"On behalf of Steven Seagal and Tommy Lee Jones, welcome to Under Siege 3" - that, my friends, is how you start a fight card.
Barry Oglesby put together a testosterone-frenzied card for last night's event from Colmcille's GAA club...with only two of the nine bouts going to decision.
Fighting under a new team banner for the first time, Oglesby's Kyuzo made a good account of themselves despite coming out with only one victory from their five fights.
It was two victories in two bouts for Galway's Point Blank Submissions and Rush Fight Academy, with the teams outstanding performances coming from debutant Gary Mannion (PBS) and the unbeaten Darragh Harte (Rush).
Lucan MMA had a particularly bad day, leaving without a single "W" from their five scheduled bouts. A complete mismatch in the middleweight division left the audience wondering how the Lucan coach let one of his men get into the cage at all.
All photographs by Luke Carroll
Chetari landed a nice teep to the abdomen of McAuley before securing a tidy takedown. The PMA man then quickly transitioned to side control.
Chetari then held his flyweight opponent in a standard judo hold down with a side head lock on. Knowing that "ippons" didn't count, the audience called for a stand up which never came.
With respect to McAuley, the young man never gave up, trying to utilise the cage to push himself out of the challenging position.
Chetari eventually mounted and finished the fight with an armbar.
Denis Chetari won by armbar in Round 1.
This bantamweight clash was a quick one but will be remembered mostly for the frenzied attack of Adam Caffrey...why the M.C. called him "Sausage Head" I may never know, but it was still funny.
As soon as "I'm Shipping Up to Boston" came roaring through the sound system with Caffrey dancing his way to the ring, the confidence of the fighter had my mind made up.
Caffrey completed a nice take down as Dolan tried to hold onto his neck for a guillotine attempt. The Rush fighter then transitioned to mount with Dolan then turning to give "Sausage Head" his back.
Caffrey did it by the book, qucikly getting the hooks in and securing the body triangle before finishing it off with a rear naked choke.
Caffrey won by Rear Naked Choke in Round 1.
This featherweight match up was a closely contested bout, and one of the two that went the distance.
Round one saw Hughes utilising a nice Thai plum against the cage and landing some vicious knees to the body of O'Driscoll. Hughes then tripped O'Driscoll and played a loose half guard until the fight was stood up.
Again, Hughes used his clinch to land some sharp knees to his opponent's torso. O'Driscoll then produced a nice trip, but unfortunately for the Lucan man, Hughes was able to use the cage to reverse the take down ending up in the guard of O'Driscoll.
O'Driscoll threw up his legs and looked like he nearly had the armbar at one stage but Kyuzo's Hughes defended well and skipped to side control.
The round ended up on the feet with O'Driscoll landing a big shot on the inside...a territory he looked good in all night.
In round two we saw more stand up out of the two men, with Hughes utilizing his long reach and O'Driscoll always looking to get inside.
However, Hughes seemed to control the centre of the cage and O'Driscoll was always backing up.
Again, O'Driscoll used a nice hip throw but Hughes was equal to it, reversing the throw before mounting his opponent. O'Driscoll did well to get out the back door, but Hughes finished the round with a takedown and some big shots against the cage.
O'Driscoll started round three with a beautiful teep kick, I thought the Lucan man's best chance was on the feet but he went back to his trusty hip throw again, which was reversed by Hughes all night, and this time was no different.
Hughes stood up and O'Driscoll was eventually back on the feet. At this stage, Hughes played a classic Randy Couture game, gassing O'Driscoll up against the cage with some fine wrestling. O'Driscoll was always dangerous on the inside but Hughes managed to neutralize it with his strong Greco-Roman game.
In the last 10 seconds of the fight, O'Driscoll, for the fifth time, tried the hip throw on Hughes and for the fifth time it was reversed. The fight finished in a scramble.
Conor Hughes won by Unanimous Decision
As Gary Mannion made his way to the cage, I noticed the size of the guys' legs and knew Michael Auzempamber's was going to be feeling their presence at some stage of the night.
Mannion utilized his leg kicks straight away, looking a lot better in the early exchanges, doing serious damage to the left leg of Auzempamber.
About two minutes in, the cumulative damage of the shots eventually dropped the Lucan welterweight.
When Auzempamber got back to his feet it was clear that he was having trouble putting pressure on his left leg, before the Point Blank Submissions man, Mannion, scored a massive takedown. The round ended with Mannion in side control.
Mannion came out in the second round targetting the weakened leg of Auzempamber's. His first two shots to the leg were notable, but the third put Auzempamber on his back again.
Mannion secured the mount and shots rained down on Auzempamber until the fight was eventually stopped.
A devastating debut by Point Blank Submissions Welterweight.
Mannion won by TKO in Round 2.
As Joe Mady's face was getting vaselined he was told he wasn't wearing a cup, a few minutes later and cup in place, this lightweight clash got underway.
Joe Mady looked slick in the opening exchanges, using a lot of nice footwork and clean straight punches. Noticing this, Lanigan followed a nice leg kick up with a strong double leg, landing in the guard of Mady's.
