This season has been one of the most gripping I can recall. Even now, there is a very real relegation threat to five clubs, whereas in other seasons, relegated teams could have packed up their bags in January. New teams have shown patches of brilliance, new players have graved English football- at times.
I will not be going into an analysis worthy of Stephen Fry, this is just a quick read, as most of my articles are. I hope it's a bit of fun.
What to expect:
In this article I will give awards out to teams and players, not all of them positive. Readers, this is not a life and death matter, so please do not bang on my door with a chainsaw should you disagree with my decisions. My girlfriend does that already. Enjoy your read folks!
They deserve this, if nothing else. One record says it all: Number of games in a row in which both teams in a match concerning Blackpool have scored. Blackpool broke it, therefore, they win this.
Their attacking nature, inconsistent defence and flare have captured me eye and I long to see them in the Premier League for seasons to come. They have won over spectators who want to see goals, which is, I believe, all of us.
Also, Ian Holloway has been magnificent and hilarious. I conclude this award on this classic Holloway quote:
"Right now, everything is going wrong for me–if I fell in a barrel of boobs, I'd
come out sucking my thumb!”
To all under 18's, he means booby traps by boobs. He got hurt by one, and therefore is sucking his cut thumb.
I know. It's that hard to take. This team has shared the points on 15 occasions, the highest in the Premier League. They recently had to take Kevin Phillips out of retirement to boost their attacking options. Yawn. I must say, at times I feel for Birmingham fans. While they are doing better than Blackpool, at least Blackpool are fun.
I'd like to point out that we don't know if there is a woman in the bottom half of that picture. If there is, his life can't be that bad, can it?
As a Liverpool fan, I was shocked to be celebrating this goal. It was a huge goal, the winning goal in a huge derby, at which point both teams were in the title hunt. The grace of this goal, the technique, the accuracy, the–I won't carry on. However, it was definitely brilliant. Also, for all Manchester United fans, I'm sure you enjoyed the look on your rivals' faces.
There was another contender for this goal, Tiote's equalising goal was tantalisingly close to making it into this spot. That too was a great strike and was a hugely important goal, too. For all Newcastle fans, I did appreciate that goal. I just...appreciated this one more. However, no doubt, Tiote's thunderbolt had me cheering too.
That picture shows you how bad the damage is. By the way, I'm talking about the guy with the horse's tail stuck to the back of his head.
Andy Carroll has been great this season, but his hair does need sorting. How many times have we heard this joke: "Carroll only cost 34 million, the other million was for a hairdressers appointment?" Too many, but it's true.
Sorry Andy, everything about you has been exceptional this season, but please, on behalf of England, cut your hair.
The beginning of the season turned West Ham from a mid-table team to bottom of the league relegation battlers. They were nothing short of woeful. Players looked like they couldn't be bothered to chase the ball or to mark their men! It was this that left them at the bottom of the table and losing game after game.
Yet, recent performances have shown that West Ham haven't lost it. In fact, at times, they look like a top six team. They definitely don't deserve to be relegated, however, have they left this performance increase until to late? They have lost their last two, despite performance levels increasing rapidly. One can only wish them well.
I just broke the news to him. Not such a tough guy after all, is he?
This man will never be a fan favourite. He is unbelievably talented, with a dream job and dream salary, yet he looks depressed! He takes his anger out on other people, supposedly. Here are some of the things he has done to deserve his place on this list:
Thrown darts at a youth player, as he was bored.
Sworn at Roberto Mancini.
Walked around with a face like thunder.
Completely wasted his talent.
How do you deal with him then? You can't exactly ring his mum and give him detention, can you? You could stop him playing, but then that's 24 million down the drain!
Wherefore art though so wasteful, Mario?
The change this team has undergone with Kenny Dalglish has been phenomenal. From sitting in a relegation place to standing in a European one, Liverpool have regained the feel good factor.
Their recent form has seen them be considered as future champions and while you laugh, read this.
If the Premier League season had started when Kenny Dalglish took over, Liverpool would be in first place. Now, as Dalglish will probably be managing them next season, what's to stop them ending their campaign in first place? Nothing.
Therefore, they fully deserve this award. Well done, Liverpool.
ALI AL HABSI
Didn't expect him, did you?
