The NBA's Sexiest: An Assessment of the Most Talented Dancer on Each Team

Washington's BulletContributor IIApril 22, 2011

The NBA's Sexiest: An Assessment of the Most Talented Dancer on Each Team

0 of 30

    Previously unbeknownst to me, the NBA doesn't actually have cheerleaders anymore.  Instead, every franchise has a dance team with some kind of cutesy title like the "Luvabulls" in Chicago, the "Pacemates" in Indiana and the "Honeybees" in Oklahoma City.

    If the NBA dance teams had an All-Star game, then you are about to see the starting rosters.  The following 30 slides show the most talented pom-pom waivers and booty-shakers in the business.    

    This article represents one man's journey to find the sexiest picture of the hottest girl on every NBA dance team.     

    The teams are in no order, except for the Eastern Conference goes first.

    Who is really watching the game anyway?


The Boston Celtics

1 of 30

    Introducing Ashley.

    If Red Auerbach had seen her, then the Celtics might have allowed dancers a little sooner.     

The New Jersey Nets

2 of 30

    A cheerleader doing a spread-eagle dunk multiplies her hotness by a factor of 4.75.

The New York Knicks

3 of 30

    This is her rookie season.  

    The thought of her developing further should really fill some seats.

The Philadelphia 76ers

4 of 30

    Ashanti is stunningly stunning.

    If the Sixers retire her jersey, then she has to take it off, right?


The Toronto Raptors

5 of 30

    I couldn't find her name.  

    You don't mind.

The Chicago Bulls

6 of 30

    Derrick Rose might win the MVP, but he couldn't have done it without the Luvabulls.

    Sure, he probably could have.  

    But who would want to?

The Cleveland Cavaliers

7 of 30

    Number 447 swore she would never leave Cleveland.    

The Detroit Pistons

8 of 30

    The Pistons' cheerleading team isn't in rebuilding mode as long as they have Aireal on the roster. 

The Indiana Pacers

9 of 30

    What is there to say about this one?  

    The NBA is truly magical.

The Milwaukee Bucks

10 of 30

    This dance move is called, "Dunk the Invisible Child."  

    It's a fan favorite.

The Atlanta Hawks

11 of 30

    The Hawks don't mess around.  

    They skip straight to the swimwear round.

The Charlotte Bobcats

12 of 30

    That's a lot of bracelets. 

    I hope it doesn't affect her pom-pom shaking. 

The Miami Heat

13 of 30

    The Heat are not shy with the photoshop tool.

    Makes one wonder why they don't use that on Chris Bosh, too.  


The Orlando Magic

14 of 30

    Jenna is a third year veteran.

    She has a great core but really lacks Dwight Howard's shoulders. 

The Washington Wizards

15 of 30

    Her bio says that she once helped her uncle build a dock on a frozen lake.

    It also says that she can't live without her iPod.

    Clearly, this is a fascinating woman, and we should not be objectifying her.

The Dallas Mavericks

16 of 30

    Trying not to become a Mavericks fan.

    Trying not to become a Mavericks fan. 

    Trying not to become a Mavericks fan. 

    Trying not to become a Mavericks fan. 

    Darn it!

The Houston Rockets

17 of 30

    Is this calendar for sale anywhere?

    Someone find me a link!

The Memphis Grizzlies

18 of 30

    Reasons to be a Grizzlies fan? 

    I can think of only one. 

The New Orleans Hornets

19 of 30

    Her bio says that she would like to see Kristen Stewart from Twilight knocked out in celebrity boxing.

    That is admittedly funny.

The San Antonio Spurs

20 of 30

    You're not in Kansas anymore.

    Seriously, this is San Antonio.

The Denver Nuggets

21 of 30

    I'd trade Carmelo Anthony for her.  

The Minnesota Timberwolves

22 of 30

    Ever since Garnett was traded, they have been referring to Allie as "The Big Ticket."

    That's because she has become their number one draw.

The Portland Trail Blazers

23 of 30

    She doesn't look injured, but I'm certain she is works for the Blazers.

    None of this makes sense!

    Fruity buffet for the win!

The Oklahoma City Thunder

24 of 30

    Lindsay is still angry about Seattle losing their franchise.  

    She still has a Ray Allen poster in her room.  She still wears her Gary Payton pajamas.

    She is furious that she lost her Shawn Kemp lunchbox in the move. 

The Utah Jazz

25 of 30

    Those shorts obviously came before Chris Webber and the Fab Five. 

The Golden State Warriors

26 of 30

    Curry won the skills challenge so that she could go to college.  

The Los Angeles Clippers

27 of 30

    The real reason Bill Simmons buys Clippers season tickets.  And you wonder why he only writes an article once every few months.

The Los Angeles Lakers

28 of 30

    She is thriving under Phil Jackson's leadership.  She convinced all the other dancers to implement the Pyramid offense.

    Enjoying mental image. 

The Phoenix Suns

29 of 30

    The reason the Suns have been unable to make the finals is because she really turns it on in the postseason.

    She makes Nash lose his concentration; And he can't play D!  


The Sacramento Kings

30 of 30

    She looks better in purple than the Kings do.