Top 25 Worst Spouses in Sports

K BFeatured ColumnistJune 19, 2011

Top 25 Worst Spouses in Sports

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    I don't know if enough people realize this, but marriage is a big commitment.

    But more often than not, a man and a woman believe they have found their soul mate, leading to a lifelong commitment.

    Then one spouse realizes the other spouse is a psychotic, cheating, lying, scumbag.

    Somehow, it all unravels from there.

    These 25 spouses provide us with a blueprint on what not to do in marriage by cheating with 15-year-olds, busting out steak knives, and threatening to sleep with an entire organization.

    So I guess we should be thanking them for entertainment purposes at least.

    Now, I could list all the sick and twisted spouses out there. You know, the ones who represent the dark-and-depressing side of the human psyche.

    Instead, I am going to have a bit of fun and list some spouses who you probably haven't considered to be that terrible, but who have slowly killed their significant others with some tactics other than physical and psychological abuse.

    With no further adieu, I present to you the top 25 worst spouses in sports.

Dishonorable Mentions

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    I wanted to mix this slideshow up by including not-so-serious ones with very serious ones.

    Here are some more (alleged) crazies. Unfortunately, their actions were no laughing matter:

    Deidra Lane

    Daniell Harper

    Tina Eaton

    Mike Tyson

    Travis Henry

    Rae Carruth

No. 25: Donovan McNabb: Momma's Boy

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    It's not really Donovan's fault. It's his damn mother.

    Anytime Roxie McNabb wants to make a spectacular home-cooked meal, Mama McNabb always has to bust in and demand that everyone get a taste of her Chunky soup.

    McNabb would do something about it, but he is always on the couch, injured.

    All right, so I completely made this one up, but we need some humor in this slideshow. 

    Some of these are scary!

No. 24: Mark Cuban: Did You Wash Your Hands?

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    It all started with an innocent obsession.

    You know how some couples make out extravagant lists of people that, if they miraculously met a celebrity or someone of that nature, a spouse would respectfully let his/her significant other hook up with that person.

    Example: "OK, if you let me hook up with Zooey Deschanel, you can hook up with Brad Pitt." It's all for a good laugh.

    So when Cuban put down the Larry O'Brien Championship Trophy, I am sure his wife rolled her eyes and laughed. She would giggle when Cuban would goggle over it obsessively through the glass, and she would tease when he would get all fussy over the bad calls that cost him a night with the trophy.

    But then, a few days ago, the miracle happened. The Dallas Mavericks were victorious and Cuban got his one night with his shiny new trophy.

    Now Cuban is out of control. He carries her all over the place. Even the bathroom.

    Remember, Mark. You have a wife!

No. 23: Paul Pierce: The Truth--on the Court and off

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    Every man has been in that commonly talked-about situation where a woman asks how she looks in a certain outfit.

    Any man with common sense will tell her she looks beautiful, even if she might look like a raccoon with all of that eyeliner on.

    But if we go by his nickname, Paul Pierce always speaks the truth.

    Which means that guy is spending time on the couch like a homeless man.

    This is ironic, because he has the facial hair of one.

No. 22: Khloe Kardashian: Lamar's Career Ender

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    You know when Lamar Odom walks around like a zombie on the basketball court sometimes?

    You know how he checks out of games, kind of like he did in Game 4 against the Dallas Mavericks this year?

    I'm sure this situation occurs even more now. The daily grind of being married to Sasquatch has probably taken a major toll on Lamar.

    At first, I was worried about what kind of monster would sprout from these two mating.

    But then I thought about it, and it all makes sense.

    By some sort of time-travelling miracle, their son already exists.

    His name is Shelden Williams. Maybe you've heard of him.

    (I'm supposed to say something nice about Khloe after that mean-spirited description.....hmmm....uhhhh....she has a wonderful personality. Whew. My head almost exploded.)

No. 21: Gisele Bundchen: Brady's Manhood Taker

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    Gisele should be referred to as a mad scientist, because she has taken a grown man and turned him into a female.

    The Bieber haircut.

    The dancing in Rio.

    You have a hot wife, Tom, but at what cost? AT WHAT COST?!

    She is like a little girl who has taken a Ken doll and put Barbie's clothes on it, stripping away Ken's self-esteem and self-respect.

    It's gotten to be too much. Give the guy his manhood back, Gisele!

No. 20: The Big Three: The Rest of the World Wants a Divorce

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    Dwyane Wade: A messy divorce that leads to the ex-wife claiming you did some "things" in front of the children. Ouch.

    Chris Bosh: The man of the house is supposed to be the rock. He is supposed to keep the emotions in check when things might not be going swimmingly for a couple.

    So when Adrienne Williams saw her hubby collapsing in the hallway and crying like a little girl after Game 6 of the Finals, I am sure she had to be wondering what kind of man she married.

    LeBron: I can't delve into this subject that deeply, but let's just point to the fourth quarter "performances" of "big games."

    Uh, you know. He, like, can't ever finish. 

    This is awkward. I'll move on.

