WWE Monday Night Raw Live Journal and Observations 6/6/11

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WWE Monday Night Raw Live Journal and Observations 6/6/11
Last night's Raw was the Stone Cold Steve Austin Show.

Greetings everyone!  It’s that time of the week again.  Monday Night Raw is live from Richmond, Virginia.  Tonight, R Truth has to apologize to get his title shot, Cena should have to apologize for his rapping, and the Tough Enough winner is selected.  Before we get started, I have some thoughts about this season of Tough Enough.

1.  Andy was all business from the start and deserves to win.  This would send the message that wrestling is a business and needs to be taken seriously in order to succeed.
2.  Even if Martin had stayed healthy, I think the final would have been between Luke and Andy.  Martin just didn't have the "it" factor.
3.  Stone Cold is an awesome reality show host.  If Trump opts out of hosting Celebrity Apprentice, Austin should fill in.  Or host the Bachelorette.  Either one would be hilarious.
4.  The weekly challenges were decent, but the in-ring stuff is what I enjoyed the most.  I'd like to see the weekly guests get more involved in training like the Rock did when he was there.

8:00:  Raw officially begins with Vince saying that Raw has officially begun.  So there it is.  Luke and Andy are being grilled by the Chairman himself.

8:01:  Stone Cold makes his decision.  Andy wins TE.  The right choice.  Hope he doesn't flame out a la Maven.

8:02:  Vince welcomes Andy to WWE with a smack to the face. Stone Cold Stunner imminent.

8:03:  Stunner to Andy.  Austin calls him an S.O.B.  Classic.

8:04:  Beer being lobbed into the ring like grenades in Call of Duty.  If Austin gives Vince a beer, I will run down the street nude in protest.

8:05:  R Truth (or Ron Killings as I prefer to call him) interrupts and comes out to patriotic music. He is dressed as confederate soldier. Yep, this is happening.

8:06:  Truth is singing about little Jimmy.  Austin looks like he's about to laugh.  Replay of last week's events in the crowd.  Milk duds dad lives again.

8:07:  Truth is talking in a slave-y dialect.  This is racist.

8:07:  He's dancing now.  This is more racist. 

8:08:  Austin calls Truth a jackass. Truth says he dressed in a confederate uniform on purpose.  Calls the crowd "inbred rednecks."  Stunner imminent.

8:09:  Truth disses the south.  Says they should "susseed.”  Being from Louisiana, if it gets us away from R Truth then I’m all for it.

8:10:  Truth says that being good "ain't got him diddly squat."  McMahon says that "R" is a silly name and asks him how he spells it.  Calls Truth a pirate.  This is just short of Shakespeare, folks.

8:11:  Stone Cold looks bored as hell as Truth tries to spell “conspiracy.”  I didn’t even use spell-check on that one.  You’re looking at the 5th grade spelling bee champion here.

8:12:  Miz's music hits. Thank God.

8:13:  Miz is talking on the mic and may just have saved the segment. Until Truth speaks again.

8:14:  Alex Riley's music hits.  Seriously, I'm confused.  Still waiting on a Stunner here.

8:15:  Cena’s rap hits.  He comes out as the belt is about to fall down around his ankles.  I think Stevie Wonder dresses him.  Segment sucks again.

8:16:  Cena calls Miz a "jackwagon." 

8:16:  Cena is trying to be sarcastic here. Sounds terrible. You’d think by now Creative would know what works and doesn’t work with him.

8:16:  GM chimes in. Cena exclaims, “Kentucky long rifle, what now?”  That’s better than last week’s “Rascal Flatts” I guess.  Cole begins to read and McMahon tells Cole to shut up in a vintage McMahon growl.  McMahon makes a tag match that consists of Cena and Riley vs. Miz and Truth.  Austin will be the guest referee.  Austin in the ring means that no one is leaving alive.

8:17:  Stone Cold mocks Cena with the “You Can’t See Me” hand thing.  Attitude-era stars must hate Cena with a passion.

8:20:  Back from commercial to Santino and Kozlov against Otunga and the other guy.  Santino calls timeout and screams. Santino is always entertaining, but he belongs in that “Doink the Clown” gimmick role.

