Pointless Peptalk For Peyton Manning

Shari ToomeyCorrespondent IJanuary 18, 2008

It is my responsibility to give something back to the NFL superstar who has comforted and advised me in my various times of need.

You see, I wanted rock-hard abs. Peyton set me straight. I bought some bigger shirts and I have become more comfortable in my own skin. Thanks to Peyton.

I drive a plain old white minivan. Peyton encouraged me to jazz it up. The flames did not turn out so well, but at least it stands out in a parking lot. Thanks to Peyton.

I have no social life. Peyton suggested that I learn some dance moves. I look like Elaine from Seinfeld, but I am now the talk of the party. Thanks to Peyton.

I was having trouble sticking to my diet. Peyton recommended that I hang out with some linemen. The buffets seem to close earlier than they used to, but I am now the tiny one in the group. Thanks to Peyton.

So to Peyton, I ask:

Bummed about the premature end of your season? Taking your divisional playoff loss to the Chargers a little hard? Can you at least blame it on the kicker? No? Oh wow, that's pretty rough.

Here's what you're gonna do: You're gonna go buy a Giants jersey—maybe with a #10 on it—and you're gonna cheer for that other Manning...

What...sibling rivalry? Looks like this could become a series.