Red Shoe Divas for the Week of May 29th, 2011

Jordan ClarkeContributor IIIJune 6, 2011

Red Shoe Divas for the Week of May 29th, 2011

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    Guys, you know her. We've all dated her. The Red Shoe Diva. You know the woman who wears red shoes for attention, excitement and the need to be needed. Red Shoe Divas are fully confident, egotistical, always right, take themselves to seriously and honestly, need to be knocked down a peg.

    Well, divas aren't all women. In fact, most guys in the world of sports have an inner Red Shoe Diva just lurking beyond the surface. This installment lists the top five divas from the week that was May 29th, 2011.

Steve Spurrier

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    Now truth be told, I'm an SEC guy. I like Steve Spurrier, one of the best college football coaches of all time. They should erect a statue of the "Ol Ball Coach" at Duke, Florida and South Carolina for turning these once sadsack programs into BCS modern day touchdown universities.

    Well, maybe not Duke.

    If you have ever watched Steve's mannerisms on the sideline, you would know that he his about as stable as a fart in a hurricane during games. This alone would qualify him for diva status. BUT...

    ...Spurrier this week though did the unthinkable. He actually suggested that players be paid. Not with salt, like most other SEC Roman Legions of oversigned players, but with actual money.Three hundred dollars per game to be exact. Six sold pints of blood for the average college student. At this week's SEC Meetings in Destin, FL, Steve broke it down for the common man:

    "A bunch of us coaches felt so strongly about it we would be willing to pay 70 guys 300 bucks a game, That's only $21,000 a game. I doubt it will get passed, but as the coaches in the SEC we make all the money as do the universities with television [deals]. And we need to give more to our players. That was something we need to get out there."

    Steve, are you really serious or is the guilt from your $2.8 million salary getting to you? Slight problem one: Title IX. Slight problem two: Ray Tanner, who actually won a national title with the USC baseball team last year, is making just over $510,000. Ray and other coaches at USC won't be paying players money, because they can't afford it.

    I'm fully convinced if you started paying players, George Rogers and Steve Tanneyhill would be lining up at your door for veterans pay. Last weeks' non-sense in Destin leads me to believe that the SEC is on the brink of succession from the BCS. You know it's been 150 years since Fort Sumter...

Brian Sabean

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    This week marked the introduction to Brian Sabean for those of us who don't live in San Francisco. I don't know about you, but when I go to a ballgame and sit in my overpriced seat, with an overpriced beer and an overpriced box of nachos, I'm looking to be entertained by players—not the GM.

    Sabean though, in actions that could only be deemed diva worthy, led a round of threats against Scott Cousins of the Marlins for his plate hit that put Giants catcher Buster Posey out for the year. Sabean's "Hey, look at me", "I'm the star of the show" grandstanding was put on display for the whole world to see this past week when being interviewed by KNBR of San Francisco:

    "He chose to be a hero in my mind, and if that's his flash of fame, that's as good as it's going to get, pal. We'll have a long memory. Believe me, we've talked to (former catcher Mike) Matheny about how this game works. You can't be that out-and-out overly aggressive. I'll put it as politically as I can state it: There's no love lost and there shouldn't be."

    When Cincinnati Reds great Johnny Bench, one of the greatest red shoe divas of all time, calls your catcher out on the lack of fundamentals of the position, all commentary on right and wrong from a GM should be closed.  

    Sabean you've had you're 15 minutes of fame. Now someone pass me a Snickers. I'm hearing Aretha Franklin in the back of my car.

Richard Childress

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    Those of us who keep up with NASCAR are aware that they have recently introduced a "Boys, have at it" doctrine". After Saturday night's truck race at Kansas, Kyle Busch may be wearing a helmet full time away from the car.

    It seems that Childress, the 65 year-old team owner, most famous for winning six-stock car championships with the late Dale Earnhardt decided to do what many fans of NASCAR want to do: Kick Kyle Busch's ass.

    According to media reports, Childress was taken aback when Busch bumped into one of his drivers, Joey Coulter on the cool-down lap after the two drivers battled for position during the latter stages of the race.

    Childress, in a move fitting of an old school gangster, channeled his inner Nolan Ryan, went down to the garage area, put Busch in a headlock and gave him multiple nuggies before they were separated.

    Childress reportedly clicked his heels three times before wrapping Busch up.

Patrice Bergeron

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    Why Bergeron? A quick refresher from Game 1of the Vancover vs. Boston Stanley Cup Finals. At the end of the first period, Bergeron and Alex Burrows got unto a little scrum, not uncommon at this time of the year. What was uncommon was Burrows deciding, literally to exact some flesh from Boston's center during the middle of the fight. Replays of the incident clearly show Burrows latching on to Bergeron like he was looking for a role in the new season of Trueblood.

    Bergeron took the classy route deciding to let the NHL take care of justice by actually suspending Burrows. Problem is they didn't suspend Burrows, they rewarded him by letting him play. Burrows got three points, including an overtime goal in game two, to put the Bruins in a 0-2 hole in the Stanley Cup Finals.

    Bergeron and the Bruins need to get dirty and they need to get dirty fast if they plan on bringing the cup home to Boston for the first time since 72. Besides, Boston's mascot is a bear and bears are supposed to chomp Canucks. Hockey world Patrice is expecting nothing less than you throwing down the gloves and enforcing ala Joe Thornton on Monday night.

The Ohio State University

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    The top Red Shoe Diva award for this week goes to The Ohio State University. From the Memorial Day announcement of Jim Tressel's resigning, to Ray Small's public confession of alleged misdeeds of the program, to Terrelle Pryor's failure to pay car insurance, to the athletic department and administrations' failure to ensure institutional control, this has been the week of hell.

    The players hate each other, cars are getting repossessed, Gordon Gee, the president of the university, has a limp bowtie and I've seen Chris Spielman on assignment more this past week than Anderson Cooper. Did I mention prospective coaches are starting to circle the water? Woody Hayes, rest his soul is turning over in his grave.

    Even Ohio State fans, as annoying as they can sometimes be don't deserve this. Maurice Claurett should now be allowed to loosen the bulletproof vest and officially bury the hatchet in his hand.