8:22: Santino fakes the Cobra.  Probably one of the worst finishers of all-time.

8:25: Not Otunga gets near fall.  (I will refer to him as Not Otunga from now on because I can’t spell his last name.  I said “5th grade” spelling champion.)  This match should be on Superstars.

8:27:  I have seen Santino and Koslov team multiple times but have never actually seen Koslov wrestle.

8:28:  Santino imitating the Ultimate Warrior’s gorilla press taunt.  Better watch it or he might get into a Twitter war.

8:29:  Koslov is still wearing his sambo gi for some reason. Santino hits the Cobra and covers Not Otunga for the win.  Apparently this was a singles match.  Is it bad that I didn’t know that? 

8:31:  Kelly Kelly and Beth Phoenix out for tag match as we go to commercial.  Kelly has luxurious hair.  And everything else.  This is a tag match right?

8:34:  Recap of Kharma segment from last week.  I’m still upset by this whole predicament.  Look, being a mother is great but couldn’t she have gotten more established first?  It happened too quickly.  It was most likely an accident but still...

8:36:  Bella Twins come out dressed as slutty Jimi Hendrixes. I still haven’t decided if they’re hot enough to warrant seeing them in the ring every week.

Which brings up another question:  Is Beth Phoenix hot?  Sometimes she looks fantastic and other times looks like She-Hulk.  She’s good in the ring so I enjoy seeing her on television though.  Help me out on this please.

8:37:  Kelly doing some acrobatic moves on one of the Bellas. She looks better in the ring every week.  Both physically and, well, physically.

8:38:  All that screaming makes me mute the TV.  Beth Phoenix inexplicably falls down after executing an atomic drop.  Probably excited to be on national television.  Beth hits big move and covers for the win.  Fairly good match.  Especially since the Bellas didn't have much offense.

8:42:  WWE claims 30 million fans on Facebook.  I wonder what the number would have been fifteen years ago if Facebook was around.

8:42:  Booker T and Trish talking backstage.  Book wants to show Trish something and tells her to get on knees.  Interesting.  He starts to show her how to do the Spin-a-rooni.  Was that innuendo accidental or on purpose.  I refuse to believe that anyone in Creative is that clever.  Swagger interrupts and challenges Booker to a match.  Book accepts.

When these older guys get challenged to a match, isn’t it just a foregone conclusion that they are going to win?  Unless they’re recruited to play a heel, I don’t remember the last time one of them lost.

8:45:  CM Punk and Mason Ryan start down the ramp.  Ryan has a mic.  Punk thankfully takes it.  I say that CM Punk should be wired constantly like the NFL guys.

8:46:  Punk using big words.  Half the audience is lost.  Really wanting Ryan to say something that proves he's not a terminator from the future.

8:51:  Back to Rey Mysterio coming out now.  Punk is sitting in the ring.  He looks like he’s sitting in timeout.

8:54:  Punk now looks like he's on Demerol.  This match feels weird.

8:55:  The two stars trading arm and head locks.  Going to get a beer.

8:56:  This looks like a Cirq-d-Soliel routine.

8:56:  Rey hits Punk with a head scissors on the floor.  Mason Ryan is in stand-by mode. 

8:57:  Rey hits a flying leg drop but only gets a 2 count.  Punk hits a tae-kwon-do kick and then goes for GTS.  Mysterio blocks but ends up in tree of woe position. 

8:58:  As much as I like CM Punk, he looks like he's mailing it in tonight.  Probably a combination of being buried on the card and contract woes.

8:59:  Punk has Mysterio’s back and is going for a rear naked choke. Punk whispers to Rey and Rey suddenly comes back.  That’s weird.

9:00:  Punk going for Superplex. Rey fights off Punk then hits a flying shoulder block.  Both men are down.

9:01:  Rey rallies but Punk counters.  This match is going on too long.

9:02:  Rey sets up 619.  I hate this move.  The set-up is too obvious and blatant.

9:03:  Rey hits a big slash and wins. Punk hits head against mat in anger.  May have a concussion.

9:04:  On a lighter note, as I'm writing this my puppy decides to relieve himself on my shag carpet.  Time to pause TiVo.

9:05:  OK, I’m back.  R Truth in another Obama segment.  All I got out of it was that Truth says he doesn't like boats.  Where is Tosh when you need him?