No. 19: Elin Nordegren: Leaving Tiger for No Reason

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    Did you guys hear about Nordegen losing it?

    She (allegedly) chased Tiger with a golf club!

    I mean, Tiger couldn't have possibly done anything that made that type of behavior acceptable, right?

    By the way, I just stumbled out of a cave I have been living in for about three years now and just saw this story about Tiger wrecking his vehicle. I haven't really looked over any more facts about the situation because I know Tiger.

    He is squeaky clean. This just had to be a simple misunderstanding. 

    I didn't miss any important details did I?

No. 18: Kim Mattingly: This Mugshot

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    Kim was arrested for public intoxication and disorderly conduct.

    So what was the reason she decided to hoot and holler outside of Don's house?

    He had her cellphone and she wanted it back.

    This moment had to be captured on Cops right? 

    This is textbook Cops.

No. 17: Ajok Kuag: Going High for the Slap

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    I don't know if I have ever wished there was a YouTube video of something more than this.

    Allegedly, Kuag threw a phone at her husband, Manute Bol, and landed a punch to his head.

    How is that possible?

    Did she get a running start, find a well-placed trampoline and then shoot out like a cannon at the former NBA forward? He is 7'7"!

No. 16: Brett Favre: You Have Mail

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    Showing the cash and prizes via cell phone can't be the most efficient way of winning over the heart of a blazingly-gorgeous female like Jenn Sterger.

    Like Adam Carolla joked on the George Lopez show the other night, men would be better off sending a steamy hot photo of themselves nurturing a week-old baby tiger or reaching the summit of Mt. Everest.

    Correct me if Adam and I are wrong on this, ladies. Would that get you more hot and bothered than a picture of a 40-year-old flaccid weiner?

    I don't consider myself a betting man, but I'd wager the boat that Mrs. Favre wasn't at all too pleased when she heard the news about this one.

No. 15: Jamie McCourt: Dodgers Killer

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    Honestly, I don't know which one is worse.

    They both are greedy imbeciles, driving the Dodgers into the ground.

    Jamie McCourt's affair with her driver, however, pretty much sparked the mess of who has ownership of the team.

    Jamie McCourt! Because of your infidelity and your husband's inability to use funds in an appropriate manner, the Los Angeles Dodgers are damn near close to being in financial ruin! What do you plan on doing next!

    I'm going to Disneyland!

No. 14: Sherrie Daly: Drug Cartel Runner

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    John Daly's ex-wife, and his fourth by the way, has just released a book titled Teed Off.

    In it, she reveals that her least favorite sponsor of John's was the Hooters girls, because of their boobs "flopping everywhere."

    She also mentioned that one lady on a mystical 16th hole would give oral sex to anyone who paid $300 dollars for it. Apparently, even her banker was aware of these shenanigans.

    Did I mention that Sherrie Daly went to prison for five months for a "drug ring and an illegal gambling operation?"

    So she is definitely trustworthy.

    Believe me. I know Daly is no angel. But he makes me laugh, so I'm picking Sherrie as the worse of two evils. 

No. 13: Jean Strahan: Garage Sale Runner

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    Jean claimed that Michael was cheating on her.

    She also claimed that he was deciding to "live an alternative lifestyle" after moving in with a male roommate. In 2007, she claimed that she meant that alternative lifestyle meant clubbing.

    But even despite that, in 2007, Jean decided to sell many of Michael's belongings via a yard sale.

    That is a totally a see-you-next-Tuesday kind of move.

    I'll be honest, though. I am fairly bitter about this one because I didn't hear about the yard sale until just now.

    If I had known about it when it happened, I would have been all over Strahan's belongings: $300 dresses for $20!!!

    Oh my God!!!!!

No. 12: Jackie Christie: Keeping Family Jewels in a Jar

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    Here is an excerpt from a New York Times article about Doug and his wife Jackie having hand signals for each other during every basketball game Christie played in:

    "With few exceptions, Doug Christie does not look at other women, avoiding dialogue or even eye contact."

    ''Every conversation I've ever had with a woman since we've been married besides my wife she knows about,' he said. 'She's been there. But what are we talking about? Banking? Mortgage? Other than that, I don't have anything to say to anybody. It's taking up my time and my time is limited to basketball and my family.'''

    That is some spine-tingling stuff gents. 

    She is so crazy that I almost believed this spoof story about her refusing to let a female doctor stop him from choking.

No. 11: Anna Benson: Picture Tells It All

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    On the Howard Stern show, a nationally syndicated radio broadcast, Benson loudly declared that if she ever caught her then husband Kris cheating on her, she would retaliate by sleeping with the entire New York Mets organization.

    Now, I am sure she was joking.

    But making a joke about potentially sleeping with the 80-year-old who is in charge of taking care of the team's laundry seems a bit too far.

    Also, I'm not sure what this photograph is supposed to signify. But what I do know is that it scares the hell out of me. She has those crazy eyes, I'm telling you!

No. 10: Wayne Rooney: Man Who Likes to Share and Share...

