Every sports fan who has seen a field goal kicker miss an extra point or a golfer hit a five-foot putt wide has muttered to themselves, "Put me in there! I could do that!"
And of course, when it comes to female athletes, every guy in the back of their mind knows they could beat a girl, because at the core of every gentleman, we are sexist pigs.
Here are 25 hot athletes who I have the utmost confidence that we Joe Schmo's could go out and beat, ranked from least likely to beat to most likely.
And even if we don't necessarily come out on top on the scoreboard, we are all winners because at least we tried and all that other garbage you're told when you're a seven-year-old.
I am told that she is the first woman to pull a rodeo 720, which is when you do two rotations with you head towards the ground.
Judging from what I have seen from females in the X-Games, if I could pull off a 360, ride a few rails and just not fall, I have as good a chance as anyone.
I know I'm going to hear arguments about how Korpi is the sixth-ranked skater in the world and all that jazz.
And sure, not only could I not land a salchow, skating backwards would be a challenge.
But I am sure someone out there could beat Korpi because all we would have to do is bribe the judges and it would be in the bag.
Maybe we can even the playing field and have her do stuff in roller skates like in this picture. Even if I lose, I am still a winner because she is wearing those socks.
This one would be tough because she has broken some records in high school and has had some success at Cal.
And she has probably developed quite a thick skin after having to deal with unwanted attention.
I think the only choice we have is to play dirty and call all of the Stokke Stalkers to fill the stands to throw her off her game. I am sure those creepy weirdos could come up with something to get under her skin.
This is a regular guy's dream. A girl who is good at ping-pong who is hot?
Other than fighting Carano, I am looking most forward to this one because how much fun it will be.
Give me a month of practicing like Forrest Gump and this will be a fight to the finish.
This American skier's specialty is freestyle.
Her best-ever finish was eighth in Canada.
I would say we could beat her because she is nothing but a pretty face. But that isn't true.
The pretty face thing that is. Her body is 20 years old and her head is 40.
I am taking on Gabrielle because she is over 40 and retired to focus on her family.
Yes she was a force back in the day, but now her best days are behind her.
Plus, now that she has small children, I bet we can rely on a disqualification because she will have to leave in the middle of a match due to one of the kids sticking a peanut up the other one's nose.
Hey, a win is a win. I am taking it any way I can.
Clair Bidez missed the 2010 Winter Olympics and has done nothing too special in the X-Games.
I can snowboard. I've played 1080 Snowboarding on N64. It's basically the same thing right?
If you're ditching your sport to be on a reality show like Gulbis did when she went on Celebrity Apprentice 2, then no matter what, you probably made the right decision. Her mind couldn't have been in the right place.
Sure, she was sixth overall on the money list, but she only has one win on tour. The strategy has to be to just linger until it's winning time, then make your move.
And did you know she has two brothers named George and Charles Innocent?
Yeah, they're a crime fighting duo whose nemesis is the notorious mobster Louis Guilty.
The worst thing that happened to Ana Paula Mancino's volleyball career was when she discovered that she could pose without clothes on and make a great living.
While she is laying around on a beach somewhere getting pounds of cocoa butter rubbed all over her, I am putting in the man hours and sweat equity. I would totally be ready to spike the ball through the cobwebs known as her volleyball skills.
Baseball was my chosen sport, so whenever I see a softball player, I immediately think I have a chance of being better than any of them. Especially one who quit in college and now is a broadcaster.
Think of the rules of softball. You have a smaller field and you can't lead off the base pads. It is essentially little league baseball with a bigger ball. How does anyone ever strike out trying to hit something that big??
I am begging someone to argue with me on this fact.
You can drone on all you want about your golf accomplishments, Sophie, but until you're on the LPGA tour, I know I can take you.
Just don't talk though. The British accent thing will make me collapse on the green, and no one wants to see something like that.
I just can't take Verchenova's game seriously when she set the female athlete stereotype back a thousand years when she told Maxim magazine:
“I always like to bring something extra special to the golf course, so if I’m wearing sexier, more stylish stuff like a shorter skirt or a nice tennis-style dress, and if people notice then great.”
All right Maria. While you're making hard decisions like if you should wear a black skirt or a pink one, I am out at the driving range day and night, getting ready to take you on.
Yet another softball player who quit after her career in college. Cruz played at Arizona State, where she hit .213, had 11 RBI and scored seven runs. Pretty poor production from a third baseman.
I know for a fact I could take her spot on the roster and then teach her a thing or two about how to properly wear a cami. Obviously the one she is wearing is too small.
