25 Hottest Elite Female Athletes

It's hard being an athletic female.

One female athlete that is absolutely dreadful might get the most attention because she is easy on the eyes.

Fortunately for these women, not only can they compete with those buffoons off the court with their beauty, but they get the honor of dominating those females on the court as well.

Here are the Top 25 Hottest Elite Female Athletes.

Not only are they hot, they could beat a ton of men as well.

They've got the brawn and the beauty.

No. 25: Serena Williams

Sigh...

I didn't want it to come to this, but after being alerted about a mistake I made about Laisa Andrioli, I am forced to put Serena Williams on here.

Her resume is a stunner, having won 27 Grand Slam titles. 13 of those are in singles play.

She also has two Olympic golds to her name. One in Sydney and the other in Beijing.

Personally, she isn't my cup of tea, but I do know that many find her stunningly attractive.

So those of you who think Serena is hot, thank the a-holes on the internet who wrongfully claimed Andrioli was a striker for the Brazilian national team. And thank me for being a gullible loser who believes sites like these. Because now Serena is on here.

No. 24: Michelle Wie

While Wie has yet to beat the men, she has been relatively successful with the ladies. 

In 2005 and 2006, she finished in at least the top 3 in all of the major championships.

Although she doesn't have a major championship under her belt, I have a sneaky suspicion that it is only a matter of time.

The amount of scrutiny this girl has endured can only make her mentally stronger, and she is only 21, even though it seems like she has been around forever.

Check out BLACK FLAMINGO if you want to know Michelle better. It is her personal blog. 

No. 23: Rachel Unitt

This Brit was named Nationwide International Player of the Year at the 2004 and 2006 FA Women’s Football Awards.

If Randy Johnson is known as the Big Unit here in the States, then is Rachel Unitt known as the unit Beavis and Butthead are talking about?

No. 22: Alicia Sacramone

In 2008, Sacramone helped the U.S. women's gymnastic's team win a silver medal.

She is, in my opinion, the hottest one that was on that team.

My dream death consists of Alicia on top of me, going the way of the captain in the James Bond movie Goldeneye.

No. 21: Carissa Moore

Moore has earned 11 NSSA Nation Titles, as well as winning the 2008 Reef Hawaiian Pro, the 2010 US Open of Surfing title, and the 2010 ASP Rookie of the Year.

Of course, she was born in Hawaii.

I'm pretty sure those people are bred to be outstanding surfers.

I need to move to Hawaii so I can train my kids to be good surfers, so I can lay out on the beach all day.

No. 20: Elena Reid

Baby Doll here competes in the awesome sport known as "boxing" and was a WIBA and IFBA Flyweight Champion way back in the day.  

I don't know if you have heard of it, but the sport of "boxing" was pretty popular until slimy corruption took it down.

And then a bunch of dudes decides that kicking and rolling on top of each other was more entertaining.

While I wholeheartedly support the participation of females in MMA style fighting for obvious reasons, I just want the days where boxing is more popular again. Because real men use their hands. Hasn't anyone seen Friday!?

(And yes, I know she is mixed martial artist too, but I choose to ignore that.)

No. 19: Tatiana Navka

Navka is an Olympic gold medal winner, earning hers in Turin for ice dancing.

We have lingerie football, why not lingerie ice dancing?

The sooner the better people.

No. 18: Viktoria Azarenka

If we go by rankings, Azarenka is the greatest Belarusian tennis player to ever play the game of tennis when she passed Natasha Zvereva.

She has also won two mixed doubles Grand Slam titles.

Azarenka has been "criticized" for her drawn out groans when she returns a tennis ball.

In this case, criticism is defined as stand up, cheer and applaud, right? 

For obvious reasons I won't get into, I find this a definite positive.

No. 17: Paula Creamer

Creamer recently won the U.S Women's Open last year. She also had respectable finishes in the LPGA Championship in 2005 (3rd), and the Women's British Open in 2009 (3rd).

She has also reached as high as No. 2 in the Women's World Golf Rankings.

Her last name is a perfect fit for those certain movies that have about 30 sequels.

No. 16: Gretchen Bleiler

Blieler has won four golds in the Winter X-Games on the super pipe and earned a silver medal in the 2006 Winter Olympics at Turin.

Sadly, Neve and Gliz, the mascots of those Olympics, were killed because Blieler is way too hot for her own good. (Neve is a snowball and Gliz is an ice cube).

How she got away with the murder of two of the most precious mascots in Olympic history still baffle even the greatest detectives the world has to offer. 

No. 15: Caroline Wozniaki

Despite not winning a Grand Slam title yet, she is currently ranked No. 1 on the WTA tour.

Until Wozniaki came around, the Danes were looked down upon as tennis players, as no Danish player, male or female, had ever been ranked above 30 in the history of tennis.

Someone get her a bottle of Hvidtøl. She deserves it.

