as a sidewalk slam. Matthews laughed at him and said, “I don’t think that was a sidewalk slam” to which Booker retorted, “it looked like a sidewalk slam.” What is Booker watching?
Power to the People brings us the opportunity to chose whether Vicki Guerrero will face Booker, Josh Matthews, or Cole in a dance-off. Cole dances around like an idiot. He is just awesome sometimes. I’m not gonna lie, I really want to see Josh Matthews attempt to dance.
Apparently WWE has more followers than Disney. What is this world coming to? They also have more followers than Coke and Pepsi. Who follows Coke and Pepsi on Twitter?
Vicki Guerrero is in the ring ready to dance, and I couldn’t have changed the channel quick enough. Michael Cole won the vote with an astonishing 47 percent. Matthews was in second.
Cole then did the most unreal dance routine I’ve ever seen. It was amazing. He screwed up as many dance moves as you can name, including Booker’s spin-a-roonie, and even screwed up some moves he seemingly made up on the spot. To Cole go the loudest boos and was declared the winner. Vicki slapped Cole then “danced” up the ramp.
Main Event viewer’s choice: Dance-off, arm wreslting, bra and panties match.
Ok, ok, the real options are: One fall to finish, 20 minute time limit, elimination match. I’ve been on fire predicting these things, and I’m going with elimination match for the main event.
We get an elimination match by overwhelming choice.
Miz starts off against Cena. Cena gets control early then looks hesitant to tag in either of his partners. He tags in Orton, who continues abuse to MIZ. MIZ gets control with a boot to the face, then tags in Christian. He keeps control as Booker says that winning this match might actually hurt Christian. Maybe he should sit the next couple of plays out.
Truth gets tagged in and continues to work over the Viper. Orton almost gets a tag, but Christian comes in to keep him in the ring. Sweet reversal of an RKO by Christian into a reverse DDT. He goes “Edge” on us and tries to spear Orton but runs right into a scoop powerslam.
Riley gets the tag and comes in absolutely on fire. He destroys Christian with a spinebuster, then takes out MIZ. MIZ comes back in for a double team and chaos ensues. The Awesome One takes advantage by hitting Riley with a Skull Crushing Finale, and Christian picks up the pin for the first elimination.
MIZ is dominating Orton when we come back from break until he tries his jumping corner clothesline and runs right into a clothesline from Orton.
Cena gets the tag and goes vintage for the shoulder block, shoulder block, backdrop suplex thing, five knuckle shuffle. He goes for the AA, but MIZ reverses into his backbreaker neckbreaker combo. He goes for an out of character move from the top rope and gets caught by Cena and locked into the STF. Truth and Christian storm the ring to break it up and regain control.
Miz, Truth, and Christian work tags to keep Cena on his back until Cena pulls a sweet reversal of the Skull Crushing Finale into the Attitude Adjustment to eliminate MIZ. Christian and Truth keep control until a double tag sets Orton on fire. He goes vintage Orton and hits clothesline, clothesline, scoop powerslam then hits the Spike DDT.
Christian sneaks up from behind but gets dumped over the top rope. Truth misses his scissor kick and eats an RKO. Truth’s out. Once Christian gets up, he takes a spear from Christian to get eliminated, but Cena quickly sticks Christian in the STF and pulls the victory for Team Face.
That was a fun RAW. It was long and dragged on in spots, but overall it was definitely entertaining. Who thought we would see a title change on Power to the People? Even if it was just the Divas Title, it’s still pretty cool. The triple-threat was a great match, and the main event was very fun to watch.
I’m thinking of debuting a new article. The premise is that I will come up with five-ten questions each week. I will develop two-four characters to answer these questions (heel, heel/face, face/heel, face). The catch is that the questions will be dealt with as if wrestling were real. This means no talk of pushes, backstage politics, faces, heels, and other things that would suggest that wrestling is scripted.
Here would be an example of a question I might have asked last week:
Randy Orton vs Christian: Who wins and why?
Sam: I’m going to take Christian. He was VERY close to beating Orton at Over The Limit. Now, I think his chances of winning are greater because, after his rant last week, he seems extremely frustrated that he does not have the World Heavyweight Championship. He’s tired of being the role model for his Peeps and I think he is willing to cheat in order to win the title back. I think that gives him the edge, no pun intended, in a very close matchup.
Dave: I’m taking Orton all the way here. Orton, in my opinion, is the second best wrestler in the WWE right now. He is on quite a streak after beating the likes of CM Punk and the Nexus the past few months then challenging Christian to a match for his World Heavyweight Championship and winning. Not only that, but I feel like Christian fought his best fight at Over the Limit and he lost. I don’t think he has another match in him like that.
Let me know what you think of the idea in the comments section, and if the response is positive enough, I'll try to get the first one up this week. Until then, you have been a lovely, lovely audience.