Tom Brady and the Best Cryers in Sports
Soft is an adjective athletes hate to hear.
Soft hands is the exception, but think about it any other way. You don't want to be mentally soft or physically soft or a soft big man. International basketball players are considered soft, but don't confuse skill set with soft.
Is Andrea Bargnani soft because he only grabs five rebounds per game as a seven footer? Yes. Manu Ginobli is not soft, even if some of his flops garner praise from soccer players.
The quickest way to get labeled soft is to cry after losing. Some of these athletes' tears are justified; some are not and. Trust me—you'll know my stance.
25: Giants Fan
I had to make one exception because this isn't a crying fan list, but this guy is too much. He was so distraught that he earned a Web Redemption on Tosh.0. I've never cried over a game because getting drunk and avoiding ESPN for a couple days is easier.
*Discretion is advised for strong language, as this guy whines with nothing but F-Bombs.
24: Mizzou Player Crying
This wonderful moment came two years ago when Nebraska came back and beat Mizzou on an ESPN Thursday night game. Fortunately for Danario Alexander, the video clip is not on Youtube. Alexander emerged as the best receiver on the St. Louis Rams, partly due to injuries to other receivers and partly due to the Rams' lacking talent at wideout.
Side note: As a Nebraska fan, I usually shy away from bringing bad karma on the Huskers, but we're not in the Big 12 anymore.
23: John McEnroe
He never technically cried, but if you whine like a three-year-old being dragged out of Toy-R-Us then you're on the list.
Side note: My dad hates whining. He actually had a shirt with the word whining in a red circle and a line through it. On the back of the shirt it said: "Want a little cheese with that whine?"
22: Miami Heat
I wish we knew which players were crying. Since we don't, I'll take a couple guesses. Chris Bosh, Chris Bosh and Chris Bosh. Maybe Bosh shouldn't have screamed like a jackass during the Heat's championship celebration. Wait, what? That wasn't a championship celebration? Could've fooled me.
Side note: Don't post Bosh's numbers against Philly and say: "Look, is he still soft?"
Side note II: If he does it against Amar'e or KG in the second round, post away.
21: Tracy McGrady
The outline for this slide should look like this:
Insert T-Mac never-getting-out-of-the-first-round joke here.
Rip him for only being a good regular-season player.
I'm not going to do that. Instead I'm going to rip the Toronto Raptors' management. They had Vince Carter, when he was actually trying, and his distant cousin, T-Mac, on the same team. Tracy never played and they traded him to Orlando where he became a star. Good move. They would've been the 2011 Miami Heat minus Bosh, but fans would've loved them.
20: Kevin Garnett
You had to feel for KG during his time with Minnesota, but you should never shed a tear for Flip Saunders. He's a good offensive coach, but his teams never play defense. Maybe that's why he was so successful with KG, because KG plays D.
Side note: KG starts to tear up around the 4:22 mark.
19: Sasha Vujacic
No visible tears are shed, but I like to think that every time Sasha puts on a Nets uniform, he thinks of how Ray Allen ended his career as a Laker. Allen was so confident he could beat Sasha that he waved off Pierce and KG, and then embarrassed "The Machine." I'm pretty sure Kobe wanted to trade Sasha immediately after that.
Side note: Sasha is engaged to Maria Sharapova. Touche.
18: Marion Jones
Marion Jones took steroids, went to prison and had her Olympic medals taken away. The court also sentenced her to four years in the WNBA.
Side note: I thought cruel and unusual punishment was illegal in the United States.
17: Glen "Big Baby" Davis
I had no problem with KG ripping Big Baby and I didn't have a problem with Davis' reaction. I just assumed the guy with the nickname "Big Baby" cries all the time.
Side note: He's an important piece in the Celtics' 2011 playoff run. I didn't think that was ever going to happen when I first saw this.
16: Mark Cuban
Mark Cuban isn't a bad guy, but he runs his mouth so much that you wouldn't know it. Dirk Nowitzki has never cried publicly, but he's still soft. Dirk has a silky smooth jumper, but he doesn't rebound enough or play enough defense for my taste.