You probably think that is a pretty weird thing I know how to do. Maybe. I have some weird hobbies I do on my down time. But I don't like to get too deep into describing them. You know what? Just act like you didn't read this.
Oh hey look! It's Bianca Cruz half naked!
Claudia Toth's chosen sport is curling. You know, the Olympic sport where you push a large piece of stone and use brooms to put that large piece of stone in a spot?
This is arguably the toughest matchup because of the involvement of a broom. Men are fighting centuries of training that women have had with a broom.
I'm sorry, ladies. That one was too easy. But before you scoff too hard, know that I am the one losing. The days of me getting a girlfriend ended in March when I started writing this stuff.
The highest tennis ranking Harkleroad reached was No. 39. I think we can take her.
This is how the match would go if it were me out there:
Due to my man pride, I am focused. If I lose, I would most certainly wander into traffic after the match.
Once I am up a set, I begin to get cocky, leading me to notice her attire. This is bad.
Harkleroad blindsides me and wins a set. She wins another because of the shock I'm in over the fact I lost the set before.
Then the moment clicks. I stare into the distance, readjust my mindset, wipe the brow and heroically come back to win in dramatic fashion. I then drop to my knees and scream at the sky while weeping uncontrollably. I then take a lap or two, blowing kisses to the crowd. Basically, looking like a total jackass.
But don't be mistaken, this overreaction isn't because I won. I am this happy because for two hours, I got to play tennis against a Playboy model while she wore that ridiculous outfit.
The internet tells me Victoria here hurt her back, so she can't play tennis anymore.
Fine, Victoria. I call your bluff. I am totally willing to roll out in a wheelchair and duel you on a tennis court. No more excuses, this is for real.
Wheelchair tennis. I'm surprised that hasn't caught on. Maybe because it would take about as long as a game of Monopoly and would be equally as exciting.
I'd watch if Victoria was involved, though. Just as long as she wore this outfit.
Leryn Franco specializes in the javelin throw. She is also a clutch performer.
She set her personal best at the 2007 Pan American Games in Rio de Janeiro, which was good enough to get her last place. Well slap my ass and call me Shirley! That is what I am competing with! The best you can do is last!
Her personal best is 55.38 meters, which is 181.69 feet. If my math is right, and it is because I know I carried the four, then that means she can probably throw a baseball about 43 mph.
While Anna Rawson isn't posing on the world where the Planet of the Apes hang out, she is being really mediocre at golf.
Here is Rawson's LPGA career in a nutshell:
"In three full years on the LPGA, she’s has only one top 10 in 2008, and her career golf earnings are $166,910."
I'm not even going to practice for this one.
The Feres sisters' list of prestigious accomplishments is so vast and endless, it earned them about three sentences on their Wikipedia page.
They were champions in Brazil for both juvenile and adult categories. That is like me proudly telling people I won some championships in the sixth grade.
I am about as flexible as glass, but give a few weeks of training and I know I could win some competition in Brazil.
Anna Kournikova hasn't competed in a WTA match since 2003.
Since it has been so long, Anna's skills have fallen so far that she now confuses a tennis racket with a guitar. This one is will be a cake walk.
Erin Phillips plays in the WNBA.
Is there really any need to elaborate any further?
Lacey Jones is a poker player who is ranked No. 10,585 and has won zero career live wins.
If you play poker and you don't think you can beat the 10,585th-ranked player, then quit playing immediately. I don't play poker and I think I can win just for the fact that luck would play a part.
And if she thinks she can distract me from my game by looking really sexy, she is completely right.
I guarantee one fact. Everyone person thinks they are an excellent driver. And if you don't, please don't ever get into a car again.
If you're so bad even you know you're a bad driver, it's only a matter of time before you run over a decrepit old lady with a cane.
So when you see Danica Patrick, a very average race car driver getting attention, you have to believe you can beat her.
Can you turn a steering wheel left? You have a chance.
I'm not only sure I could beat Ashley Force in a drag race, I am confident I could beat any drag racer at anytime.
Let's review what this "sport" requires.
1) Sit in car
2) Buckle seat belt
3) See green light
4) Push accelerator down
5) Keep car straight
Whew. Number two would really give me some problems, but if I got past that hurdle, I think I have a chance.
This would be the one I am the most excited for.
I am totally willing to take on the female face of MMA.
Sure I am impressed with her training and work ethic. Sure I have seen her brutality in the ring.
But if I honestly think I can't beat a girl in a fight, then I should quit competing all together because I have lost my confidence and edge.
And I have more incentive to win because she is dressed up as Bison from Street Fighter. The best moment I will never experience would be dressing up as Guile and standing over Carano in triumph after I delivered the final blow, screaming "SONIC BOOM!!!"