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    When a man's wife is pregnant, some guys (understandably) get a little scared.

    Maybe it's the late-night pizza and ice cream runs at the local grocery store.

    Or the throwing up and mood swings that may drive a man to sit in his car for 30 minutes before he goes inside, not wanting to deal with the monster living in his house.

    But a line that few men cross is having relations with a hooker who has admitted to having foursomes with a teammate, as well as affairs with a judge, a politician, and a senior police officer.

    Not cool, man. Not cool.

    So when they're talking about foursomes, they mean a relaxing game of tennis, yes?

    (Just to clarify, I would be 1,000 times worse than any woman who gets pregnant. If I had a human growing inside of me, making me feel like hell 24/7, I would do much worse things than yell and cry all the time.)

No. 9: Kobe Bryant: Friend of Jacob the Jeweller

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    Of course we can point to the shenanigans that went down in Colorado

    Or the alleged affair with former Lakers girl Vanessa Curry.

    But really, even if that stuff didn't exist, I'd assume he isn't nice to his wife since...well...

    He's just kind of a dick to everyone. What?

    Who's with me?

No. 8: Ryan Griggs: Descendant of Cain

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    You thought the six-month romp with Imogen Thomas was bad?

    Griggs has been accused of having an eight-year affair with his brother's wife, Natasha.

    He was even allegedly seeing her while his wife was pregnant.

    The family reunion is going to be so awkward this year.

No. 7: Joumana Kidd: I Hated the Movie Jumanji

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    Jason Kidd claimed in court papers that Joumana had their eight-year-old son T.J. sneak into his locker room and take his cell phone so she could check the numbers on it.

    He also claimed that she was physically abusive and manipulative, saying that he was afraid to do anything because she would call the police and make up stories of domestic abuse.

    Finally, she would also lay on top or in front of his car if he was trying to go anywhere.

    Yikes, lady.

No. 6: Tawny Kitaen: Here I Go Again, on My Own, with a Heel

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    Sheesh. Look at that monster.

    Big trees fall hard.

    This former White Snake video vixen was once married to former major-league pitcher Chuck Finley.

    Apparently, during a disagreement while Chuck was at the wheel, Kitaen decided it was a good time to attack him with her high heel.

    She also slammed her foot down on the gas pedal.

    Weeeeeeee!!!!!

No. 5: Roger Clemens: Man with Muscular Thumb

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    There is the alleged affair with Mindy McGready. Clemens sued for defamation; McGready claimed that although the relationship did begin at 15, it didn't become sexual until several years later.

    Clemens also had an alleged affair with Paulette Dean Daly.

    And then there is the whole steroid thing.

    But Debbie Clemens can't really say anything about that because she took steroids herself.

    What is wrong with these people?

No. 4: Michi Nogami-Marshall: I Will Cut You

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    There is "I'll stalk you outside your window" crazy.

    Then there is "I will sell your things on my front yard" crazy.

    And then there is "I will stab you with a knife crazy."

    Michi Nogami-Marshall has staked a solid claim on the third option.

    She claimed self-defense, and Brandon Marshall isn't the best citizen in the world, so there is probably truth to the self-defense claim.

    But still, grabbing a knife is taking it to extremes.

    I just hope Rocky the Mountain Lion didn't have anything to do with this. I hear he is kind of a slut.

No. 3: Jeni Lee Dinkel: He Looked at Least 16!

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    Tom Dinkel is most known for being a Bengals linebacker from 1978 to 1985.

    Now imagine getting a call about an alleged affair your wife is having.

    Pretty bad, right?

    Not as bad as finding out your wife had an affair with a 15-year-old.

    That is some news you have to drive around for an hour or 20 to deal with.

No. 2: Joel Monaghan: No Words...Simply No Words

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    OK, so technically the former Canberra Raider isn't married.

    But this is way too f'ed up to pass up.

    In this day and age, star athletes are prone to cheat. With the amount of tail (sorry) thrown their way, it's no wonder these guys have about a dozen ringers and mistresses.

    Discovering a lewd text message, a flirty email, or even walking in on your significant other getting their bang for their buck has to be a traumatic experience for anyone.

    So just imagine being Monaghan's girlfriend, innocently scanning the computer for a juicy gossip story, like women are so inclined to do, and seeing her man do something so mind-blowing awful (no pun intended),...

    I won't link to it, but you find it if you google his name and the site buzzfeed.com.

    That's all I am saying: **VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED. NO, SERIOUSLY, REALLY MESSED UP**

    I have no idea what it would be like to witness something to this degree, but I am guessing that I might react in a manner that leads to incoherent speech, a few broken household items, and hell, maybe even a burned down house.

No. 1: Carlita Hodges: What Is That You Are Pouring on Me?

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    Remember when I mentioned the level of crazy when you decide to stab your husband?

    Well, Carlita Hodges decided to take that little number a bit further by dousing her husband, a former Chicago Bulls guard, with gasoline and trying to THROW LIGHTED MATCHES AT HIM.