Nothing says domination like a purple-suited John Turturro letting you know that “Nobody’s fucks with the Jesus.” This piece of classic cinema is peppered with idiotic characters, drug infused dream sequences, and downright ridiculous dialogue. Between you and me, I’m getting tired of Sean McDonough over at ESPN giving this team a pass as re-building. Shut the fuck up, Donnie! K-State isn’t the rug that pulls the Big 12 together; they’re nihilists who don’t believe in anything, just like winning football games.
OKLAHOMA STATE – NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD
Zombies are terrifying, when you’re six! If you have two working legs, a pistol, shovel, tire iron, or anything that has more reach than a pair of outstretched arms, you can whoop a zombie’s ass. Every now and then a zombie makes a statement and eats a slow fat kid alive. But they falter when they have to face someone with a clear cut advantage, like someone with a brain or a soul. I don’t care who “The Man” is on campus up there, this team is a bunch of deadbeats.
TEXAS TECH – RED DAWN
Crabtree could probably give Swayze a run for his money as the only other man that could take on the whole of the red army in rural America. Yeah, Swayze was bad ass, and we all remember the helicopters, and football players hiding in the woods with hunting rifles. But you only talk about Red Dawn when you hear someone else mention it. This movie was terrible, and you know it. Every now and then you yell WOLVERINES, just to show that you have a sense of cult classic culture, but you really hate this movie, and wish the rest of the world did too. Remember when Robert gets gunned down in a hailstorm of bullets? That’s what Tech is going to look like in the BCS this year. Just like everything else in Sleezy's life, they will come up a bit short.
OKLAHOMA – THE BOONDOCK SAINTS
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