MLB: The Most Abominable Fashion Error in Every Team's History

Jeffrey BeckmannCorrespondent IJune 13, 2011

MLB: The Most Abominable Fashion Error in Every Team's History

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    In MLB, just like in every other sport, players want attention. Some players will even take drastic measures in order to get that attention.

    The same goes for the individual franchises. Owners will use marketing ploys and change jerseys in order to create a new atmosphere at the ballpark.

    This is normal—for the most part—until we have time to dwell on the occurrences and look back at what used to be.

    One thing is clear: Fashion is not timeless—at least not in these cases. 

Arizona Diamondbacks: The Mullet

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    Randy Johnson made two different stops in the desert over his 22 seasons in MLB—bringing his mullet with him on both occasions.

    Johnson is one of the best pitchers the game has ever seen. Aside from his pitching, I don't know if he was noticed more for his lengthy 6'10" frame or the disgusting mop that sat behind his head.

    The Big Unit spent eight total seasons with the Arizona Diamondbacks, where he won four straight Cy Young awards and led them to a World Series title in 2001.  

Atlanta Braves: The Hungarian Goes Mad

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    Anyone nicknamed "The Mad Hungarian" is probably not someone I should include on this list out of fear that he may take out me, my family and even my dog.

    Al Hrabosky's long hair and thick, uneven Fu Manchu enhanced his maniacal and menacing appearance. The fans always loved his antics while opposing players despised them.

    Although the look was great for his intimidation factor, it is not something that should ever, ever be done again. 

Baltimore Orioles: Hunting for an Identity

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    Maybe the whole blaze orange theme served the Baltimore Orioles well during the 1971 season—where they won the AL Pennant in what was the heart of their glory years.

    Although the current Orioles' squad has sported these retro jerseys on a few occasions, this is one throwback jersey that should simply be thrown out.

Boston Red Sox: A Caveman With.... Highlights?

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    After spending numerous hours analyzing this photo, it has been confirmed by my wife that Johnny Damon indeed had highlights put into his beautiful flow.

    When the "It's so easy a caveman can do it" slogan came about, I had no idea it was referring to being pretty on the baseball field.

    What is it with Boston athletes and their hair? First Damon and now Tom Brady? 

Chicago Cubs: Cubbies Go Powder Blue?

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    The greatest thing about the Cubs' current uniforms is that they are seemingly timeless—and we can only hope they don't go back to this powder blue mess any time in the near future.

    Most people don't realize that the Cubs were one of the first teams to go with the powder blue look back in the Ron Santo era. At that point, however, they were solid uniforms—much better than the pinstriped jersey Dave Kingman is sporting in this picture.

    Unfortunately, many teams were to follow with this hideous look.

Chicago White Sox: Players Want to Show Some Skin

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    The 1976 Chicago White Sox did something no baseball player had ever done or ever will do again—they wore shorts during a game.

    I can't wait for the throwback game that will see Paul Konerko and Adam Dunn sporting these sassy cutoffs. 

    I would say that the shorts wouldn't have been so bad if they weren't hiking up their socks and crossing their legs in the dugout, but there is really no way to defend this look.

    Even though it was only worn for one game, it is by far the worst (and most embarrassing) uniform in MLB history. 

Cincinnati Reds: Bowl Cut and Low Cut

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    I don't know what's worse: Pete Rose's bowl cut or the fact that I own the same exact underwear that he is sporting in this picture?

    The bowl cut was a true sign of the times, and the career hits leader wore it with pride. It is safe to say that this is a look we will never see again. 

Cleveland Indians: Taking a Gamble

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    It's hard to knock on Oscar Gamble for his afro (which I think looks pretty cool, myself), but when you have to wear a hat on a daily basis, it can look pretty goofy flaring out the sides.

    Gamble and his afro were well-traveled, as he suited up for seven different teams over his 17 MLB seasons. 

    Coco Crisp is doing his best to carry on the tradition, but nobody can pull off the afro quite like Oscar Gamble.

Colorado Rockies: Despicable Dinger

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    I was going to give the award to Jason Giambi and his disgusting Fu Manchu, but the Rockies mascot deserves this distinction.

