Reports about the Boston Red Sox looking for another old catcher to bolster their ranks of men who don the tools of ignorance are greatly exaggerated.

Bengie Molina was allegedly contacted by the Red Sox to see if he was willing, at 36, to return behind the little dish at Fenway, according to Ken Rosenthal of Fox Sports. The dish is that the Sox are not ready to sign another catcher, but are just shooting the breeze with anyone who owns a mitt and has a pulse.

The Red Sox have also denied that they are interested in having another Pudge behind the plate, and for that reason will not make any deal with the Washington Nationals for Ivan Rodriguez. Up in New Hampshire, is Carleton Fisk afraid to answer his cell phone?

Other reports circulating do admit that, despite the stonewall of support for Jarrod Saltalamacchia, the dike has spouted leaks and the crumbling infrastructure has more falling debris than the Big Dig Tunnel.

According to one high-ranking source, the problem with the young catcher, working under the tutelage of Jason Varitek, is that the game sometimes moves to fast for him.

In the world of rationalization, the Red Sox have now taken the prize for bizarre logic. Never in all my years of following games that end at 2:45 A.M. at Fenway, have I ever heard someone say the game of baseball is too quick.

Red Sox fans may well ask: If the game of baseball is perceived as a fast-moving game that requires the speed of a brainiac, should we administer a Wonderlic test to the Red Sox brass?

No one wants to admit that Saltalamacchia—who was pursued by Theo Epstein with all the ardor of Paris going after Helen—may have achieved his end at the cost of a new Trojan War.

Old catchers are available, but many are like gifts from the Greeks of ancient lore. We have no idea what may be in the wooden horses being left outside Fenway Park.

Unfortunately, with June about to bust out, the Red Sox may need to drag in one of the old warhorses like Pudge Rodriguez to bolster Varitek (once on the scrap heap of Sox castoffs himself) to help the old man finish out the season.