"Did you hear about what Dillon said to Chloe?" "I can't believe Brandon did that to Sharon, he deserves a long walk off a short pier!" "They brought Dakota back from the dead for the FOURTH time? I can't believe it! What a storyline!"
Mock drafting is a complete soap opera. I hate soap operas. And this time of year, that's all we get out of the NFL pundits, "professionals" and random uninformed bloggers throughout the interweb.
It's like believing John Cena's win over the Undertaker was a feat of unimaginable strength and courage. It's like a blurry light from an incredibly shaky home video is the honest truth that there are "others" out there who either want to destroy our entire civilization or "just trying to get back home." And it's like Tara Reid. A complete and utter train wreck.
Shut up. Just shut up. You don't know who's going to be drafted by who. Neither do I. But at least I'm not pretending to know. 99 percent of mock drafts are laughable, and the other one percent gets five of the 32 picks correct and claims victory while the others slink off and change their screen names. It's as much of a waste of time as watching "The Bold and the Beautiful," wrestling, or any Tara movie besides Van Wilder.
I'm a giant Lions fan unfortunately, and I see this entire draft playing out like the Brandon Pettigrew pick from last year. It was near the middle of the pack, just like they have again this year, and everyone had an idea of who should've been taken.
Everyone guessed wrong.
And guess what? The Lions have a middle of the pack selection again. And again. And again. For about seven rounds. Martin Mayhew, like most general managers around the National Football League, take who they consider the best player available is. Unless your name is Al Davis, and then you take whoever can run a 3.9 forty.
Yet most writers, bloggers and other blowhard windowlickers claim a team will take "this player" or "that player" because of a hole in their secondary two deep. Stop it. Can't we all just understand that we have exactly one percent of the information that the teams we love have, and just enjoy the process and root for the players that are signed? And this comes from an individual that had to endure Matt Millen's regime, which most outsiders still don't understand.
My advice? Enjoy the weekend, and root for your team to acquire some talent. Believe they have more information than you do before you scream at your television telling everyone how dumb your GM is. Because it's all the more likely that in the end, you will be the one who looks ridiculous.
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