    The mascot, named "Dinger," looks like the offspring of a drunken one-night stand between Barney and the little Triceratops from The Land Before Time.

    Please, please, put Dinger out of his misery—and ours.

Detroit Tigers: Dmitri's Nest

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    I don't even know how to describe this look. Scary? Shocking?

    Dmitri Young, who is apparently nicknamed "Da Meat Hook," looks more like a puffer-fish than he does a baseball player.

    The hair seemed to work for him though, as he enjoyed the best five seasons of his career in Detroit while sporting that mess.

Florida Marlins: The Blinding Sea of Green

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    I challenge everyone to stare at this picture for 30 seconds straight.

    See, it's impossible. The blinding sea of green is too much for the human eye to handle.

    The Marlins used this jersey as their alternate during their inaugural 1993 season. Rumor has it that thousands of fans were blinded when the Marlins wore these jerseys—explaining why no one has gone to a Marlins game since. 

Houston Astros: Jerseys Belong in Outer-Space

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    It appears that the Astros' players weren't the only one's dropping acid in the 70s, as whoever put this sad excuse for a jersey together was definitely tripping on something.

    They basically made stripes out of four puke-like colors, threw an abnormally large star on the side and an overblown number on the leg.

    Everything about this uniform screams wrong. 

Kansas City Royals: A Royal Disaster

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    I tried to keep the "Turn Ahead the Clock" jerseys off this list entirely, as it was really just a marketing ploy gone wrong for MLB.

    The Royals, however, probably had the ugliest of the bunch. I can handle the bright yellow jersey, but making it look like a basketball jersey with a light blue shirt underneath ruined any respectability.

    Don't even get me started on the gold helmet.

Los Angeles Angels: The Sweat Band

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    This was a phase I never really understood in baseball.

    Why wear a sweat band in a sport that requires very minimal movement? Furthermore, why wear a sweat band in a sport that requires you to wear a hat in the field?

    In Rod Carew's defense, he wasn't the only player to go along with this ridiculous fad. He was just the only player I could find a picture of while wearing one.

Los Angeles Dodgers: Mannywood

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    Talk about a hurting franchise. 

    Only in Los Angeles can a marketing ploy of this magnitude take place. The whole idea of selling dreadlocks to fans seems absurd.

    Between PED suspensions and injuries, Manny's time in Hollywood was short-lived, and he was unable to resuscitate the struggling franchise.

Milwaukee Brewers: Gorman's Colossal Mistake

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    Gorman Thomas was an important member of the "Harvey's Wallbangers" era in Milwaukee, but his mugshot looks more like something seen on America's Most Wanted.

    Thomas hit 175 homers for the Brewers from 1978-82, so it appears he scared opposing pitchers as much as he scared the local fans.

Minnesota Twins: Twins Go with "M" on Cap

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    The Minnesota Twins have never gone too crazy with their uniforms. Maybe that's due to the simpleness generally found throughout the Midwest. 

    The one blunder the franchise made was getting rid of the T.C. on their ball caps and replacing it with a boring underlined "M" in 1987. That would be like the New York Yankees switching their hat logo from N.Y. to a plain "N."

    It should have never happened.

New York Mets: Putz Has Too Much Soul

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    If you want to sport a soul patch on your chin, that's fine. But when your soul patch is the exact color of the Mets' hat logo you are wearing it becomes an issue. 

    J.J. Putz only played in New York for one uneventful season—where he received an "A" for team spirit but an "F" for fashion sense.

New York Yankees: Duck, Duck, Goose

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    Goose Gossage spent seven seasons with the New York Yankees establishing himself as one of the premier closers in the game.

    Although Gossage still sports the Fu Manchu to this day, the way it came about is rather clever.

    "The Boss," George Steinbrenner, put in a no-beard policy for the Yankees. In response to this rule, Gossage shaved his beard while leaving the extra long mustache in place.

    While Gossage actually pulls off the Fu Manchu without looking like a creep, the style still has no business in MLB or even the world, for that matter.

Oakland Athletics: The Handle-Bar Mustache

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    How can the most iconic display of facial hair the world has ever seen make it on this list? Simply put—it is silly and looks awful!

    Rollie Fingers was one of the first dominant relief pitchers in MLB—winning a Cy Young award and an MVP as a closer for the Milwaukee Brewers.

