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The NBA's Sexiest: An Assessment of the Most Talented Dancer on Each Team

Washington's BulletContributor IIApril 22, 2011

The NBA's Sexiest: An Assessment of the Most Talented Dancer on Each Team

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    Previously unbeknownst to me, the NBA doesn't actually have cheerleaders anymore.  Instead, every franchise has a dance team with some kind of cutesy title like the "Luvabulls" in Chicago, the "Pacemates" in Indiana and the "Honeybees" in Oklahoma City.

    If the NBA dance teams had an All-Star game, then you are about to see the starting rosters.  The following 30 slides show the most talented pom-pom waivers and booty-shakers in the business.    

    This article represents one man's journey to find the sexiest picture of the hottest girl on every NBA dance team.     

    The teams are in no order, except for the Eastern Conference goes first.

    Who is really watching the game anyway?


The Boston Celtics

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    Introducing Ashley.

    If Red Auerbach had seen her, then the Celtics might have allowed dancers a little sooner.     

The New Jersey Nets

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    A cheerleader doing a spread-eagle dunk multiplies her hotness by a factor of 4.75.

The New York Knicks

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    This is her rookie season.  

    The thought of her developing further should really fill some seats.

The Philadelphia 76ers

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    Ashanti is stunningly stunning.

    If the Sixers retire her jersey, then she has to take it off, right?


The Toronto Raptors

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    I couldn't find her name.  

    You don't mind.

The Chicago Bulls

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    Derrick Rose might win the MVP, but he couldn't have done it without the Luvabulls.

    Sure, he probably could have.  

    But who would want to?

The Cleveland Cavaliers

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    Number 447 swore she would never leave Cleveland.    

The Detroit Pistons

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    The Pistons' cheerleading team isn't in rebuilding mode as long as they have Aireal on the roster. 

The Indiana Pacers

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    What is there to say about this one?  

    The NBA is truly magical.

The Milwaukee Bucks

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    This dance move is called, "Dunk the Invisible Child."  

    It's a fan favorite.

The Atlanta Hawks

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    The Hawks don't mess around.  

    They skip straight to the swimwear round.

The Charlotte Bobcats

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    That's a lot of bracelets. 

    I hope it doesn't affect her pom-pom shaking. 

The Miami Heat

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    The Heat are not shy with the photoshop tool.

    Makes one wonder why they don't use that on Chris Bosh, too.  


The Orlando Magic

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    Jenna is a third year veteran.

    She has a great core but really lacks Dwight Howard's shoulders. 

The Washington Wizards

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    Her bio says that she once helped her uncle build a dock on a frozen lake.

    It also says that she can't live without her iPod.

    Clearly, this is a fascinating woman, and we should not be objectifying her.

The Dallas Mavericks

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    Trying not to become a Mavericks fan.

    Trying not to become a Mavericks fan. 

    Trying not to become a Mavericks fan. 

    Trying not to become a Mavericks fan. 

    Darn it!

The Houston Rockets

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    Is this calendar for sale anywhere?

    Someone find me a link!

The Memphis Grizzlies

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    Reasons to be a Grizzlies fan? 

    I can think of only one. 

The New Orleans Hornets

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    Her bio says that she would like to see Kristen Stewart from Twilight knocked out in celebrity boxing.

    That is admittedly funny.

The San Antonio Spurs

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    You're not in Kansas anymore.

    Seriously, this is San Antonio.

The Denver Nuggets

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    I'd trade Carmelo Anthony for her.  

The Minnesota Timberwolves

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    Ever since Garnett was traded, they have been referring to Allie as "The Big Ticket."

    That's because she has become their number one draw.

The Portland Trail Blazers

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    She doesn't look injured, but I'm certain she is works for the Blazers.

    None of this makes sense!

    Fruity buffet for the win!

The Oklahoma City Thunder

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    Lindsay is still angry about Seattle losing their franchise.  

    She still has a Ray Allen poster in her room.  She still wears her Gary Payton pajamas.

    She is furious that she lost her Shawn Kemp lunchbox in the move. 

The Utah Jazz

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    Those shorts obviously came before Chris Webber and the Fab Five. 

The Golden State Warriors

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    Curry won the skills challenge so that she could go to college.  

The Los Angeles Clippers

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    The real reason Bill Simmons buys Clippers season tickets.  And you wonder why he only writes an article once every few months.

The Los Angeles Lakers

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    She is thriving under Phil Jackson's leadership.  She convinced all the other dancers to implement the Pyramid offense.

    Enjoying mental image. 

The Phoenix Suns

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    The reason the Suns have been unable to make the finals is because she really turns it on in the postseason.

    She makes Nash lose his concentration; And he can't play D!  


The Sacramento Kings

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    She looks better in purple than the Kings do.

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