The Dumbest Criminals in Sports

Sean BeckwithContributor IApril 29, 2011

The Dumbest Criminals in Sports

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    LEBANON - JANUARY 14: New York Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress arrives at the Lebanon County Courthouse January 14, 2009 in Lebanon, Pa.  Burress is scheduled to appear in a civil trial in a dispute with an automobile dealer over what he owes in dama
    Chris Gardner/Getty Images

    For the record, any athlete who gets arrested is dumb. Some more than others but if you're privileged enough to play pro sports or college ball, BE SMART! If you make millions of dollars that means you can afford a cab. DUIs should never happen. If you have to carry a gun, register it. If you can't register a gun, hire a bodyguard to carry one.

    I understand college athletes don't have enough money to do these things but you can still be smart. If you're underage and want to drink, go to house parties. I've been to loads of house parties that get busted and, unless the cops have a complex or you run, you will be asked to leave without repercussions.

    However, there isn't a way around a DUI, so just don't drive drunk.

    Side note: I don't know a way around a fight besides backing down.

    Side note II: Athletes have egos and hate backing down to any physical challenge. Just swallow your pride. Haters are everywhere.

25: Rasheed Wallace and Damon Stoudamire

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    LOS ANGELES, CA - JUNE 17:  Rasheed Wallace #30 of the Boston Celtics reacts against the Los Angeles Lakers in Game Seven of the 2010 NBA Finals at Staples Center on June 17, 2010 in Los Angeles, California.  NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and
    Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

    The only thing that could make loyal Portland Trail Blazer fans turn their backs on their team was the Jail Blazers.

    The two co-captains were driving back to Portland after a win over the Supersonics. It's about a three-hour drive but they not only needed to speed but they allegedly needed to smoke weed as well. Of course they got pulled over and charged with possession of marijuana.

24: Pacman Jones

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    ATLANTA - OCTOBER 24:  Adam Jones #24 of the Cincinnati Bengals against the Atlanta Falcons at Georgia Dome on October 24, 2010 in Atlanta, Georgia.  (Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)
    Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

    Pacman Jones doesn't understand that when you make it rain, strippers stop dancing to pick up the money. After all, stripping isn't a voluntary position. This enraged Pacman and his solution was slamming the strippers head into the stage. Anybody who has ever been to a strip club knows how strict they are about the most minute details.

    (Story from ESPN).

23: Eugene Robinson

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    Eugene Robinson, also known as "The Prophet" because of his strict religious beliefs, needed to relieve a little stress before the Atlanta Falcons met the Denver Broncos in Superbowl XXXIII. He went out on the town looking for the services of a lady of the night. Instead, he found an undercover police officer. John Elway and the Broncos torched the Falcons in the Superbowl.

    (Story from CNN).

22: John Daly

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    PALM HARBOR, FL - MARCH 17:  John Daly plays a shot during the first round of the Transitions Championship at Innisbrook Resort and Golf Club on March 17, 2011 in Palm Harbor, Florida.  (Photo by Sam Greenwood/Getty Images)
    Sam Greenwood/Getty Images

    John Daly is mentally fragile and is easily seduced by alcohol and women. During a drunken stint at Hooters, his charm was lost on the employees. His inebriation was so rampant that they had to escort him out of the establishment. The cops were called and upon arrival found emergency workers treating the briefly unconscious Daly.

    (Story from ESPN).

21: Francisco Rodriguez

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    WASHINGTON, DC - APRIL 26:  Francisco Rodriguez #75 of the New York Mets celebrates after a 6-4 victory against the Washington Nationals at Nationals Park on April 26, 2011 in Washington, DC.   (Photo by Greg Fiume/Getty Images)
    Greg Fiume/Getty Images

    Francisco "K-Rod" Rodriguez did something that many married men probably wanted to do at one point or another. After a game with the Colorado Rockies K-Rod physically assaulted his father-in-law in a very public, very non-discrete way. In the Citi Field family lounge, K-Rod and his father-in-law got into a verbal altercation and K-Rod ended by punching him in the face.

    (Story from NBC).

20: Cedric Benson

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    BALTIMORE, MD - JANUARY 2:  Cedric Benson #32 of the Cincinnati Bengals runs the ball against the Baltimore Ravens at M&T Bank Stadium on January 2, 2011 in Baltimore, Maryland. The Ravens defeated the Bengals 13-6. (Photo by Larry French/Getty Images)
    Larry French/Getty Images

    You have to try really hard to get a boating while intoxicated charge. It's like getting a BUI (Biking Under the Influence) which is a real charge by the way. I don't know what's more surprising, Cedric Benson getting a boating while intoxicated charge or avoiding the police during his time with Bengals.

