Things I Want to Steal from WWE for My Everyday Life
There was a comedian who won one of the “Last Comic Standing” competitions a while ago who had a bit where he talked about how he loved golf and that he wanted to steal the caddy idea from golf and use a caddy to make all of his important life decisions. It was pretty funny and it got me thinking about ideas I would like to steal from the WWE.
I’m not a very good public speaker and am not shy about admitting it. Therefore, if I have a particularly important presentation to give, it would be much easier to let my extremely charismatic manager do my talking for me. This would act doubly well because if I don’t actually know what the hell I’m talking about in my presentation, I could just hire a skinny blonde-haired girl with big boobs as my manager and no one would give a crap what she was saying anyway.
A Boss Who I Can Beat the Crap out of Without Getting Fired
This is pretty self-explanatory...
What better way to take the focus off the fact that some blonde-haired chic with big boobs that no one in the office has ever seen before is giving my presentation than to enter the meeting with some ballin-ass music pumping. Maybe I could stand up on a chair and flex my muscles or throw a hat to one of our clients who’s sitting at the table.
A Sweet Catch Phrase
Very few people outside of wrestling have pulled off the catch phrase. "You are the weakest link." "You’re fired." "Winning." It’s not easy. Not to mention the fact that,if you’re not famous, it’s nearly impossible to come up with a catch phrase and not sound like a total jackass. My first attempt: "There’s only one way to find out." Let’s see if it catches on.
Why shouldn’t I be able to stand up on a table in the middle of the office and call out one of my co-workers for watching porn or for eating all the donuts in the break room? That jabroni has it coming. If he has a problem with it, he can come at me and we can settle it like men: a two-out-of-three-falls rock-paper-scissors match.
I could also use the time to tell everyone why I deserve a raise and that everyone else sucks. This would be a perfect time to work in my entrance music as well.