    The handle-bar mustache goes along with the aura that surrounded Rollie Fingers, and whenever he passes, it should go to the MLB Hall of Fame (kidding...). Either way, it was still ridiculous.

Philadelphia Phillies: The Mullet, Part Deux

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    No offense to West Virginian's, but it is no surprise that that is where John Kruk called home before getting drafted by the San Diego Padres in 1981.

    I think his mullet was even worse than the aforementioned Randy Johnson's—but at least the red in the Phillies uniforms matched the red on his neck.

    At this point, we should all be thankful that we don't have to stare at Kruk's mullet while watching Baseball Tonight.

Pittsburgh Pirates: The Yellow Mess (Is That a Stripped Hat?)

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    The Pittsburgh Pirates franchise has put together some of the worst uniforms the league has ever seen. I would argue that none have been worse than the variations worn throughout the 1970s.

    To me, the worst thing about the uniforms are the hats. I mean, seriously, flat-topped hats? And stripped?

    These uniforms—along with the Houston Astros' psychedelic uniforms of the 70s—are by far the worst routinely worn jersey's in MLB history. 

San Diego Padres: Mustard Yellow and Dark Brown?

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    I was going to go with the all-mustard yellow jerseys the San Diego Padres used to wear, but to me, the mixing in of dark brown makes the look even worse.

    The 1970s proved to be a rough time for most MLB teams selecting uniform colors—as both colors in the Padres uniforms during that time were atrocious.

    This uniform is proof to elementary school teachers that two negatives do not always equal a positive.

San Francisco Giants: Barry Bonds Goes Drag

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    Oh, Barry.

    This incident came back to me while I was watching The Hangover II a few nights ago (Don't worry, I won't spoil it). Either way, there is something troublesome about a man in drag. 

    I know Bonds did this light-heartedly for his teammates, but this picture will probably haunt me (and all of you) for years to come.

Seattle Mariners: The Yellow "S"

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    The Seattle Mariners have always had "decent" uniforms—at least good enough to hold off on any complaints.

    The one ugly mistake they made was the bright yellow "S" on their ball caps during the late 80s and early 90s. Not only was it plain yellow, it also lacked any real design and probably took less time to put together than it took me to write this slide. 

St. Louis Cardinals: Scott Spiezio's Red... Beard?

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    Another team spirit award—this time to Scott Spiezio, formerly of the St. Louis Cardinals.

    We've already discussed the soul patch. It is what it is—but at least J.J. Putz was a natural red beard. Spiezio went to great lengths to not only grow it out but then to dye it red? Really?

    At least he helped the Cards' win a World Series title. The fans may have forgiven him for this look but I, for one, have not. 

Tampa Bay Rays: The Original Devil Rays Jersey

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    Is it me or has every expansion team in the last 20 years had hideous jerseys? The Devil Rays first uniform is surely no exception.

    It saddens me that one of my favorite players growing up—Fred McGriff—was photographed wearing this jersey. It is even more sad that Wade Boggs collected his 3,000th hit while wearing this neon-colored disaster.

Texas Rangers: Stan Is Not the Man

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    I would have gone with John Wetteland's sweat-stained hat, but I don't want to mess with a man's superstitions.

    Don Stanhouse's "popped collar" takes the cake here, to go along with his bushy mustache and curly flow.

    Why he was wearing a collared shirt underneath his jersey, we will never know. It is safe to say Stanhouse was not able to pull off the look.

Toronto Blue Jays: Dustin McGowan Sports a 5-Wood on His Face

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    Kid's these days. 

    Dustin McGowan looks like a 15-year-old just hitting puberty who is ignoring his mother's insistence that he shave.

    What is the point of this patch-like "shave," and why would someone willingly make themselves look like this?  

Washington Nationals: Bryce Harper Due for a Wake Up Call

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    Yes, I could have gone with the old Montreal Expos uniforms of the 1980s, but to me, the tribal-like face paint of Bryce Harper is much more disturbing.

    I know Harper has yet to play for the Washington Nationals, and he uses less eye-black now than he used to, but it is ridiculous none the less.

    He looks cocky, arrogant and just plain stupid.