To quote the great Tyler Durden, "Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived."
Unlike hockey, baseball may never be known as a sport that involves fighting, but that does not mean these men cannot throw a mean punch. On the rare chance your favorite team does find its way into a beanball game, it is a good idea to know which players you hope are able to get into the middle of the action and start swinging.
It is time to declare the toughest guy and best fighter on every Major League Baseball team.
Let's face it: Growing up with a last name like Putz, J.J. was probably picked on from time to time by countless bullies and had to learn how to defend himself.
Luckily for him he is a huge man at 6'5", 250 lbs., so he undoubtedly is able to defend himself without a problem.
I feel bad for the first batter to try to charge the mound on him because Putz will likely release all that backed-up anger he has from his childhood on the poor fool.
Dan Uggla just looks like a bulldog on the field. He is short and stocky with that type of body where it looks like if you tried to run into him, he would not even budge and you would bounce right off him.
Uggla is also no stranger to brawls, being right in the mix when the Marlins and Mets almost fought back in 2007 and then again in 2009, when the Marlins fought Nyjer Morgan.
Uggla may also own the biggest forearms in the entire league.
He always has a smile on his face, but someone does not get the nickname "Big Bad Vlad" for no reason. Over his 14-year career Vlad has earned the reputation of "beating up" on pitchers on a routinely basis.
Vladdy is a throwback player who is as strong and rugged as they come. Being one of the few batters to use no batting gloves, there is no doubt his hands are tough enough to strangle a man.
If someone manages to turn Vlad's smile upside down, everyone in the ballpark might want to run away.
Kevin Youkilis didn't have the best showing of his skills when he attempted to fight frail Detroit pitcher Rick Porcello, but I think the best fighting has yet to be seen from Youk.
Youkilis just looks like that guy to me who you see sitting at the bar and are just waiting for to punch the first guy in the face that even looks at him wrong once he is drunk.
Youkilis's intensity might go unmatched in the major leagues.
The biggest hothead in baseball is no stranger to confrontation. Just ask his former teammate Michael Barrett, who was on the wrong end of Zambrano's rage back in 2007, coming to blows in the dugout and then a full-on brawl in the clubhouse.
When you possess the size (6'5", 270 lbs.) and anger issues of Big Z, you are sure to be a tough opponent for anyone to handle.
There probably won't be many hitters willing to charge the mound after taking a Big Z fastball between the numbers.
This is a selection based purely on the sheer size of a player.
If there was one word I would to use in order to describe Dunn, it would be behemoth. He weighs in at a whopping 6'6", 285 lbs. and has thighs reminiscent of tree trunks.
Dunn is the prototypical slugger and most definitely possesses one-punch knockout power. I am sure right now he wants to unleash some of that power on someone because of his early-season struggles.
Jonny Gomes has always struck me as a pretty scary dude. One look at that picture will tell you all you need to know about Jonny. Everything from that hairdo to the giant wad that may or may not be gum in his cheek to the intense look in his eyes would instill fear in almost anyone.
Gomes solidified his spot on this list when he pummeled Coco Crisp with hammer fists after Crisp charged the mound against James Shields.
Give him some face paint and Gomes could probably fit in as a member of the Road Warriors.
I don't know how to put this nicely, but Dave Duncan's older son looks like a guy who can eat a punch...or 50.
He has great size at 6'5" to go along with his Homer Simpson-esque ability to absorb an exorbitant amount of damage before going down.
It was also reported that this picture was taken shortly after it was announced Duncan just won the lottery.
Jason Giambi may be reaching a point in his life where he might want to dabble into Just For Men, but the fact remains that he is still one of the strongest players in baseball.
He has some done some questionable things, such as wearing a magically golden thong, but I am sure if anyone has a problem with it and tried to say something to Giambi's face about it, he would face no difficulties in changing your mind.
Anyone who has enough testicular fortitude to smile in a mugshot after being arrested for a DUI can fight on my team any day There is no telling what kind of crazy things this type of guy would do in a brawl.
Not to mention Miggy is a man amongst boys in baseball, being built like an NFL linebacker at an extremely solid 6'4", 240 lbs.
The Marlins are a team filled with some really big guys, including the 6'7" Josh Johnson, 6'8" Chris Volstad, 6'5" Mike Stanton and 6'6" Ryan Webb, but Gaby Sanchez has something they don't have: experience.
While Volstad was the one who Nyjer Morgan charged the mound against, it was the much smaller Sanchez who came in and cut off Morgan by delivering one of the best right haymakers I have ever seen in a Major League Baseball game in order to prevent Morgan from really ever getting to Volstad.
Some might call this a low blow, but it had to be done.
It is no secret about Brett Myers' past, and since he had no problems hitting an innocent female (who also happened to be married to him), I see no reasons why he would back down against a male of similar size who would pose an actual threat to him.
Hopefully one day I will get the pleasure of watching that happen.
If the idea that a name tells you all you need to know about someone holds true, then Kila is one scary dude.
Seeing someone who is 6'4" and 235 lbs. coming at you would normally be enough to make someone begin to shake from fear, let alone someone who might be the grim reaper in disguise.
It is also pretty well known that Hawaiians love to fight, and I wouldn't be shocked if Kila is an example of that rule.
