There is only one explination of why this edition of Monday Night RAW was so terrible.
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Now, while I didn't watch the first half of RAW in favor of Heroes, I'm glad I didn't. I probably would have turned the show off had I sat through it. Candice Michelle? Rey vs. Snitsky? A COMPLETE LACK OF DOLPH ZIGGLER?! (seriously, I miss him already)
But, even without seeing the first hour of the show, I saw that I had made a very big mistake by tuning in to this boring and sloppy waste of an hour. Lets go over what I saw...
First thing that I saw was the only good thing about the show, Santino Marella. I. Love. Santino. I completely loved this sketch, which featured Santino coming out dressed as all three of his potential Cyber Sunday opponents. He wore the attire of Roddy The Piper, the face paint of Goldendust, and sported the hair of the Honky Tonky Man, complete with fake guitar. Wonder if someone is getting hit with that....
While I found this to be hilarious, the live crowd just did not seem into it, in fact, the crowd was completely dead the entire time. The jokes didn't just fall flat, they went up in flames. The crowd seemed more interested in talking to themselves than paying attention to what Santino had to say.
So, after what feels like an eternity, who come out to Save_Us from the apathy?
HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN!
So, after that battle of wits ends (He called Beth a man! LOL!), Santino reels back and, big shock, smashes the guitar over Jimmy-boy's head. But sadly, like the rest of the show, it was botched. Santino caught the handle of the guitar with his mouth, almost completely splitting his upper lip in two.
But, in the most awesome move of the whole night, he no sells it, completely. While he was probably whining when he got to the back (oh, like you wouldn't), Santino is a badass for not even flinching in front of the cameras.
Now, if Santino couldn't save the show, who could?
Why what's this? It's CRYME TYME!!
And...could it be? PRICELESS!!!
Oh I can't wait for this, I saw these guys live so I know what they can do!
And...Cryme Tyme gets destroyed, no match...
yeah...Thanks WWE...not like I wanted to see wrestling anyway.
So, this brings us to the quote-unquote Main Event. A double gauntlet. Wait, what?
So, what would happen is Batista would start, and once his match was over, Jericho would start his match with the same person. Does it have a point? Actually yes, it does. To repeat Jericho's Undisputed Championship booking.
So, first up is William Regal.
Batista wins in 10 seconds, at least.
So, now it's Jericho's turn. After Regal takes five minutes to get up, Jericho hits the Codebreaker and wins in less time. That was really worth it, huh? Next, Jericho starts. See they're alternating so it's fair. His match is with Mark Henry. He loses. By DQ.
So, Batista should have the same troubles in his match, this is the World's Strongest Man after all, and his match with Jericho lasted all of four minutes, and we've seen him get up from worse than a belt shot so he should be just getting started.
Batista's spinebuster says different, one, two, three, squashed. Yeah, he won with the SPINEBUSTER...
Third match, oh no, it's Kane, Batista better get...wait, Jericho is first?...Again? WTF?
Anyway, Jericho loses...again. This time by pinfall.
Okay, this is it WWE. This is Kane, the one you've been hyping up again as a monster. The man that's been leveling opponents for weeks and weeks. Batista is finally going to get a challenge.
Oh, who am I kidding? Batista spear, one, two, three, squashed.
So, to sum it up, what have we learned? Santino is a bleeder, Priceless won't be actually wrestling for a long time at this rate, and Batista is Cena Version Three (Version Two is Michelle McCool).
I haven't been this bored by a Main Event since I watched TNA many months back. It's really ironic that this is the RAW before TNA's big Live HD show. If that show turns out to be good, then hell has frozen over.
TNA! TNA! TNA! TNA!