Fool's Gold is not just a terrible movie. It's also a terrific metaphor for how incredibly hard it is to distinguish good basketball players from bad ones.
Want to make sure that your team doesn't end up with Darko Milicic instead of Carmelo Anthony?
Want to make sure that your team doesn't end up with Greg Oden instead of Kevin Durant?
Want to make sure that you team doesn't end up with Sam Bowie instead of Michael Jordan?
E-mail this list to your team's GM. Save you and your team the decades of despair.
Unless your team has a need for a guy who has an inconsistent shot, plays atrocious defense, and handles the ball like Edward Scissorhands, don't fall for the "high-potential" of Scotty Hopson or his hightop fade.
The former one-and-done prospect end up being three-and-done. He probably should've gone four-and-done, but some delicious Buddy's BBQ influenced his decision.
For further analysis on this piece of fool's gold, click here.
What's the deal with drafting players that did nothing the previous year?
And when I say nothing, I mean nothing.
Or is it Kosta Koufos?
Maybe it's the great rookie year of fellow Kentucky player Daniel Orton.
I hope you clicked those links because I now rest my case. Stop drafting big men that were supposed to be good but did nothing noteworthy the season before.
Chang and Eng Bunker showed what happens when twins that have been together forever separate.
The two Thai men spent 62 years joined at the hip, quite literally. Once Chang passed away in his sleep, Eng only lasted three more hours until he too passed on.
Watch how I actually bring this back to basketball!
Marcus Morris has played basketball with his brother Markeiff Morris since they were born. This leads me to fear that when separated, Marcus will be wholly unable to perform his duties as a player.
Fun fact: Chang and Eng had 11 and 10 children, respectively. Just ponder that for a moment...
Refer to the story of Marcus Morris for the reason Markeiff Morris is fool's gold.
Chandler Parsons never lived up to his 5-star expectations. His buddy Nick Calathes bolted for the Greek AI League after their freshman year, and Parsons stuck around to underwhelm Gator fans for three more years.
I was actually surprised to see him in the top 30 of many mock drafts. Why? Is the class that weak?
If you're going to take a Chandler, take Chandler Bing.
I don't like it when players experience a huge jump in their production for no noticeable reason.
Indeed, if one of my Atlanta Braves suddenly hits 60 home runs and leads us to the World Series, I'll be mad because it came out of nowhere.
Enter Iman Shumpert, who for three years at Georgia Tech has received right at 30 minutes per game. For his freshman and sophomore years he averaged a meager 10 points, 3.7 rebounds, 4.5 assists, and two steals per game.
But that name rocks.
After a semester-long suspension, Josh Selby burst onto the scene with the Kansas Jayhawks on December 18th.
Then he suffered a right foot injury at the beginning of February and never could get back on track. One has to worry whether this is something that could linger for a while.
If Selby is looking for a particular pain killer for his ailment, could someone get him in touch with Greg Oden? I feel like he dealt with this injury during his seventh and fourteenth IR stint.
What's the deal with "forgoing" everything and "taking your talents" everywhere? It seems like it's the thing to do, and Jeremy Tyler set the bar.
Tyler forwent his senior year of high school to take his talents to Israel and Japan. Yeah, it's true.
If there's anything that the Japanese National Team has taught us, it's that Japanese professional basketball is the best way to get ready for the NBA.
If Brandon Knight ends up being fool's gold, it'll shock the world.
Not because Knight is unbelievably good, even though he is.
Not because he's likely to end up playing with Al Jefferson in Utah, but he is.
They say that more people lose money gambling on a streak to end than any other thing. I'm prepared to take my chances and say that four in a row is just too many for one cheating coach.
It pains me to put both of the Tennessee Volunteers on this list, but I have to. Tobias Harris is quite possibly the foolest fool's gold.
He's very smooth, very calm and does a little bit of everything. The problem is that he really doesn't do of one particular thing to really affect the team that drafts him.
He won't hurt you. That's for sure. He's clean-cut, humble, and a hard worker. You won't even realize that he has racked up 20 points, but that's his problem.
The NBA isn't just about scoring. Nearly every NBA player is capable of scoring a lot. It's about scoring and making sure that everyone in the arena saw, heard, and felt it.
Harris is just too nice.
Darius Morris' solid 2010-2011 campaign is as much about his own improvement as it is about the departure of Manny Harris.
Morris saw a really big bump in his points per game, from 4.4 to 15.0, which coincides with his minutes per game bump, 24.3 to 34.8.
His three-point percentage rose to 25 percent. So he was just driving the lane and putting up lay-ups. I think Dikembe Mutombo will have something to say about that.
Do you know what Manny Harris' real name is? It's Corperryale L'Adorable Harris. Wikipedia it.
I repeat. Bismack. Biyombo.
I see an excellent opportunity for a sponsorship with McDonald's, but I'm not sure about an NBA career. The experts say his offensive game is "raw" which is code for bad in the world of sports.
I can't help but wonder what kind of awesome signs fans could make about a raw Bismack.
I digress. Fool's gold alert!
For all the hype around Chris Singleton, his stats sure are mediocre.
His junior year at Florida State, Singleton tallied 13.1 points, 6.8 rebounds, and 1.2 assists per game. His defensive effort led him to being voted the runner-up for ACC Defensive Player of the Year (and helped him land on this list).
But do you spend a lottery pick on a defensive forward?
The fact that he shares his name with the "great" baseball player doesn't help. Steer clear of him.
If the name doesn't scare you, the size will: 6'8" and 188 pounds.
As I type this, I weigh in at 5'10" and 173 pounds. I honestly think I could body up with Tyler Honeycutt.
His height says forward, but his weight says guard (and for the record, his mind keeps telling him no). His numbers at UCLA are inconclusive. Someone needs to decide what Honeycutt's future is.
I will. He's a lovely piece of fool's gold. Proceed at your own risk.
We've had shared some laughs, and that's nice.
Let's bring it back with a serious fool's gold concern I have, Jimmer Fredette.
Fredette wowed us with his scoring prowess at BYU. He definitely has NBA three-point range, and is totally capable of driving to the rim.
But his defense is untested. BYU coach Dave Rose smartly put Fredette on the opponent's weakest offensive guard so as to limit Fredette's fouls and allow him to torch the net on offense.
I'm afraid that a lottery pick on him will equate to a lottery pick on J.J. Reddick or Adam Morrison. Reddick is definitely fool's gold, but I'm really sure what you call Morrison...