The equalizer. The field-leveler. The playmaker.
All words used to describe Ex-Lax. But you didn’t click on this link to read about Ex-Lax, and if you did, you’ve clearly got some form of ESP and should be working with the cops right now to hunt down and find lawbreakers for a new reality television show that I’d call Psychic Police.
Although I now own the copyright for that show, so don’t forget to cut me a piece of the pie. Or I’ll sue.
Serious. I have Gloria Allred on speed-dial. Yeah, I’m that guy.
Those words are also used to describe the Big Kahunas of the NFL, though. The Vicks, the Petersons, the DeSeans. The players who make Chris Berman go into his spiel about bumbling and stumbling and then he makes that high-pitched noise which makes dogs howl. You know the one; sounds like a Banshee having a violent orgasm.
Who are, to use tired but apt clichés, the best of the best? The crème de la crème? The Alphas? Arnold Schwarzenegger’s illegitimate child?
Wait, no, we know that last one. And with the maid, Arnie? That is clichéd. Not as clichéd as Jingle All The Way, but still.
Here’s a list of the 10 best playmakers, remembering that in a galaxy far, far away, we once had something called the NFL.
Now, we just have the National Litigation League. Boom, roasted.
Take that, Roger Goodell.