Despite pummeling and landing some crisp body shots, Lanigan failed to find an opening for a transition and the fight was again stood up.
From there, Mady landed some nice shots and eventually slapped a standing guillotine on Lanigan before jumping guard. Lanigan got his head out and landed some big shots from Mady's guard.
We saw a bit of a ground war in round two after Shane Lanigan committed to a well executed single leg take down. After some lovely transitions, Lanigan secured the mount before Mady swept the PBS man to half guard, where Lanigan returned the favour, sweeping Mady to side control.
The fight was then stood up and Lanigan took the Kyuzo man down again, perhaps feeling his best chance was on the ground.
Lanigan stood out of Mady's open guard and landed some shots to the downed Mady, who was doing quite well landing up kicks. Lanigan landed a big shot and jumped to side control before the round finished.
Two big leg kicks from Lanigan began the third round, after which he appeared to drop his hands. If Mady was going to take the fight, it had to be then, as he had looked very strong on his feet through out the night.
However, just as Mady started landing, Lanigan looked to his reserves and managed to take Mady down again.
Mady tied Lanigan up well in his guard before opening it up, allowing Lanigan to land some leg kicks while "The Conspiracy" was still on his back.
The closing minute of the fight was played out on the feet with Lanigan landing some nice shots from his boxing clinch.
Shane Lanigan won by Unanimous Decision.
Akimovas came out swinging for the fences in this welterweight clash, landing some big wide hooks at a frightening pace.
Sines was looking for the take down and rightly so, but Akimovas' Greco-Roman game did well to stop the attempts.
Sines eventually managed to trip the Xtreme MMA man, and seemed to be a lot better on the ground. Securing a high mount, Sines start teeing off, getting some revenge for the shots he took on the feet.
Akimovas managed to flip the Lucan man off him, landing in his guard where Sines tied up his opponent very well. Eventually Akimovas found some space and landed some massive shots before moving to side control.
In side control, Akimovas threw knees to the side of Sines but landed one or two to the spine of the Lucan MMA man.
The round finished, but Sines looked very uncomfortable in his corner with his corner trying to sort out his left side. Visibly hurt by it, the referee called a stop to the fight with Sines being unable to continue due to an illegal strike.
The fight ended as a no-contest.
Massive apologies to Anesh Bugwandeen for not getting the picture of the decision for this bout.
Two unbeaten fighters took to the cage in this match up.
I arrived fairly early to the fights and the first person I saw on the way in was Darragh Harte, the Rush fighter looked ready to go two hours before the fight began!
Top marks to both men for their phenomenal entrance music.
Harte appeared to me as Ireland's answer to Nick Diaz in this bout with very unorthodox stand up which made for a very entertaining clash.
Harte landed some damaging blows from his explosive and very individual stand up game. After hurting Bugwandeen, Harte ran in for a nice single leg but ate a crisp jab while doing so. However, the jab didn't stop the takedown.
Bugwandeen then swept the Rush man and came out on top but Harte had already secured the armbar and finished the bout with the tidy submission.
Darragh Harte won by armbar in Round 1.
Rob Wynn looked in absolutely superb condition in this bout, winning his second fight in one week of the back of Myles Price's Tuff Nut last week.
Wynn outsized his opponent by a massive margin and even as Henderson got into the cage, he looked very nervous.
Henderson went straight into Wynn in the first round and pulled guard, something not usually recommended when facing a man the size of Wynn.
From Henderson's guard, Wynn skipped to side control and then to north/south position where he attempted a choke, with the choke attempt not coming off, Wynn mounted Henderson and landed huge shots before the fight was stopped by the ref.
Completely outsized and outgunned, the fight appeared to be a mismatch from the word go.
Rob Wynn won by TKO in Round 1.
The most highly anticipated fight on the card lived up to all expectations.
Carroll began by cleverly circling away from Coady's powerful right hand, before launching into a takedown attempt which Coady stopped by slapping on a standing guillotine. Carroll tried for another takedown before and Coady reacted with a guillotine again.
The fight then became a ground war with Coady doing very well against the prowess of Carroll on the ground. The Kyuzo man went for a leg but Coady scrambled out and took side control.
Various submission attempts happened here, too fast to document as well as trying to watch the fight!
I began taking notes again when Carroll was just about to secure the mount and Coady managed to get out the backdoor. Carroll then took the back of Coady but the SBGi man exploded out and finished the round standing over the grounded Carroll.
At the break of rounds Conor McGregor rushed over to the SBGi corner to give his team mate Coady some advice.
The second round began as the first with Carroll circling away from Coady's big power. Carroll then pulled guard with Coady immediately standing back up. Another takedown attempt saw Coady rolling out.
Carroll eventually nailed a single leg takedown and held Coady's legs as he sat against the side of the cage landing harmless but annoying shots to the head and body of his opponent.
In the same position, it was either an over commitment on Carroll's part or just an explosive transition on Coady's, or maybe both, but the SBGi man took Carroll's back and finished the fight well with a rear naked choke.
Coady is really making some noises in the Irish scene now and two successive submission victories say a lot for his improving ground game.