    (Story from ESPN).

19: Kevin Mitchell

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    Former major league baseball player Kevin Mitchell made the mistake of taking care of his father. Well, until Mitchell's dad couldn't come up with rent.

    What did Mitchell do? He punched his father in the face. IN THE FACE! (Sorry, I just love Ron Riggle in the "Hangover".) I don't understand what happened to all his MLB money but apparently he couldn't float his dad anymore.

18: Randy Moss

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    KANSAS CITY, MO - DECEMBER 26:  Receiver Randy Moss #84 of the Tennessee Titans warms up prior to the start of the game against the Kansas City Chiefs on December 26, 2010 at Arrowhead Stadium in Kansas City, Missouri.  (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images
    Jamie Squire/Getty Images

    Randy Moss is one of my favorite off-the-field athletes of all time. From the "straight cash homie" line to bouncing around from college to college until eligible for the draft, I'm fascinated.

    In September 2004, Moss was driving in downtown Minneapolis when he attempted an illegal turn. A traffic control officer, Amy Zacarrdi, stepped in his way to stop him. Moss hit her with his car but apparently not enough for the assault with a deadly weapon charge to stick. When the police finally stopped him, they found a small amount of marijuana in the car.

    Moss settled with the traffic control officer in civil court and she was rumored to receive close to six figures.

17: Jeremiah Masoli

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    BATON ROUGE, LA - NOVEMBER 20:  Jeremiah Masoli #8 of the Ole Miss Rebels against the Louisiana State University Tigers at Tiger Stadium on November 20, 2010 in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.  (Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)
    Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

    Jeremiah Masoli and former Oregon teammate Garrett Embry stole a projector and two laptop computers from a frat house. The victim actually spotted the two members of the Oregon Ducks football team leaving the part of the house where the computers and projector were. He chased down Embry who gave what he had back then contacted the Eugene police. Masoli was convicted of the charge and suspended for a year.

    He would've be eligible to play this upcoming season but he was pulled over and cited for driving with a suspended license, failure to stop and possession of marijuana. Oregon coach Chip Kelly then permanently kicked Masoli off the team.

    Side note: Masoli played for Ole Miss last season.

    (Story from Fox Sports.)

16: Lawrence Phillips

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    Former NFL running back Lawrence Phillips is certifiably crazy. However, his most ridiculous arrest came after his football career. Phillips got into a dispute with three teenagers following a pick-up football game. Phillips ended the dispute by running his car into the group of teens.

    He's serving 31 years in prison for that assault coupled with another domestic dispute.

    (Story from ESPN.)

15: Michael Irvin

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    MIAMI - OCTOBER 29: Former NFL Hall of Fame receiver Michael Irvin points prior to the Miami Heat's game against the Orlando Magic at American Airlines Arena on October 29, 2010 in Miami, Florida.  NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that
    Marc Serota/Getty Images

    Picking a Michael Irvin/dumb criminal story is challenging. Do I go with a vintage Irving arrest or a new one? I'm picking his latest one. Getting caught with a pipe is one thing but the story behind his 2005 arrest is another. He said he patted down a friend who had been "battling addiction" upon entering his house for dinner. Next he put the pipe in his car. Well he was pulled over for speeding and cops searched his car. They found the pipe and multiple bags with marijuana residue. Irvin said he forgot the pipe was there.

    I'm not a criminal mastermind by any means but hiding a pipe in your car, as opposed to throwing it away, defies common sense.

    (Story from USA Today.)

14: Dick Williams

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    COOPERSTOWN, NY - JULY 27:  Hall of Famer Dick Williams waves to the crowd after his induction into the Baseball Hall of Fame at Clark Sports Center on July 27, 2008 in Cooperstown, New York.  (Photo by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)
    Jim McIsaac/Getty Images

    Hall of Fame baseball manager Dick Williams pleaded no contest to indecent exposure. I'm not going to go into to graphic detail about the incident but I will give you WIlliams' quote in response to the rumors about the case.

    "What came out on that in the papers was not true. I was not masturbating on the balcony. I'm going to issue a statement about it so the explanation goes across the country," Williams said.

    Insert first name joke here.

