The Cincinnati Bengals Are Halfway to The Bagel Shop

ZipCorrespondent IOctober 27, 2008

After Sunday's 35-6 loss to the Houston Texans, the Cincinnati Bengals are halfway to the bagel shop.  My only question:  would they like cream cheese or tuna salad with that sesame seed bagel? 

I was simply making small talk with someone when I asked how the Bengals did.  He responded, "Is that a rhetorical question?  Of course they lost."  And so it goes...

No NFL team has ever gone 0-16 for the season, but teams have come close.  The 1990 Patriots, 2000 Chargers, 2001 Panthers, and 2007 Dolphins all went 1-15.  The 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers went 0-14, but that was before the current 16 game season.

Could this be a historic year for the Bengals, or perhaps better suited, the Bungles?  Anything is possible and with each passing week it is looking more and more likely. 

Although it is not yet official, Carson Palmer is probably out for the rest of the season with an elbow injury.  In his place, fourth year NFL quarterback, Ryan Fitzpatrick attempts to lead the lackluster Cincinnati offense. 

Fitzpatrick graduated from Harvard.  Okay, so the guy is smart, but what about his football skills?  In his five games starting as the Cincinnati QB he has thrown two touchdowns and five interceptions.  Not the hottest stats on the market. 

Forget about our QB woes, because perhaps the worst part about Cincinnati's dismal play is not that we stand at the midpoint of the season without a single victory.  That's not it.  Rather, we have had no sideshow entertainment from Mr. Ocho Cinco. 

He has only scored two touchdowns this season, and I'm pretty sure neither of them have made it onto Sportscenter's Top 10.  That is the real travesty.  Honestly I feel bad for the guy.  Sure he likes to showboat, but that is part of the reason why I love him.  He is in the business of entertaining, not the business of being bageled. 

I kind of hope we continue on our path of self-destruction.  At this point, the most we could win is a couple of games.  They might provide slight moral victories, but other than that, they won't bring much relief. 

I'm not saying we should tank the rest of the season.  I don't believe in giving up.  I just think we should embrace the bagel for what it is—a delectable Jewish staple that comes in a variety of flavors and can be eaten with a number of choice toppings. 

Therefore, I want to say mazel tov on making it halfway to history.  We only need eight more losses until we arrive at the promised land.