9:06:  Cena threatens Riley backstage for some reason. 

9:07:  A commercial for the new Best of Monday Nitro DVD.  I’m excited for that actually.  Nitro really did have a superior product for a few years.  Think they'll come out with a TNA DVD after WWE buys them?

9:11:  Back to Alberto del Rio’s awesome entrance.  When's he gonna wrestle again?

9:12:  Alberto says everyone thinks he's a hit-and-run coward, but it was an accident.  Shows replay of accident.  Do we really need to see this again? 

9:13:  Del Rio is too handsome to wrestle.  Dude should be in a Mexican soap opera.  Calls out the Big Show so he can apologize to him.  Ricardo Rodriguez comes out dressed as Show on crutches.  Has a baseball glove for some reason.

9:15:  Ricardo’s tats suggest that he's a member of the Japanese Mafia.

9:16:  Cole is snorting into the mic. Not sure if that’s intentional or not.  Basically del Rio asks a question and midget Show yells.  That's about it.

9:17:  Alberto says that he's gonna hurt Show and that bad things happen to bad people.  Rep. Weiner’s women must all have been terrible.

9:19:  Kofi Kingston video package for some reason.  Tonight is weird.

9:24:  Dolph, Vickie, and OMG ZACK RYDER IS ON TELEVISION!  Broskis are setting things on fire right now.

9:25:  Dolph sits in on commentary.  He seems like an alright guy behind the scenes.

Speaking of that, here are the five current Superstars I’d like to have a beer with (and what beer we’d drink):

5.  Alberto del Rio:  I saw some interviews with him on YouTube and the guy really seems laid back.  Beer of choice:  Negro Modelo.
4.  The Undertaker:  Seems like a good-ol’-boy.  He's also a fellow MMA fan.  Beer of choice:  Coors Light.
3.  CM Punk:  No reason in particular; I just like him.  Beer of choice:  Pabst Blue Ribbon.  He seems kind of like a hipster.
2.  The Miz:  Have you ever seen him on talk shows?  I bet he’s a riot to go out drinking with.  Beer of choice:  Heineken.
1.  Randy Orton:  Probably the ultimate wing man.  Just stands there and looks handsome while I talk to all the women.  Beer of Choice:  Michelob Ultra.

9:26:  Ryder gives Kofi a wicked chest bump.  Ryder reminds me of a Guido Bradley Cooper.

9:27:  Ryder still in control.  Sure to not last long.

9:28:  Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise and wins.  That match was too quick. 

Question:  Is Kofi still supposed to be Jamaican?  He gave up the accent a long time ago.

9:30:  Booker T is next, Sucka!

9:33:  WWE says John Cena has 7 million Facebook fans because kids aren't embarrassed to be Cena fans yet.

9:34:  Miz vs. Riley at Capitol Punishment is announced. Shouldn’t this have just been assumed by now?

9:35:  Swagger in the ring.  Booker T comes out.  Gives me WCW flashbacks.

Occasionally, I think of the old WCW days.  Here are my Five favorites from back in the day...

5.  “Macho Man” Randy Savage:  I still remember his Last Man Standing match with DDP at Halloween Havoc to this day.  He truly was one of the all-time great personalities.
4.  Sting:  WCW teased his return for what seemed like a year.  His return match with Hollywood Hogan at Starrcade was probably one of the greatest WCW matches in history.
3.  Goldberg:  Dude was a physical specimen.  His run was incredible.  After losing his invincibility he was never the same, though.
2.  Hollywood Hogan:  When he turned heel I thought there would be a serious riot.  That heel turn should be taught at every wrestling school in the country.
1.  The Outsiders:  Yes, I am aware that this is two people.  But Scott Hall and Kevin Nash really couldn’t exist without one another.  They initiated what would be known as the Monday Night Wars and turned WCW into a major player.

9:36:  Booker could probably go another few years. He looks great.

9:37:  Swagger clotheslines Booker to the outside of the ring.  Book kicks out of near fall.  I like that WWE is getting the older guys involved but it seems like they're leaning on them instead of pushing the younger guys.

9:39:  Swagger gets himself counted out as Evan Bourne attacks from behind. 