13: Tonya Harding

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    INDIANAPOLIS, IN - MARCH 12:  Tonya Harding talks to the media after a boxing exhibition during the second period intermission at the Colorado Eagles versus Indianapolis Ice hockey game at the Pepsi Coliseum on March 12, 2004 in Indianapolis, Indiana. (Ph
    Andy Lyons/Getty Images

    The name Tonya Harding makes me shutter whenever I hear it. Harding had a hit put out on fellow United States skater and competitor Nacy Kerrigan. Shane Stant, the attacker, hit Kerrigan with a collapsible police baton just above the knee. Authorities traced the hit back to Harding because her ex-husband Jeff Gollooly and body guard, Shawn Ekhardt, hired the attacker.

    This also marked the first and last time "paid hit" and "figure skating" appeared in the same story.

12: Ed Belfour

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    SUNRISE, FL - APRIL 1: Goaltender Ed Belfour #20 of the Florida Panthers makes a save against the Carolina Hurricanes in the second period at the Bank Atlantic Center on April 1, 2007 in Sunrise, Florida. (Photo by Eliot J. Schechter/Getty Images)
    Eliot J. Schechter/Getty Images

    During the 2000-2001 season Eddie Belfour drank too much and frightened a female companion and she called the cops. It sounds like a routine domestic disturbance call . However, when the police arrested him, he decided to try to bribe them. His offer to them was one billion dollars. It's one thing to try a bribe but it's another thing to insult the cops' intelligence with an over-the-top, "Austin Powers" bribe.

11: Lawrence Taylor

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    NEW CITY, NY - MARCH 22:  Former professional football player Lawrence Taylor (4rd from L) is seen leaving the courthouse after his hearing at Rockland County Courthouse on March 22, 2011 in New City, New York.  (Photo by Mike Coppola/Getty Images)
    Mike Coppola/Getty Images

    You never want to here rape, 16-year-old prostitute and Lawrence Taylor in the same sentence if you're a New York Giants fan. I understand you don't think about checking a hooker's ID but come on LT. LT you're too old to be fornicating with anyone who looks younger than 30 years old.

    (Story from Fox News.)

10: Pedro Guerrero

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    In 1999 Pedro Guerrero, a career .300 hitter for the Dodgers and Cardinals from 1978 to 1992, tried to buy a large amount of cocaine from an undercover cop. The amount was an astonishing 33 lbs. Now you're thinking, how many years is he serving? He didn't serve a year.

    His attorney's brilliant case to get his client off was to argue that Guerrero's IQ was so low that he didn't realize he was participating in a drug deal. It sounds extremely smart of the lawyer but I'm not giving Guerrero any credit.

    "Hey Pedro, this is what we're going to do. I'm going to argue that you're too stupid to know what's going on."

    "I don't get it."


9: Eddie Griffin

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    LOS ANGELES, CA - NOVEMBER 05:  Chris Kaman #35 of the Los Angeles Clippers drives to the basket for a dunk attempt between Eddie Griffin #41 (L) and Kevin Garnett #21 (R) of the Minnesota Timberwolves November 5, 2005 at Staples Center in Los Angeles, Ca
    Chris Chambers/Getty Images

    The late Eddie Griffin had multiple problems. His alcoholism routinely got him into trouble with the law and a number of NBA teams. On March 30, 2005 Griffin got into a car crash. He was intoxicated but that isn't half the story.

    Apparently, Griffin was watching a porn movie on his dashboard DVD player and masturbating at the same time thus causing him to crash and adding another reason why you shouldn't have a television in your car.

8: Michael Vick

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    PHILADELPHIA, PA - JANUARY 09:  Michael Vick #7 of the Philadelphia Eagles reacts against the Green Bay Packers during the 2011 NFC wild card playoff game at Lincoln Financial Field on January 9, 2011 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.  (Photo by Chris Trotma
    Chris Trotman/Getty Images

    Michael Vick had his fair share of legal troubles but perhaps the most entertaining involved his alias "Ron Mexico". Sonya Elliot filed a civil suit against Vick claiming that he gave her genital herpes even though he knew he had the disease. During the hearing it was alleged that Vick visited multiple clinics under the alias "Ron Mexico" to receive treatments for the disease.

7: Miguel Cabrera

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    DETROIT - APRIL 26:  Miguel Cabrera #24 of the Detroit Tigers during the game against the Seattle Mariners at Comerica Park on April 26, 2011 in Detroit, Michigan. The Mariners defeated the Tigers 7-3.  (Photo by Leon Halip/Getty Images)
    Leon Halip/Getty Images

    Miguel Cabrera's recent DUI arrest was nothing short of epic. The cops stopped him when they noticed his engine was smoking. Cops smelled alcohol when Cabrera rolled down the window. Cabrera's speech was impaired but cops knew Cabrera was hammered when he took a pull from a bottle of scotch he had in his passenger street.

    (Story from ESPN.)