Vernon Wells got the nod here only by default. The Angels are a team that does not have much size, and I have a hard time believing any of their players with good size would be able to do significant damage.
I went with Wells because he has above-average strength and speed, and I hope that he picked up some fighting while watching hockey after spending so much time in Canada during his career.
Closers are generally known as pretty intense and intimidating guys. When you also happen to tip the scales at upwards of 300 lbs. and have hit 100 mph on the radar gun, there is some power within that body.
Broxton is a beast of a man and is has the top three biggest thighs in baseball along with Adam Dunn and CC Sabathia. With great strength in both his upper and lower body Broxton can handle himself in the stand up game or on the ground should any mortal try and charge the mound against him.
So much of fighting is the mental aspect of it. As seen last year, Morgan has no problems throwing down and letting his fists fly.
He may be a little lankier than most of the players on this list, but if you give me a guy who will go into the fight, give it his all and never give up, I'll take that man over the physically gifted one.
Morgan may not be a fan favorite because of his aggressive antics, but as a former hockey player, Morgan is used to brawling and has carried his hockey mentality onto the baseball diamond.
I really have no good way to justify the pick of Jason Kubel other than the fact that I think he looks like a brawler.
I see him and think, "This is not a guy I want to piss off under any circumstances." For all I know, Kubel could be the nicest guy on the Earth, but I'd rather not take my chances to find out.
This one only really applies if a team full of Don Zimmers storm the field because K-Rod only likes to fight with men who are old enough to collect social security.
Talk about a class act.
CC Sabathia is 6'7" and a minimum of 290 lbs. In terms of overall size, Sabathia goes unmatched in Major League Baseball. Some people have him in height, but I have a feeling the 290 lbs. is a low listing, and he is into the 300's.
Sabathia's mere presence intimidates opponents to the point where they are afraid to swing the bat, which helps give him so much success.
Overlooking the roster in my opinion this is the least intimidating team in baseball.
While Coco Crisp did not have the best success in his fight against James Shields, he showed some great bob and weave technique. Having someone with his elusiveness on your side could not hurt by any means.
This pick is a little off the board with the likes of Ryan Howard available, but John Mayberry Jr. is no spring chicken and is the pound for pound, the strongest guy on the team.
He brings a great fighters body with long arms and a solid build to go along with his exceptional height (6'6").
As you can see by the picture, Mayberry doesn't take much time off from his training even working on his jab while getting congratulated for winning the game.
Just read this little blurb from his Wikipedia page: "Olsen was arrested by police in Aventura, Florida after fleeing from police following a speeding violation. He fled for about a mile, at which point he stopped at his home and sat in a plastic chair in the front yard. When police arrived and tried to arrest him, he kicked at the officers who then used a taser to subdue him."
Take a minute to digest that. The man is absolutely insane.
Not to mention he had numerous confrontations during his time with the Marlins.
Mat Latos has the rare distinction of being 6'6", 225 lbs. and yet still looks like he is bigger than his listed size. Latos is blessed with a gifted arm that would probably cause Padres fans to cringe should he decide to swing it at another player, but would also do some serious damage if he connected.
I wish Kyle Blanks was not injured because he would run away with this pick if he was on the roster right now.
Having to go up against Brian Wilson in a fight would not just scare me—it would terrify me. Even without the beard Brian Wilson looks like the baddest man on the planet.
He is "only" listed at 6'2" and 205 lbs., but he has a barrel chest and monstrous arms that could crack a few skulls.
Out of all the closers in baseball in baseball Wilson is definitely the toughest one and the best one to have on your team during a fight.
The one thing you never want to do is get into a fight with someone who is mentally unstable. Enter Milton Bradley.
Bradley is a crazed man who would do anything to defend himself. I would not rule out any Mike Tyson tactics when it comes to Milton.
Like Putz, he is another one who probably had to go up against a lot of bullies as a kid.
My view on Chris Carpenter completely changed after the brawl against the Reds last year.
I always saw him as the real quiet, professional and laid-back guy, and then he goes bananas and instigates with Dusty Baker to get the fight really under way.
It also took about eight men to restrain Carpenter at the beginning of the fight.
They always say to watch out for the quiet ones.
I think the video speaks for itself.
Farnsworth had the great takedown and ground and pound to get the victory by unanimous decision.
Ron Washington has definitely been around the block a few times.
He is nowhere near being the biggest man, but there is no telling what will happen when he has you in a fight.
I don't think it is out of the realm of possibility for him to slurp your brain out of your skull. Or at least Washington will think he is doing that to you...
The tallest player in MLB history was going to find his way onto this list. He is 290 lbs. and still looks skinny. That is what happen when you tower over people at 6'11".
Rauch may not be the strongest guy in baseball, but he can got a shot off on any batter charging the mound well before he comes close to even reaching the mound.
Matt Stairs wins the distinction of being the smallest (5'9" and 200 lbs.) and oldest (43) player to make it onto the list.
Stairs has made a career of coming in for one at-bat a game and crushing balls. Fighting is all about having explosive power and being able to exert that power in a quick span. They seem like a match made in heaven.
Stairs is definitely that guy who finishes off a bar brawl by breaking a bottle and charging at someone.