9:40:  Booker hits the Scissor Kick, and then Bourne hits his finisher.  Bourne reminds me of Mysterio circa 1998, only slightly less Mexican.

9:41:  Dual Spin-a-roonis from Book and Bourne.  Booker T looks like the Predator from behind.

9:43:  Another “That's What I Am” promo.  Still have no desire to see Randy Orton act. Ever.

9:46:  Austin’s music hits and he comes down ramp to referee the main event.  Kind of tired of watching him ref.

He needs to get back in the ring at some point.  These guys would make good opponents for him:

5.  Jack Swagger:  A good heel with good in-ring ability.  Could argue that he’s more “American” than Austin.
4.  Alberto del Rio:  He could make a rivalry with a dishwasher interesting.
3.  Randy Orton:  Legend vs. the Legend Killer.  Could easily go heel again.
2.  The Miz:  Could really put Miz on another level.  Would be worlds better than feuding with Jerry Lawler.
1.  CM Punk:  Straight Edge vs. the Rattlesnake.  Punk has the chops to carry this one into the stratosphere.  Austin and Punk play into each other perfectly.

9:47:  Miz, and then Truth come out. Truth still has no music.  I put the over/under on Truth getting music at the Pay-Per-View.   

9:49:  Riley heads to ring, followed by Fruity Pebbles. 

Cena’s pops are getting less intense by the week.  Creative needs to do something with him.  I can't think of anyone who's been this polarizing on accident since I started watching wrestling.  He's turning older fans like me into haters of the entire product.  It probably wouldn’t be so bad if he wasn't in every main event. If TNA wasn't so screwed up from the inside I would probably switch. 

9:54:  Back to main event with Miz and Cena starting the match.  Gives me flashbacks to their terrible WrestleMania main event.  I probably would not have bought ‘Mania if the Rock wasn’t there.

9:55:  Austin is standing in the corner watching.  Looks like he’s going to start texting in a minute.

9:56:  Cena gets tagged in and Truth runs away.  Not because Truth is scared, but because John Cena is Superman.

9:57:  Odds on who will receive a stunner tonight:

Truth 2/1
Miz 4/1
Riley 10/1
Cena 5000/1

9:59:  Back to Miz choking Riley.  They must see the same hair stylist.

10:00:  Austin pulls Miz off Riley after counting to five in the corner. Miz yells at Austin.  Miz’s Stunner odds just went to 3/1.

10:02:  Truth is in control and kids are chanting for Riley.  Cena and Miz are both tagged in and Cena starts the “5 Moves of Death.”

10:03:  Cena gets the STF but Miz gets to the ropes.  Truth brings the chair but Cena’s spider sense saves him.  Riley has a briefcase and hits the Miz on the forearm.

10:04:  Stone Cold hits the Stunner on the Miz and Cena hits the AA.  Austin raises Cena's hand.  I just threw up.

10:05:  Austin throws beer to Riley and Cena.  Cena’s is actually filled with Juicy Juice.

10:06:  The GM chimes in, claiming the referee interfered and that Cena/Riley have been DQ’d.  The GM then tells Austin he's the GM next week for the 3-hour Raw.  So, the reward for ruining a match is that the GM powers next week?  That makes no sense.

10:07:  Austin trashes the GM station and decks Cole.  It was time to upgrade that old MacBook anyway.  Austin gives Cole a beer bath and a Stunner.  Cena gives Cole an AA.  It's like watching 80‘s Stallone partner with Barney the Dinosaur.

10:08:  More beer thrown in the ring.  Stone Cold calls Cole a bastard.  How much beer does he go through in a night?  I’m buying stock in whoever owns Keystone Light.

10:10:  Well, that's all she wrote.  Or tried to write, in Creative's case.

Another Monday, another weird show.  Other than the accidental racist Truth segment and Booker T innuendo, the highlight was the Tough Enough elimination.  Congratulations to Andy for winning.  He deserves it.  Luke needs to hit the gym and get some humility before getting his shot.

I’ll be out of town this weekend through Tuesday, so the next Journal will be next Friday for SmackDown.  Feel free to keep the discussion going by commenting below or hitting me up on Twitter (@codymusgrove).  Peace!

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