6: Najeh Davenport

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    PITTSBURGH - 2008:  Najeh Davenport of the Pittsburgh Steelers poses for his 2008 NFL headshot at photo day in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.  (Photo by Getty Images)
    Getty Images/Getty Images

    The Green Bay Packers hold training camp at Barry University. Apparently Najeh "Dump Truck" Davenport had a college flashback during his time there. Davenport broke into a woman's dorm and defecated in the woman's laundry basket.

    Davenport accepted a plea bargain and had to complete 100 hours of community service. However, upon leaving the courtroom he shouted, "Where's the evidence? Where's the manure?"

    I'm sure everybody involved was relieved they didn't save the evidence.

    (Story from CNN.)

5: Pat Mcafee

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    INDIANAPOLIS - JANUARY 16:  Pat McAfee #1 of the Indianapolis Colts punts the ball out of the Colts endzone against the Baltimore Ravens in the AFC Divisional Playoff Game at Lucas Oli Stadium on January 16, 2010 in Indianapolis, Indiana.  (Photo by Andy
    Andy Lyons/Getty Images

    The Colts punter went for a late-night drunken swim. I'm sure we've all done this in one way or another. However, McAfee decided to swim in a canal in an Indianapolis night-life district. When the cops asked him why he was wet, he told them because it was raining. Common sense and dry pavement proved otherwise. The cops were initially called to the scene because a shirtless McAfee tried to enter a woman's car prompting her to call the police.

    (Story from ESPN.)

4: Mike Leake

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    CINCINNATI, OH - APRIL 21: Mike Leake #44 of the Cincinnati Reds takes a drink of water before taking the mound against the Arizona Diamondbacks at Great American Ball Park on April 21, 2011 in Cincinnati, Ohio. The Reds defeated the Diamondbacks 7-4. (Ph
    Joe Robbins/Getty Images

    Mike Leake did his best Wynona Ryder impersonation when he stole six American Rag T-Shirts from Macys. The total value of the shirts was $59.88. Leake is making $425,000 this year. If Leake spent his entire years salary on American Rag t-shirts he could buy 42,585 shirts.

    (Story from Huffington Post.)

3: Nate Newton

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    17 Jul 1998:  Offensive lineman Nate Newton #61 of the Dallas Cowboys exercises during the 1998 Dallas Cowboys Training Camp at the Midwestern State University in Wichita Falls, Texas. Mandatory Credit: Stephen Dunn  /Allsport
    Stephen Dunn/Getty Images

    Nate Newton was arrested twice in a month with loads of marijuana. The first arrest he had 213 lbs of weed and the second arrest he had 175 lbs of weed. How he get out of jail less than a month after the first arrest is mind boggling. Why he tried to do it again five weeks later is mind numbing.

    (Story from CNN.)

2: OJ Simpson

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    LAS VEGAS - DECEMBER 05:  O.J. Simpson smiles as he arrives in court for his sentencing hearing at the Clark County Regional Justice Center December 5, 2008 in Las Vegas, Nevada. Simpson and co-defendant Clarence 'C.J.' Stewart were sentenced on 12 charge
    Ethan Miller/Getty Images

    No this slide is not dedicated to OJ's murder trial or his run from the police in the infamous white Bronco. This slide is about his recent arrest and conviction for stealing some of his own sports memorabilia.

    OJ and a band of crooks broke into a Las Vegas hotel room of Bruce Fromong, a former sports memorabilia dealer, and stole OJ sports memorabilia at gunpoint. When questioned the day after the incident OJ said,

    "I'm O.J. Simpson. How am I going to think that I'm going to rob somebody and get away with it? Besides, I thought what happens in Las Vegas stays in Las Vegas."

    What flawless logic. If I just use the mantra of the city they will let me off the hook. OJ was convicted of all 12 charges and sentenced to 33 years in prison and is eligible for parole after nine years.

    (Story from New York Times.)

1: Plaxico Burress

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    LEBANON - JANUARY 14: New York Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress walks through security as he arrives at the Lebanon County Courthouse January 14, 2009 in Lebanon, Pa.  Burress is scheduled to appear in a civil trial in a dispute with an automobile dea
    Chris Gardner/Getty Images

    Plaxico Burress was carrying an unregistered gun. Multiple athletes have been charged with the same but the way we found out about the gun is why he's in the countdown.

    Burress, during the season mind you, went out clubbing with some teammates. He didn't get in an altercation or pull his gun in self defense. He shot himself in the leg and, with New York's strict gun laws, received two years in prison and two years supervised release.

    (Story from New York Daily News.)