Side note: Sweet goatee Cuban.
15: Tom Brady
I guess I never understood why Tom Brady should've gone higher than the sixth round. He never started at Michigan. It's inspiring that he's one of the all-time great quarterbacks ever, but why would he go any sooner than the sixth round?
I have a hard time feeling bad for Brady.
This is video of T.O. trying to be a good teammate. However, I wish Jerry Jones would have cut T.O. right before this press conference. I'd like to believe T.O. would've questioned Tony Romo's sexuality, thrown Wade Philips under the bus and brought up Romo botching the handle in the Seattle playoff game. What can I say, I have a sick sense of humor.
13: Brandt Snedeker
Augusta will break golfers down. Ask Rory Mcilroy (too soon?). Golfers shouldn't be allowed to cry because they can only blame themselves for losing.
Side note: Did you catch the anchor laughing at him? Heartless.
Side note II: Am I heartless because I laughed as well?
12: Adam Morrison
I can't believe this guy was a top five pick. What's even harder to believe is he has an NBA Finals championship ring. I wish I had tape of Dickie V talking about how J.J. Redick and Morrison are legit NBA players. The only reason Redick still plays is because Orlando's offense is a gimmick.
Side note: J.J. gels his hair before games.
11: Dick Vermeil
I can't understand why Youtube doesn't have video of Vermeil crying. The guy cried over anything. I bet he can't get through the "Save the Polar Bears" commercial without crying.
Side note: The "Save the Polar Bears" commercial is actually kind of sad.
10: Brett Favre
Until this year, I bet Green Bay fans watched this video for a little morale boost when Brett was making a playoff run. If Favre tries to come back this year, I bet Roger Goodell re-opens the Jenn Sterger case, suspends him for four games and hopes he goes away.
Side note: Goodell should've suspended him four games this season.
9: Hines Ward
Somebody should've told Hines Ward that The Bus was coming back. Smart move by The Bus to retire on top. Still, that is a ton of tears.
8: Tim Tebow
I think we're going to get a lot more tears out of Tebow. He might break down on the sideline. I can see Denver playing the Patriots and Bill Belichick forcing Tebow to throw 20-yard outs the entire game, followed by Tim sobbing after his third pick-six.
Side note: I feel the Tim Tebow apologists rallying right now.
7: Jake Delhomme
When the Carolina Panthers cut Jake Delhomme, Jake couldn't take it. It's weird because if their kicker keeps the ball in bounds in the Super Bowl, they probably win.
Side note: Delhomme had five interceptions and a fumble in his last game as a Panther.
6: LaDainian Tomlinson
We all knew LT wasn't what he used to be, but the Chargers did him dirty. It's not like he doesn't start the season strong (ssk anybody who had him in fantasy last year). It's not like the Chargers needed another leader. Oh wait, they did. A.J. Smith, what happened to Ryan Matthews?
Side note: Phillip Rivers is not a leader. Ask his offensive linemen.
5: Allen Iverson
Initially, I thought this was a great move by A.I. and the 76ers, but Iverson has too many demons. He could be a better version of Vinny "Microwave" Johnson for a contender. I'm a Portland Trail Blazers fan and I'd rather have him running point in crunch time over Andre "I Have No Jump Shot but I Still Shoot" Miller.
4: Steve Nash
Crying after losing in the Western Conference Finals is justified, but I don't think Nash was crying for that reason. I think he knew his cheap-skate owner wouldn't even try to re-sign Amar'e Stoudemire and the Suns' run was over. I don't blame Steve Kerr for stepping down because how can you do your job when your boss doesn't want to spend money? They tried to replace Amar'e with Hakim Warrick and Marcin Gortat. What a joke. I feel bad for Nash.
3: Wayne Gretzky
I don't have to say much about this video. I bet most Canadians shed a tear on this day.
2: Paul Pierce
It's hard to think that a life-long Lakers fan would embrace the Boston Celtics the way Paul Pierce has. He deserved a ring and, judging by the tears, he truly feels honored to be a Celtic.
1: Michael Jordan
This is pure emotion and it's 100-percent justified. Jordan tops another list.