Very big Gatorade towel
Trying to figure out what Andy Reid is thinking is like going into a beer drinker's mind who openly takes down one Bud Light Lime after another.
Both live in a delusional state while the general public is dying to expose them.
When someone cracks open a Bud Light Lime you kind of sit back and say, "Look, if you want a pansy beer, why not cough up the extra buck and get a Corona."
If you confront the person they will spin their unfortunate situation and say it is refreshing and tastes great.
When you listen to a Reid press conference he spews horsebleep about everything from the starting quarterback to running the ball more.
We hear Kevin Kolb is the starting quarterback at the beginning of a week only to find out Michael Vick is back in the saddle.
Instead of trying to pick out random stats and saying things like "DeSean Jackson will have 62 receptions for 987 yards and 7 touchdowns," we'll try to figure out who may be out of a job if they don't change their ways in 2011.
Andy Reid has been absolutely burned by the offensive line since Jon Runyan and Tra Thomas parted ways in 2008.
The Eagles have seen key pieces go down in injury like Jamaal Jackson and others flop like Stacey and Shawn Andrews.
It's led to a revolving door at the offensive line and quarterbacks getting their bell rung a little too often,
Winston Justice bounced back from a rough start to his career and played well enough in 2009 to earn a five-year contract extension worth $21.3 million according to RotoWorld.
He was seen as potential source of stability and one less thing Reid to worry about.
Unfortunately Justice has turned into the model of inconsistency with the lowest point coming against the Green Bay Packers in last year's Wild Card loss.
Justice found himself on the bench late in the third quarter following three penalties and inability to block linebacker Clay Matthews.
It's unlikely Reid will bench Justice and start King Dunlap at the start of the year. But if Justice's performance continues to fluctuate Reid won't hesitate to cut the cord.
Makes people whiff on tackles.
Reid has an interesting history with wide receivers to say the least.
He's told the fans players like Todd Pinkston and James Thrash were good enough to win a Super Bowl only to go out and sign controversial receiver Terrell Owens and earn his only trip to the game's biggest stage.
The following year Owens and his agent Drew Rosenhaus caused problems because they believed T.O. outperformed his contract. Reid could only tolerate so much before he finally sent Owens packing.
This year DeSean Jackson is whining about a new contract because he is outperforming his current deal. Making matters is worse is the fact Rosenhaus is in his corner.
According to ProFootballTalk Rosenhaus learned his lesson with Owens, but that doesn't mean things will be any different this time around.
The only problem is that Jackson may need to learn a lesson.
During warmups for a game against the Chicago Bears, Jackson complained about returning punts to Reid.
Jackson had better realize if he isn't returning punts his value takes a huge hit because he certainly doesn't produce on the same level as Larry Fitzgerald, Andre Johnson or Reggie Wayne.
If he doesn't realize what Reid wants he can begin to count down his days in Philadelphia.
Looks like the kid on Little People, Big World
We need to make an assumption before we move on: The Philadelphia Eagles will sign Stewart Bradley as a restricted free agent.
Regardless of the contract, this could be Bradley's final year with the Birds if he continues to show adverse effects from his ACL injury in 2009.
Everyone from well-respected analysts to couch potatoes in the Delaware Valley notice Bradley wasn't the same last year. Maybe he slowed down because of the concussion he suffered in week one against the Packers, but the more likely culprit was the previously mentioned injury.
His poor play last year has led people to wonder if Bradley will move to a different position on defense or if he will spend more time on the bench instead of the field.
The reality of the situation is Reid doesn't see much value in the linebacker position. He routinely passes up on marque linebacker free agents, avoids drafting them in the first two rounds, and has no problem parting ways with them.
In 2008 Bradley was the sexy name around the NFL as the next up and coming linebacker.
In 2011 he may be the player where people around the NFL say, "I can't believe he's out of the league."
He can make a ton of money if Reid changes his ways.
The keys to the franchise are in Michael Vick's hands. The problem is his future is in Andy Reid's.
Vick is currently signed to a one-year deal worth $15.9 million. To earn his next pay check he will be asked to throw the ball a ton thanks to Reid's unbalanced offense.
Asking a quarterback with a 55.3 completion percentage to throw the ball in a pass-oriented offense may be the perfect formula for disaster.
And if it happens the fans can't act like they haven't seen this before.
Didn't Reid try to make an inaccurate Donovan McNabb try to air it out a little too often? It was a classic example of a coach not putting his player in the best position to succeed.
So what makes us think Reid won't do the same thing to Vick?
And if he does it Vick could lose a ton of money in the process. He certainly won't be out the league, but losing out on a couple mill is enough to say Vick has a lot to lose in 2011.
Like any Seinfeld episode everything comes full circle.
Andy Reid has coached teams with great offenses, defenses, quarterbacks, cornerbacks and everything else in between.
When is it time for someone to hold him accountable?
Yeah, we know if this team were in Detroit they would be the toast of the town.
This may be the year when Reid is actually held accountable for his press conference rants that include putting his players in better positions or doing a better job of whatever the Eagles screwed up during the game.
It would make sense to bring in a new coach, allow him to grow with a young team and show them the right way to win in the NFL.