The Greatest Time Of The Year

s they are capable of and it was completely socially acceptable! They try to pretend the sport is about something else by adding numbers and lines all over the field, and keeping "score," but we all know that the only real reason this sport exists is so that men can run around acting manly for a few hours each week.

I immediately fell in love with watching football. It was a glorious sport. I even played for one year in high school, and I was pretty good, except for the fact that I weighed about as much as a bag of popcorn and most of my teammates were the size of Buick's. I made up for the drastic size difference, however, by being completely insane. I would run into guys head first without even knowing if the guy had the ball. For all I knew I was hitting my own teammates, or the referee, or a cheerleader. It didn't matter, though. All that mattered was that I got to hit something.

Fortunately, I could tell I had no future in this sport (unlike baseball, of course). I think coming to that realization was my ultimate salvation. I would have gotten killed in college.

As you can see, I have a deep love of these two sports. Tragically, during most of the year I can only enjoy one of these two sports at a time because they take place largely in different season. From November until February, I have only football. And from April until August, I have only baseball. It is only for the two glorious months of September and October that I get to enjoy both! Football pre-season and the first couple regular season games are suddenly fused together with the end of the baseball regular season and post-season. It's heaven for a guy like me. Even in spite of the fact that it only lasts for two months, I still get very excited each year when it rolls around.

Thank goodness I'm not the President. If I were, the world would be in a big heap of trouble every September and October. I would probably let Iran invade all the way to Des Moine before I even noticed something might be wrong. Then again, no other self-respecting male would notice either. I can just picture all the girlfriends and wives shrieking, "Honey, for the love of God, the Iranians are kicking down the door!" and all the boyfriends and husbands responding with "Later! The Pats are on the forty with only two minutes to go, and the Sox game starts in fifteen minutes!"

It's important to remember that the current President is also a man. I suggest all the women be on the lookout for any scary looking tanks until the end of the World Series.

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