Welcome to US Bank Arena in Cincinnati, Ohio! All of tonight's matches were inside a steel cage.
Here were the matches in order tonight. The times are approximate.
- Fortune vs. Immortal in a Lethal Lockdown match- 25 minutes
- Sting (C) vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Mr Anderson for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship- 8 minutes
- Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Jarrett—two out of three falls match- 22 minutes
- Madison Rayne (C) vs. Mickie James for the TNA Knockouts Championsip- 2 minutes
- Matt Morgan vs. Hernandez- 12 minutes
- Pope D'Angelo Dinero vs. Samoa Joe- 10 minutes
- Four-Way Tag Team Match: British Invasion (Douglas Williams and Magnus) vs. Eric Young and Orlando Jordan vs. Ink Inc. (Jesse Neal and Shannon Moore) vs. Big Poppa Pump Scott Steiner and Crimson- 12 minutes
- X Division Xscape Match: Max Buck vs. Jeremy Buck vs. Brian Kendrick vs. Chris Sabin vs. Jay Lethal vs. Amazing Red vs. Robbie E vs. Suicide- 15 minutes
Pre-show match: Brother Devon vs. Anarquia
This is actually seen on pay-per-view, believe it or not. This is the first time I have seen a dark match on a pay-per-view.
Later though I would find a deep and disturbing reason why. It's not because Devon wrestled shirtless.
Anarquia and Devon brawl outside the ring before the match starts. Devon even takes an almost empty beer cup and smacks Anarquia.
After ten minutes of solid action, Devon finishes off Anarquia with some kind of spinebuster.
Winner: Brother Devon
The match was a decent way to get the crowd going. It's not a wrestling clinic by any means but it's not bad for a dark match.
Devon rudely assaults Anarquia after the match, smacking him with a plastic water bottle. Devon connects with a suplex into the ramp.
Devon es muy violento. Mexican-America no estuvo aqui.
In other words, Devon is violent and Mexican-America was not there.
Breaking News: A man took off his shirt off while Jeremy Borash told the fans to contact their pay-per-view provider.
Great job at marketing Jeremy Borash! We all want to spend $35 on watching a random fan take off his shirt.
X-Divison X-Scape Match
Chris Sabin is the first to come out to the ring, followed by Robbie E, Jeremy Buck, Max Buck, Amazing Red, Jay Lethal, Brian Kendrick with his zen-like presence and Suicide.
The X-Division X-Scape match is underway. Suicide and Robbie E are the first to wrestle. Is this a tag match?
Robbie E pins Suicide. Suicide is eliminated.
Apparently it is some kind of elimination match and then the final two wrestlers left try to escape the cage.
Chris Sabin nearly took Amazing Red's head off with a JBL-esque clothesline!
Eventually we get down to Brian Kendrick and Max Buck. Buck brilliantly pushed the referee into the cage, forcing Brian Kendrick to fall off.
Buck goes on to easily climb the cage to victory, earning him the number one contender's spot for the X-Division Championship against Kazarian.
8:22 PM EST—Winner: Max Buck
Four-Way Tornado Tag Match
8:30 EST—Scott Steiner cuts an epic promo, saying he'll go all Kobe Bryant on the competition, mainly Orlando Jordan.
What he meant was Kobe called a referee a homophobic slur during a game. He was fined $75,000 for making that remark.
Apparently Big Poppa Pump isn't going to get fined by TNA. Obviously it's because no one is brave enough to go to Steiner and fine him.
Steiner's mic skills are still amazing.
Shannon Moore picks up the win via the Orgasm. Eric Young and Orlando Jordan question our collective sanity by wearing matching tiger trunks. The British invasion make a good showing.
8:43 EST—Winner: Ink Inc
8:50 EST—The Mickie James-Madison Rayne match is underway. If James loses she loses not only the match but her flowing, beautiful locks. Before I look away James is the new champion.
8:52 EST—Winner: Mickie James
We got a tabloid story. Why did this match last only a minute?
Pope vs. Samoa Joe
The boringest (is that a word?) feud in TNA comes to a head right now. I'm just going to skip the analysis of this match.
Samoa Joe pulled Pope's pants down. We are all now traumatized TNA. Hey it could be worse, Pope could have pulled Joe's pants down.
Samoa Joe mercifully ends the match with a rear naked choke.
9:08 EST- Winner: Samoa Joe
I apologize, but the Pope's untimely revelation traumatized me enough to stop writing until the next match ends.
9:23 EST- Matt Morgan executes a spectacular Carbon Footprint as Hernandez jumps off the top rope. Great ending to a not so great match.
Winner: Matt Morgan
After the match Sarita cuts a promo. At least she is nice to look at. Really nice to look at. Velvet Sky comes out and chases away Sarita and Rosita.
Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Jarrett
9:35 EST- The match is underway.
9:39 EST- Angle makes Jarrett submit to the ankle lock. Angle wins first leg of the 2 out of 3 falls match.
9:46 EST- Jeff Jarrett grabs Angle's trunks to get the second fall. Classic Heel 101 right there children. Third fall is underway.
9:49 EST- Kurt Angle's IQ is at 5. He was one step away from winning the match. He could have left the cage and then beaten down on JJ some more.
9:52 EST- Kurt Angle is about to escape the cage until Gunner comes out and starts banging the cage with a chair.
9:53 EST- Kurt Angle just landed a moonsault on Jeff Jarrett from the top of the cage! Actually he didn't land it. Scott Steiner chases Gunner away. Karen Jarrett sprays something on Angle.
9:56 EST- Angle ankle locks Jarrett! Jeff smacks a guitar on Angle! They're both on the ground. The referee Brian Hebner is out cold.
9:57 EST- Karen Jarrett finally wins it for her hubby. Underwhelming ending for a great match.
Winner: Jeff Jarrett
Wow! Let's summarize the action so far.
Max Buck becomes the number one contender for the X-Division belt. Ink Inc wins the four way tag match. Scott Steiner failed to go Kobe Bryant on Orlando Jordan.
Mickie James wins a classic, thirty minute match to restore the knockout's division. Oh wait, it was thirty seconds.
Samoa Joe wins his match but potentially loses his job by pulling down the trunks of the Pope.
The Blueprint Matt Morgan summons his inner-Sheamus and pump kicks Hernandez in the face.
Kurt Angle displays his brilliant IQ and fails to take one last step to win the match. Jeff Jarrett proves he is the smarter of the two by using his wife to win him the match.
Sting (C) vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Mr Anderson for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship
10:10 EST- The Sting-Rob Van Dam-Mr Anderson three way dance for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship is underway.
10:13 EST- Sting does the double Scorpion deathlock on RVD and Anderson. Cool move from an old guy.
10:14 EST- Anderson connects a double mic check.
10:16 EST- Hulk Hogan comes out and gives Rob Van Dam a metal pole.
Is RVD stupid enough to join a group that had Abyss kill him? Thankfully not! At least RVD has a good memory, or Vince Russo for that matter.
Anderson uses it instead. But Sting drops him for the win.
10:18 EST- Winner: Sting
At least TNA doesn't have Jeff Hardy to blame this time. Hulk Hogan just needs to retire and enjoy that money he made.
To be brutally honest it's about time Sting drops the belt. It is clear that he can't work longer than ten minutes per match.
Let Anderson or RVD defeat him at Sacrifice and let Sting fight Hogan and Immortal.
"Sting needs to work on his triceps!" -Jeff Awesome.
We have one more match left. We got Team Immortal vs. Team Fortune in a Lethal Lockdown match. It is a war!
10:21 EST- Immortal comes out to the nWo theme song remix. This definitely is my second favorite theme song behind Edge's timeless theme song.
10:23 EST- Fortune plus Christopher Daniels come out.
I am now going to enjoy the violent, vicious Lethal Lockdown match between a delusional maniac (Matt Hardy), a wannabe prisoner (Bully Ray), another maniac (Abyss), and a man who calls himself God (Ric Flair) and a pretty boy (Kazarian), two drunkards (Beer Money), and a fallen angel who only has fallen hair (Christopher Daniels).
10:25 EST- the match is underway with Abyss facing Kazarian.
10:30 EST- Was I the only one who lost the pay-per-view? Apparently the TV all of the sudden cut off the screen.
Well at least the Angle-Jarrett match was sort of worth it. The reason why they cut it off was so we didn't have to see Ric Flair wrestle.
Oh well, I can't give you the lowdown on the washed up has-beens of Immortal taking on the young studs of Fortune.
At least you won't get to see Fortune job to a man who calls himself God and a bunch of old hooligans. Thankfully that's not the case tonight.
10:50 EST- Ain't no messed up TV can stop me from delivering the results in a professional manner. Fortune picks up a much needed win.
All in all the pay-per-view was not on the level TNA needed to redeem themselves fully for the Victory Road debacle.
However the Jarrett-Angle match was an excellent match, although I would have preferred to see Angle win for a change. The guitar shot gave the fans a sense of nostalgia.
I would go as far as making a bold statement. If that match were at Wrestlemania 27, it would have been the second best match of the night, barely behind Triple H vs Undertaker.
The Mickie James-Madison Rayne match must have had some kind of unplanned technical difficulty. There was no way the match was supposed to be this short.
The Knockouts match withstanding, without a doubt the worst match of the night was Samoa Joe-Pope. Although they are both good in the ring, their chemistry is just terrible.
Thanks for bearing with the technical difficulties and thanks for reading.
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