No. 14: Maria Sharapova

Sharapova made a name for herself at the age of 17 when she beat Serena Williams at 2004 Wimbledon.

The former No. 1 in the world won 23 WTA singles titles, and 3 Grand Slam singles titles at the 2004 Wimbledon, 2006 US Openand 2008 Australian Open.

By earning $24.5 million dollars in 2010, she was named the highest paid female athlete, according to Forbes magazine.

Rich, hot and talented. Someone get me my inhaler.

No. 13: Danica Patrick

Patrick won the Indy Japan 300, making her the first woman to win an Indy car race in the sports history,

She won Rookie of the Year for both the 2005 Indianapolis 500 and the 2005 IndyCar Series.

She also placed 3rd in the Indianapolis 500 in 2009, making it not only her personal best, but the best finish for a woman in the sports history.

Who says women can't drive?

No. 12: Stephanie Rice

Rice has the world record in the 400 m women's individual medley, and three gold medals to her name.

She threw out an infamous f-bomb before Kobe and Joakim Noah's use of the derogatory word got attention.

She talked trash on Twitter towards the Springboks after her Wallabies won in a dramatic rugby match.

I forgive her. She cried for God sakes. 

No. 11: Heather Mitts

Mitts is a defender, a two time Olympic gold medal winner and a current member of the U.S. women's national soccer team.

In 2010, she married A.J. Feeley, which means that in 20 years I will be witnessing a superhuman athlete with striking good looks.

Let's just all cross our fingers that she procreates a girl.

No. 10: Sasha Cohen

Cohen won a silver medal in the 2006 Olympics.

I am pretty sure every Sasha in the entire earth's existence is hot as hell. Cohen continues the tradition that is better than the torch being carried. 

No. 9: Alex Morgan

 In the 2008 FIFA U-20 Women's World Cup in Chile, Morgan earned a Silver Ball for being voted the second best player in the tournament.

She is also currently third on the University of Cal's scoring list, with 45 goals.

Guess who she is pointing to?

Yeah, me.

In my dreams.

No. 8: Aliena Kabieva

While she isn't allegedly being Vladimir Putin's mistress or wrapping herself in a bunch of dead animal fur, Kabieva was one of the best rhythmic gymnasts of all time, winning two Olympic medals and 18 world championship medals.

She is, unfortunately for all of us, retired.

What is with all these hot elite athletes retiring?!

No. 7: Daniela Hantuchova

Hantuchova has four career WTA singles titles and is only the fifth female to win mixed doubles in all four Grand Slam tournaments. 

Hantuchova's father is a computer scientists and her mother is a toxicologist. But more impressively, her father's name is Igor. I don't know if he assisted with the creation of a monster, but I wouldn't put it past him.

Some of you may know her from Virtua Tennis.

For some damn reason, they don't have her wearing a bikini in that game. What a missed opportunity.

No. 6: Ana Ivanovic

You can't do any better than be ranked No. 1 in the world, and that is precisely what Ivanovic did in 2008

She also won the 2008 French Open and was runner-up in the 2007 French Open and 2008 Australian Open.

One of her strengths is her above average, flat stroke forehand.

That's what she said.

No. 5: Julia Mancuso

Mancuso won gold in Turin in the Giant Slalom event, and earned two silver in Vancouver for the Giant Slalom and the Downhill.

Pretty impressive considering that when I try sliding down a hill, I come close to dying.

And that's with a sled.

No. 4: Allison Baver

Baver earned a bronze medal in the 2010 Winter Olympics in the 3000 m relay.

Being on a team that is the third best in the entire world? Pretty elite to me.

But not as elite as a lacy bra.

That article of clothing has immense talent that no human can compete with.

No. 3: Gina Carano

Carano recently made a return to the sport in February after a year away.

Her career record is 7-1.

I am a misogynistic pig of a man, so I am still positive I could beat her in a fight, despite her "elite" understanding of the art of hand to hand combat and her very distracting and long legs...

Wait, what was I talking about again?

No. 2: Tanith Belbin

Belbin is a five-time U.S. champion and won a silver medal in 2006 for her elite ice dancing.

She apparently retired in June of 2010, essentially making her not very elite because she no longer is competing.

But I refuse to acknowledge that she has retired and firmly believe with all my heart that she still trains day and night, meaning she will continue to be a dominating force even as a retiree.

Hey, if Skip Bayless can go off about nonsensical stories and dream up opinions while getting paid for it, so can I.

No. 1: Lindsey Vonn

Vonn earned a gold medal in the downhill and a bronze in the Super-G.

She earned two golds in Val d'Isère, both were in the competitions I just mentioned.

A Sports Illustrated cover of Vonn stirred controversy, as negative nancies claimed the picture was deragatory towards women for its sexually suggestive pose.

I agree. We should totally get rid of skiing because the form they use while competing is very sexually suggestive.

Idiots.