Guilty Pleasures

Kim Kardashian Engaged: Kris Humphries and 10 Jocks Who Outkicked Their Coverage

Timothy RappFeatured ColumnistMay 25, 2011

Kim Kardashian Engaged: Kris Humphries and 10 Jocks Who Outkicked Their Coverage

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    The day has come: Kim Kardashian is engaged to Kris Humphries!

    The British had their Royal Wedding, and The Office had Pam and Jim. Here at Bleacher Report, we've got Kim Kardashian, the American Queen of the WAGs, tying the knot.

    And while we're happy for Kim, we can't help but think that Kris Humphries—he of the career 5.6 PPG—is a bit out of his league here. In fact, there are quite a few athletes in the world of sports outkicking their coverage.

    Thus, we honor (er, roast) those athletes shooting beyond their range with the following slides. Sure, they may have sunk a deep three-pointer with their current girlfriend or wife, but we all know they have no business shooting anything beyond a mid-range jumper.

Honorable Mention: Elsa Benitez and Rony Seikaly

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    Do I even need to write anything here? This one is obvious, right?

    Truth be told, Seikaly was a pretty good basketball player. He just sort of looks like a goofy dude to me, and his ex-wife (hence the "Honorable Mention"), Elsa Benitez, was a gorgeous model.

    This pair is like replacing George from Seinfeld with Joey from Friends to be Jerry's best friend.

10. Rima Fakih and Ricky Romero

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    Romero is one of the game's finest young pitchers, having compiled some pretty impressive stats during his first three major league seasons: a 31-22 record with 376 strikeouts, a 3.83 ERA and 1.36 WHIP.

    But Fakih was Miss USA in 2010, and Ricky Romero plays for the Toronto Blue Jays.

    See where I'm going here? We can't have guys hanging out in Canada, stealing our national treasures. Sorry Ricky, but Miss Fakih could do better.

    This pair is like replacing Bender, Fry's best friend on Futurama, with Vicki from Small Wonders.

9. Teresa Lourenco and Richard Jefferson

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    I don't know why, but when I see Richard Jefferson, I think of the ghost from the Ghostbuster's logo.

    That's probably just me.

    Anyway, I would guess Trinidadian model Lourenco overrated Richard Jefferson's attraction as much as most people have overrated his game throughout the years.

    This pair is like replacing Barney Rubble from The Flintstones with Ralphie from The Simpsons as Fred's best friend.

8. Kendra Wilkinson and Hank Baskett

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    Hank Baskett, who has a remarkable (cough) 77 catches in seven seasons, snagged Kendra Wilkinson, she of Playboy and The Girls Next Door notoriety.

    Whatever. I can't rank this couple too high, mostly because I always thought Holly was way hotter to begin with.

    This pair is like replacing Shawn Hunter, best friend of Cory Matthews on Boy Meets World, with Screech from Saved by the Bell.

7. Zuleyka Rivera and J.J. Barea

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    The woman named Miss Universe in 2006 should probably be dating someone worthy of being Mr. Universe.

    And while J.J. Barea has been Mr. "Shocking Amounts of Energy and Production Off the Bench" in the 2011 NBA Playoffs, he isn't Mr. Universe material.

    This pair is like replacing Chewbacca with Snooki to be Han Solo's sidekick.

    (Get it? Snooki rhymes with Wookie, so it's a rhyming joke! Everyone loves rhyming jokes!)

6. Lisa Dergan and Scott Podsednik

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    Posednik was a pretty good ballplayer from 2003-06, averaging .276 during those years with a .342 OBP, 615 hits, 167 ribbies, and an impressive 212 steals. He also hit a walk-off home run in the bottom of the 9th on Brad Lidge to win Game 2 of the 2005 World Series.

    But are those numbers the type of statistics that blow the clothes right off of a Playboy Playmate like Lisa Dergan?

    Apparently. Add one more steal to Podsednik's career numbers.

    This pair is like replacing Fozzy the Bear as Kermit the Frog's best friend with Oscar the Grouch.

5. Patrycja Mikula and Krzysztof Krol

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    Krol has two things going against him:

    1. This photo.

    2. He played for a year with the Chicago Fire of the MLS in 2010. I'm not trying to hate on the MLS—I'm all for a popularity surge in America and the revitalization of the game here—but the MLS is no Premier League or La Liga. Those dudes are like the Warren Beatty's of sports.

    The MLS players? Eh, not so much.

    This pair is like replacing Samwise Gamgee as Frodo's companion with Gollum. Hey, wait a second...

4. Jennifer Walcott and Adam Archuleta

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    Let's just ignore the fact that Adam Archuleta looks like Peter Parker when he goes through his "cool" phase in Spider-Man 3.

    Oh, who am I kidding—who could ignore that? That scene single-handedly ruined the entire movie for me, and anyone who reminds me of that scene is clearly not worthy of the gorgeous Jennifer Walcott.

    I rest my case.

    This pair is like replacing Boo-Boo from Yogi Bear with a Care Bear.

3. Jessica Simpson and Eric Johnson

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    We shouldn't be too hard on Johnson, who spent the majority of his career with the 49ers and played one season with the Saints. After all, the guy was injury prone—he lost the entirety of the 2003 and 2005 seasons due to injury.

    In 2004, however, he snagged 82 passes for 825 yards and two touchdowns. But by 2006, his time with the 49ers had an expiration date, as the team drafted Vernon Davis.

    In some ways, Simpson can relate—her relevancy has taken a pretty big hit. She's still smoking hot, however.

    This pair is like replacing Dana Carvey with Rob Schneider to play Garth alongside Mike Myers' Wayne.

2. Maria Sharapova and Sasha Vujacic

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    Maria, Maria, Maria—you're engaged to a man that has a career average of 5.6 points per game?

    You are beautiful and one of the finest tennis players in the world, and you are dating a man who probably spends more time on his hair than you do?

    Sigh.

    This pair is like replacing Watson, sidekick of Sherlock Holmes, with Pinky from Pinky and the Brain.

1. Adriana Lima and Marko Jaric

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    All I'm saying is, Marko Jaric is currently playing basketball in Serbia after averaging a startling (cough) 6.6 points and 3.2 assists per game in seven NBA seasons.

    Meanwhile, Adriana is at the top of her craft as one of the hottest models in the world today.

    This pair is like Batman replacing Robin with Arthur from The Tick.

     

    Be sure to hit me up on Twitter (@TRappaRT) along with the entire B/R Swagger team (@BR_Swagger)

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