Well, the Wigan man has been brilliant. From being shunted out of a Bolton side, Al Habsi has come to Wigan and bossed the penalty area.
The shot stopper is certainly busy. Wigan Athletic are certainly keen to hide the fact that they have one of the worst defence records in the Premier League, though without their star goalkeeper, things may have been a lot worse.
His recent performances have provoked interest from other "bigger" clubs, including Arsenal, who are experiencing goalkeeping problems. They see this shot stopper as a possible solution, as he has shown patches of brilliance and at 29, is relatively young. This interest is fully deserved and his place on this list, in my opinion, is unquestionable.
This man recently won the PFA player of the year award. Therefore, it makes sense for him to win my prestigious award, too. If you ask him, he'd choose my sought after award instead of that PFA rubbish if he had to, I'm sure.
However West Ham have played this season, Scott Parker has stood out. He has been the silver lining on a cloud edging toward relegation this season, a beacon of hope for West Ham.
How many of you watched Newcastle vs Arsenal? If you didn't, Newcastle trailed by four at one point to a rampant Arsenal side. Beaten to the first and second ball, dominated in the middle and shown a brick wall of defenders, Newcastle looked out of place.
Yet, they refused to give up, even when four down. They pulled one back, consolation, surely. Yet, along came another! 2-4, well, it's more respectable. Then another! Surely not! 3-4?! Arsenal fans must have looked on bemused.
It was always going to be cruel. Last minutes, nothing. Free kick, get it in the box, get something on it. Cleared. Chance gone. Hang on, that's a Newcastle player winding up to shoot! Shoot son, I said. Boy did he comply. Cheik Tiote's first time 25 yard volley flew into the bottom corner! What a goal! What an equaliser!
What an award, Newcastle.
This award was one of the easiest to award. Nani has shown trickery, pace, good feet and confidence this season, which was the first where he was a regular, thanks to one Cristiano Ronaldo.
Before this season, I always thought of Nani as another 'Cristiano Ronaldo Wannabe'. This season, he has proved me wrong. Yes, his style is similar to Ronaldo, but it is similar to all Portuguese wingers and in my opinion, there are many great Portuguese wingers out there.
Nani has shown his potential in a red shirt and I'm sure defenders will be quaking in there boots when he races towards them.
It's a great improvement from the United player. Well done.
Trickiest award, most contenders...
Many players have been worthy of this one, but I'm going to have to go with a player who has impressed me time and time again:
A little under a season ago, this man was a bench warmer. Yet now, he has overwhelmed us with skill and overall good play.
The Frenchman is still young and therefore, will only improve, so he fits all the criteria for me. He dribbles, shoots and keeps the ball like a true master, the next Fabregas, who has been awful for me, by the way. It was, at times, only this man who carried Arsenal to wins.
Super stuff, Samir.
A future prospect, a rising star, a talented youngster who will outstrip many past greats.
What can I said that hasn't been said already? At 19, Jack already seems to posses that knack for composure in big games and in my opinion, at times he is better than Cesc Fabregas. He runs at defenders, makes big challenges, can make big or simple passes and epitomises Arsenal's youth system.
This man will be, in my opinion, the future Arsenal and England captain.
This man is my new favourite player. He shows skill, vision and an overall aura of confidence. 24 million seems like nothing for what he has become–an Anfield hero, making and scoring goals time and time again.
The South American has one thing that for me, ensures he leads the pack. It's got nothing to do with football, it is his attitude.
Luis does not possess a super sports car 5000wt or a replica of Buckingham palace with his face engraved into marble. He lives in a normal house, with a caring family. He takes the time to write on his Facebook pages, not relaying the responsibility onto someone else.
Of course, he is brilliant on the ball, too!
GK: Ali Al Habsi
RB: Martin Kelly
CB: Nemanja Vidic
CB: Roger Johnson
LB: Partice Evra
CM: Jack Wilshere
LM: Gareth Bale (For Champions League performances)
CAM: Samir Nasri
CF: Javier Hernandez
Subs: Wayne Rooney, Luis Suarez, Pepe Reina, Rio Ferdinand, Ryan Giggs, Assou Ekotto
Right–anything I missed? Comment! As always, it's been great writing for you, hope you enjoyed it.
If you felt anything essential was missing, tell me! It's the only way I can improve! :)